If A Man Makes You Doubt These 11 Things About Yourself, He's Likely Not A Very Good Person
oneinchpunch / Shutterstock Relationships are supposed to bring joy to our lives. Our partners should boost our self-esteem, not destroy it. However, some men can bring us down, whether they mean to or not.
Certain comments can get under our skin. If a man isn’t clear about what he says, it can cause us to start doubting ourselves. Whether it’s comments that make us wonder if they care about us, or compliments that feel more cutting than genuine, how others treat us plays a role in how we view ourselves. While it’s not healthy to rely on someone for your self-esteem, it’s obvious that when a man makes you doubt yourself, it will impact how you feel about yourself. A man like this isn’t worth your time, and he is likely not a very good person.
If a man makes you doubt these 11 things about yourself, he's likely not a very good person
1. Your perception of reality
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The term gaslighting has become a buzzword recently. It's a manipulative behavior that can leave you questioning yourself. If a man gaslights you, he’s trying to convince you that your perception of reality is wrong. Instead, he’ll try to tell you something completely different to keep you under his control. A man who does this is not a good person.
He’s trying to keep you under his psychological control. This is a very toxic behavior. If a man leaves you questioning your own perception, you may not be in a happy relationship.
2. Your self-worth
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Everyone is worthy of love and support. When you form a romantic relationship with someone, you expect them to reassure you of this. Not only that, but they show it with their actions. However, if a man is making you question your self-worth, he is not a good person. He could be trying to break you down over time.
Someone who does this is likely looking to make you reliant on him. He will subtly convince you that you deserve less than. While it’s hard not to rely on external validation for your self-worth, it is still harmful to have someone putting you down. Your self-worth should never hang in the hands of another person, but it’s not easy, or healthy, to be made to doubt yourself daily.
3. Your appearance
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Confidence is important. While it’s not always easy to feel good about ourselves, it’s important to do what we can to boost our self-esteem. Few things feel worse than dating someone who makes you doubt your appearance. Self-sabotage can be a serious issue. If you also have a man in your life who is putting you down, it can be a recipe for disaster.
In a society that emphasizes our appearance, it’s not easy to find confidence. If a man is making you doubt yourself, it can seriously harm your self-esteem.
4. Your intelligence
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A study found that sometimes, men feel worse about themselves when the woman in their lives succeeds. If a man makes you doubt your intelligence and achievements, it may be a sign that he is intimidated by your abilities. It might make them feel better to put you down. Making you doubt your intelligence is something a man may do to boost his own self-esteem. This is a serious sign that he is not a good person.
If a man underperforms in something but his partner succeeds, it can make him feel threatened. Instead of supporting your intelligence and encouraging you, he may try to break down your confidence slowly. It’s not a healthy relationship to be in.
5. Your boundaries
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Boundaries are the foundation of a healthy relationship. They allow you to protect yourself. Instead of giving your all to the other person to the point that you have nothing left to give, boundaries help you say no. Whether it’s putting expectations in place for how your partner acts or refusing to do things that make you uncomfortable, boundaries are important. A man who makes you question your boundaries, or constantly crosses them, is likely not a very good person.
"Boundary pushers come in a variety of forms and may be narcissistic, immature, entitled, selfish, privileged, desperate, clueless, or some combination. They want what they want," says Shawn M. Burn, Ph.D. "They act like we’re unreasonable or mean and exaggerate their plight. They say things like, 'It’s just this one time, I’ll never ask again.' If it’s unfair to others, they promise not to tell. They try to wear us down by asking repeatedly, even after we’ve said 'no'.”
6. Your values
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Our values mean everything to us. They are how we guide ourselves through life. When someone has strong values, they likely treat people with kindness. Whatever they do, they use their values to guide them. If a man comes into your life and makes you doubt your values, he’s likely not a very good person.
A man like this may be trying to get something from you by having you question your values. Whether they’re trying to manipulate you to change or trying to persuade you to do something questionable, this behavior is uncalled for in a relationship. Instead of accepting you for who you are, they are looking for ways to mold you into someone else.
7. Your friendships
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Romantic relationships are not the only ones we need. When dating someone, it can be easy to push our friends to the back burner. It’s not that we don’t care about them, but it can be easy to devote our time to the person we’re dating. If you’re spending a lot of time with a man and he is trying to make you doubt your friendships, he is likely not a good person. He may be trying to isolate you from others.
Men who convince you that they’re the only person you need in your life are unhealthy. By socially isolating you, they are putting you at risk for mental health issues.
8. Your family
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Isolating you from your friends is one thing, but pushing you away from your family is even worse. It’s not a positive sign. He may be trying to get everyone else out of your life so you rely only on him. A man like this is likely a narcissist. He can cause family estrangement before you even notice.
Family estrangement is a serious issue. If a man makes you wonder if your family actually cares about you, he is not worth having in your life. It’s important to maintain healthy relationships with the people in your life, especially when you are in a romantic relationship.
9. Your emotions
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Your emotions are valid. How something makes you feel is genuine. Invalidation can cause you to doubt yourself. If you are told you are not worthy of feeling your emotions, it can play serious games with your head. Instead of being comforted by your partner, they are making you wonder if you are crazy. A man like this will do anything he can to wiggle his way out of being held accountable for his behavior.
With validation comes emotional connection. If a man isn’t willing to hear you out and help you navigate your feelings, he is likely not a very good person.
10. Your independence
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Have you been in a relationship with someone who made you feel like you lacked independence? Maybe he told you when and where you could go, or how to approach situations the ‘correct’ way. This behavior can make you question if you have any independence at all. You may find yourself relying on your partner for everything, which isn’t a healthy way to live.
Sometimes, a partner can undermine your independence to make you feel like your life outside of the relationship doesn’t exist. This is a sign that he is not a very good person.
11. Your needs
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We all have needs. Often, they are nothing major. We expect our partner to meet our needs and treat us with respect. If a man has you doubting your needs, convincing you that you’re being too ‘needy,’ he is likely not a very good person. Instead of holding himself accountable, he is looking to get out of doing things for you. This can make for an unhealthy relationship.
"Labeling someone as 'needy' can be subjective. It can depend on your personality, culture, and background, as much as it can depend on theirs," says Hope Gillette. "What you may assess as needy may be the standard for someone else. It’s important, then, to try to approach this topic without judgment and with compassion."
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
