If Your Husband Has These 11 Habits, He's Likely Not A Very Good Person
Andrej Lišakov | Unsplash A while back, I received a frantic phone call from a former friend of mine, telling me she had to flee her home. She had just gotten married only months ago, but it quickly devolved, and it was as if a switch flipped in their relationship. Her husband went from patient and kind to one of the scariest men she's ever met. It was unfathomable.
My friend's situation was rare because he showed no signs of cruel behavior beforehand. Most bad people, though, show their true nature in subtle ways. Whether it's not respecting your boundaries or even gossiping about you behind your back, if your husband has these habits, he's likely not a very good person. And it's important to watch for any red flags for your own safety and peace of mind.
If your husband has these 11 habits, he's likely not a very good person
1. Lying for no reason
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Perhaps one of the most telling traits of a bad person is how they treat the truth. A good person will tell the truth, even if it's not the nicest thing to hear. A bad person won't. Bad people often lie to get their way, or just because they can.
Psychologists warn people to avoid people who have inconsistent stories, strange obsessions with rumors, and unusually defensive reactions. Those are warning signs of a liar. If a person seems to make a game out of lying, they'll lie to you too, eventually.
2. Ignoring people 'beneath him'
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Whether it's walking away from a conversation or using backhanded compliments, if your husband has these habits, he's likely not a very good person. Because people who treat others as "less than" are insecure and internalizing their shame. It's not an excuse, however, and guys who do this are not good guys. Rather, they're selfish sociopaths.
Watch how your husband treats people from whom he has nothing to gain, such as random old ladies, women he's not attracted to, car valets, or wait staff. If he treats them like trash, he will treat you the same once you stop being convenient for him.
3. Pushing boundaries
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One of my exes was notorious for not listening to me when I told him I didn't want to eat certain things. He'd say he'd listen, then not even 30 minutes later, he'd ask again. Eventually, it wasn't just about what I'd eat, it was the way he dealt with just about everything.
After a while, I decided to let him go, and he wouldn't even take that lying down. All of this is to say, a man who doesn't respect your boundaries is a man who is too controlling to be a good partner.
4. Belittling others to bolster himself
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This is a classic sign of an awful, insecure person we've often seen in playground settings or in high school. Among men, it often comes about by being an arrogant jerk who pokes fun at others or slams others' interests.
It's a sign of a person who either feels too insecure to be kind or a person who has a superiority complex. Regardless of the why, the fact is that it's a telltale sign of a man who has serious moral failings.
As social science researcher Jeremy Sherman pointed out, "There are only two ways to feel superior: Elevate yourself or demote others. Sneering down is uplifting, especially when we've hit a ceiling and can't elevate ourselves higher. If you can't get to the top, dissing others is the only other way to feel like you have."
5. Hiding behind religion
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It's no secret that some of the worst people in society tend to hide behind religion or a "law-abiding" veneer when they do their worst stuff. It's become such a common trope that it's even made its way onto religious sites, often as a talking point about why people are fleeing religion in droves.
Now, are all religious people bad? No, of course not. Religion can help make a person a better individual. However, genuinely good people don't need to use religion as an excuse for poor behavior.
6. Talking about being a 'nice guy'
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When a man talks about himself as a "nice guy," women already know what this means: the "nice guy" isn't actually nice. A "nice guy" may actually be someone who gets angry that he's not awarded a woman for being superficially kind and, because of that, bashes women.
People who are genuinely nice don't constantly victimize themselves and assume they're treated poorly because of their self-perceived niceness. That's not nice. That's not even a sign of a good person. It's a sign of a person who doesn't care what others want and only focuses on themselves.
7. Using weaponized incompetence
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Women still do the majority of housework in married homes, even when they're the breadwinners. Part of the reason for this is due to a common practice called "weaponized incompetence." Weaponized incompetence is a conscious choice of a lazy person to play dumb in a bid to make their partners do more of the work. It seems harmless until you realize how selfish that is.
Whether it's shrinking clothes while doing the laundry, insisting he doesn't know how to cook, or giving excuses that he "forgot," if your husband has these habits, he's likely not a very good person. Because a good husband and partner knows that fairness in relationships is important.
8. Not apologizing
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If you want to see the biggest marker between a person who has a sense of decency and a genuinely bad person, watch for personal accountability. Do they ever apologize for their actions or take accountability for what they've done? If you can't ever seem to get them to admit something is their fault, that's a bad sign.
That's a person who will never admit that he's wrong, will never actually question how to make himself better, and will always push blame onto you. Even if he makes it seem like it's your fault he's like that, it's not your fault at all.
9. Assuming everyone lies, cheats or steals
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Did you ever notice how often people who cheat in relationships tend to assume that everyone does it? Or how often pathological liars assume that everyone lies to get their way? It's not a strange coincidence and, in fact, may indicate that your husband isn't a good person if he's acting this way.
People tend to assume that others would do the exact same thing they would do. So, if they're assuming that everyone does something heinous, what does that say about them?
10. Holding double standards
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We've all seen people who seem to live by the phrase "Rules for me, not for thee." They always seem to give themselves more leeway than the people who are around them, often with a "totally logical explanation" that seems more convenient than truly factual.
Unfortunately, when it comes to men and women, this often comes in the form of misogynistic, pseudoscience explanations. For example, a man might excuse himself for infidelity "because that's what men do," while saying that women are horrible for doing the same thing. But if your husband has these habits, he's likely not a very good person.
11. Gossiping
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It's rare to see a man who actually gets catty and gossipy when you're an adult, but it happens. Regardless of gender, a person who feels like they need to act like a main character from "Gossip Girl" is not going to be a good partner.
Remember: if he's doing it to other people, he'll eventually do it to you, too. Do you really want to trust a guy who would spill your secrets for a scrap of attention? It's doubtful.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
