Men Who Will Never Be 'Your Person' No Matter How Hard You Love Them Inevitably Do These 7 Things
South_agency | Canva When you put yourself out into the dating world, you'll no doubt come across a jerk or two (or more), and may end up getting played when you feed into a man's false identity. Toxic men are hot and cold because they don't want you to think you're in a relationship with them, but they also don’t want you to think you're single either. They want to keep the relationship “undefined.”
By not defining things, your relationship is automatically categorized as a "situationship." What does that mean? It means he wants all the boyfriend perks without any commitment. He wants your loyalty, but cannot give you his because you aren't his girlfriend. According to a YouGov survey, half of Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 have been in a situationship — ugh! Here's how to avoid the same fate.
Men who will never be your person no matter how hard you love them:
1. He never has deep conversations with you
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He wants to keep all the conversations fun, light, and airy. He knows that if you get into an argument, he’ll no longer be in your good graces. Being on your good side increases his likelihood of getting what he wants. The truth is, he doesn't care enough to ask those deep questions or to get to know you on a more personal level. He's completely satisfied with just small talk and flirting.
2. He only texts you late at night
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He doesn't view you as a priority, so reaching out to you is the last thing on his mind. He contacts you only when it’s convenient for him. They are notorious for sending the “WYD?” text. And we all know what that means. Breadcrumbing is when someone throws you just enough attention to keep you on the hook.
Research on this behavior shows that breadcrumbing creates the illusion of connection, but there's nothing of real substance behind it. A man who genuinely wants to be with you isn't going to only reach out at 11 p.m. He'll text you during normal hours because he actually wants to talk to you, make plans, and build something real.
3. He never takes you out on a date
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Watching Netflix together isn't a date. While there’s nothing wrong with staying in and watching Netflix together, it becomes a problem when that’s all you do. A man who values you will invest in you, and that means he’ll want to take you out on a date. This man doesn’t see your worth, so he’ll avoid spending as much money as he can on you. That's why staying in and watching Netflix is always his preferred date.
A study that followed nearly 10,000 couples over ten years found that the ones who made time for regular dates were the most likely to stay together. It's about the effort and intention behind showing up for each other.
4. He love-bombs you
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He's here for a good time, not a long time. He’ll bombard you with "good morning, beautiful" texts and numerous lovey-dovey emojis early on in hopes that you’ll believe he truly cares about you. In actuality, he's love-bombing you and doing all he can to get you emotionally attached as quickly as possible. It's all so he can get what he wants out of you. According to a study that looked at the connection between narcissists and love-bombing, a narcissist will love-bomb you with constant communication and gifts in an attempt to manipulate you.
5. He hides his phone from you
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He’s hardly ever in an exclusive relationship, and when he is, he’s being unfaithful. He always has other girls texting and calling them. He doesn’t want to get caught up messing with other women, so he tries to hide his phone. He figures that if you don’t see the evidence, he can lie his way out of any cheating allegations. He might even say that you're asking to see his phone shows you don’t trust him, and that it stems from your “insecurities.”
When you ask a simple question about his phone, and he blows up, gets way more defensive than the situation calls for, or brushes you off as being "paranoid," that's a red flag. Those reactions aren't normal in a healthy relationship. In fact, a Pew Research Center survey found that 67 percent of people in committed relationships have shared passwords with their partners, showing that openness isn't some unrealistic expectation; it's actually what most couples do.
6. His stories don’t add up
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You constantly catch him in lies, and he constantly denies it. Even if you have proof, he’ll say it’s not him or that it's not true. They always have an excuse and a pass for why they’re doing something they're not supposed to. 2018 research describes gaslighting as a pattern of constant misdirection and contradiction, which is designed to destabilize you and make you question your own reality. And what makes it so damaging is that it's not a one-time slip-up; it's an ongoing pattern where the whole point is to make you feel like you're the crazy one.
7. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family
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A guy who's playing you won’t want you anywhere near his loved ones. He doesn’t see himself having a long-term relationship with you, so he isn’t going to merge his life with yours. When you truly like someone, you want to share as many aspects as possible of your life with them. They, on the other hand, want your involvement with them to be separate from that part of their life.
Tamara Sanon is a writer with a passion for covering health and wellness, relationships, astrology, and lifestyle topics. Her bylines have appeared on Unwritten, NSM Today, and Orlando Weekly, among others.
