Women Who Choose Loneliness Over 'Unworthy' Men Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock Many women get to a point in their lives where they no longer want to settle for a man who does not meet their standards and takes away from their happiness, rather than adding to it. Whether it's because of their self-worth or putting their personal growth first, women who choose loneliness over "unworthy" men usually have these reasons.
A woman like this is able to identify her standards and boundaries, and won't settle for anything less. Once these things become clear to her, they become her guide for navigating the kind of treatment she accepts or rejects. Because, at the end of the day, she is the most important person to herself.
Women who choose loneliness over ‘unworthy’ men usually have these 11 reasons
1. Protecting her peace
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For some women, the protection of their peace has greater value to them than being in a relationship. They prioritize their emotional safety and would rather guard their heart, especially against "unworthy" men. In order for them to truly protect their overall well-being, they have to learn how to set healthy boundaries.
As relationship coach Veronica Monet pointed out, "By establishing clear limits, individuals create a sense of safety and control by keeping the brain's stress center from being on high alert, and prevent emotional exhaustion from chronic boundary violations. One study published in Personality and Environmental Issues concluded that this practice is an essential component of self-care, leading to greater confidence, resilience, and overall mental well-being."
So, instead of accepting being treated poorly by a man, a woman will say "no" to this treatment. When they realize it is taking too much of their time and energy, and it's emotionally draining them, they will want to be alone.
2. Valuing her time and energy
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Women who choose loneliness over "unworthy" men usually do so because they value their time and energy. They will choose solitude over putting up with what she deems to be someone undeserving of her.
If she has experienced being in a relationship that does not meet her standards, she understands that by settling for a man, she may begin feeling emotionally drained, disappointed, and her standards could be compromised.
Feeling this way all the time will not feel worth it to her if she understands the importance of her time and energy, which psychotherapist Emma Teitel explains demonstrates a woman's priorities. She will become very selective about who she invests herself into and prioritizes her alone time, because she knows it is how she will effectively avoid burnout.
3. Enjoying her own company
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Women who enjoy their own company are more likely to risk being lonely as long as it means they are not stuck in a relationship with someone who does not meet their standards. These women feel self-sufficient on their own and are comfortable in solitude.
If they already feel this way when they are alone, it will be more difficult for them to drop their standards and settle for a man they do not think is worthy of their company. They are not viewing a man as someone who they expect to fill a void within their life; rather, they want him to add to her already satisfying life.
4. Knowing her self-worth
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For some women, having a strong sense of self-worth is enough reason for them to not settle for what they believe to be an "unworthy" guy. The amount of self-respect they possess influences them to stay true to their standards and only accept treatment that aligns with what they know they deserve.
As relationship expert and coach Dr. Annie Tanasugarn explained, "Self-worth is at the foundation for the concepts of self-acceptance and self-love. Without feeling a solid sense of worth or value it is difficult, if not impossible to feel worthy of love or acceptance from others."
When women understand their value, they no longer require validation from external sources. This means that if a relationship is not adding to their quality of life, they become disinterested in continuing to prioritize and pursue it.
5. Having non-negotiable standards
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Women who choose loneliness over "unworthy" men usually have high and non-negotiable standards, because she has no interest in settling for a mediocre relationship. If she feels content with herself and has a deep understanding of what she wants and deserves, she will prioritize this and seek a partner who can live up to these standards.
She has expectations for the man she builds a relationship with, and she would rather spend time being lonely while waiting for the man she is meant to be with than date mediocre men. She will practice self-discipline and spend her time doing things and with people that align with her values and standards.
Psychology professor David Ludden stressed the importance of self-control and discipline in dating, adding, "On the one hand, if you exercise too much self-control, you might not follow up on potential dating opportunities that could lead to the love of your life. On the other hand, if you exercise too little self-control, you may waste your time with dating partners that are never going to give you what you want."
6. Prioritizing personal growth
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When a woman is not tied down by a man she considers to be "unworthy," she is able to fully prioritize her personal growth. Instead of investing her efforts into someone who may not be reciprocating this behavior, she can invest in herself.
The deeper her connection becomes with herself, the less she will require external validation to feel a sense of self-worth. It will be easier for her to prioritize the things that aid in her personal growth and disengage with the things that hinder it.
7. Wanting freedom and flexibility
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A woman who values her independence, freedom, and flexibility will be less likely to choose an "unworthy" man, even if she ends up feeling lonely. In a relationship, she wants autonomy to be a priority, and if a man is trying to threaten that, she would rather be alone.
While she understands that, in any relationship, compromise is necessary, if he is trying to take full control of her and her life, she has enough self-worth to never compromise on her freedom. She will view being with someone like this as more costly than just being single is.
8. Desiring emotional connection
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In order to self-preserve and respect her own wants and needs, a woman will typically choose loneliness over an "unworthy" man. When she has a deep desire for an emotional connection, it is not something she will compromise on.
If a man is emotionally unavailable, she will realize that he cannot meet her needs, and out of self-respect she will walk away from the potential relationship. Although she may feel lonely while she is single, she will aim to use this alone time to grow personally and continue deepening her understanding of what she will and will not accept within a relationship.
"A man who lacks self-confidence, cannot express himself, is overly focused on work, is self-obsessed, has issues with his mother, won't let his guard down, and is overly defensive is a man who is — and most likely always will be — emotionally unavailable. If you want to have a healthy, happy relationship, a guy who is not emotionally available is not the guy for you. Let him go, move on, and find the guy who makes your heart sing," life coach Mitzi Bockmann said.
9. Avoiding repeating past mistakes
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Some women reach a point in their life where they start wanting to make a conscious effort toward breaking negative patterns. If in the past they always dated men who did not meet their standards or treated them poorly, they will stop settling for this treatment.
Once they have adjusted their vision for the future and have a clear idea of their boundaries, they can choose partners that better align with what they want. If they have trouble finding their ideal partner, they would rather feel lonely than experience another negative relationship and the disappointment that usually accompanies it. And as experts from Health for Life Counseling pointed out, choosing to remain single is a self-protective measure for a reason.
10. Seeing a relationship as a bonus, not a lifeline
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Women who choose loneliness over "unworthy" men usually do so because they have a high sense of self-worth and don't view a relationship as a need. This means they will not settle for anything less than what they know they deserve.
A man they deem undeserving will typically be someone who makes their life harder and adds nothing. If this is the case, they see the potential of being lonely as a better option than being with a guy who has a negative impact on their overall well-being.
11. Refusing to settle
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When women refuse to settle, it's because they have a clear understanding of their standards and healthy boundaries, and they only want to invest their time in individuals who positively impact them. A woman who refuses to settle will say what she needs to prevent someone else from dimming her light, and her confidence becomes apparent.
She values personal standards and self-worth more than settling just because she feels lonely. And while not everyone feels the same way, she knows that, in the end, her happiness and overall well-being will thrive.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
