11 Things A Husband Secretly Wants To Hear, But Will Never Ask His Wife To Say
Everyone expresses and yearns for love differently, but it can be hard for many men to articulate what they truly want to hear from their wives.
syedfahadghazanfar / Shutterstock Although emotional intimacy and physical touch play a strong role in romantic relationships, their expression on a daily basis can be incredibly nuanced. We all practice these forms of love and closeness differently, so talking about them can feel incredibly vulnerable.
It's probably not surprising to know that there are many things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say. All husbands have emotional, social, and physical needs, just as their wives do, but sometimes verbalizing can be more difficult than they may want to admit, even to the woman they love and feel closer to more than anyone else.
These are 11 things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say
1. ‘I’m proud of you’
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Many men struggle with verbalizing their deep-rooted needs in the context of societal expectations and misguided pressure to assume certain roles in their relationships. Even if their partner is supportive, there may be things they’d like to hear from them that they’re too afraid to ask for.
In fact, some men experience feelings of inadequacy and insecurity when their female partners achieve things that are associated with masculinity, including career success. That’s why phrases like “I’m proud of you” are one of the things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say. They yearn to know they are living up to what they believe society and their wife expects of them.
2. ‘I trust your judgement’
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Even though in societal terms, domination, superiority, and control are often associated with male archetypes, many husbands feel like their wives constantly micromanage them at home. When it comes to organizing things, following a routine, making decisions, or even expressing emotions, they feel as though they are constantly fighting to be heard rather than criticized, fixed, or even parented.
That’s why “I trust your judgement” is one of the things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say. He wants to be reminded of his competency, respect, and position in a balanced relationship, especially if micromanaging or insecurity has been a struggle in the past.
3. ‘You’ve been doing so well’
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Whether it’s acknowledgement of the effort they put in around the home or simply praise for doing well at work, everyone appreciates being verbally praised or even noticed by their loved ones. Even amid the chaos of everyday life and responsibilities, making time for a simple “thank you” or “you’re doing so well” is a powerful expression of gratitude.
According to a study published in the Personal Relationships journal, expressing gratitude not only safeguards women’s happiness and satisfaction in marriages, even with poor communication skills in situations like conflict, but it also lowers a couple’s vulnerability to divorce. Noticing the small things and making an effort to be grateful is important, as it makes people feel seen and loved.
4. ‘I’ve got your back’
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Even if men in traditional relationships feel drawn toward protector and provider roles, there’s still something to be said about the balance of support, respect, and motivation between them and their partners. Everyone, regardless of gender, wants to feel like they’re supported by their partner, no matter what, which is why phrases like “I’ve got your back” are so profoundly important and relieving for partners.
It’s one of the things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say, especially if he’s already feeling pressured into gendered roles and responsibilities in his relationship.
5. ‘You’re right’
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In relationships and marriages with poor communication skills or emotional insecurity, it’s common for partners to approach arguments as a place where they’re supposed to “win.” Rather than taking humble accountability or working as a team to solve a shared problem, they turn defensive, shifting blame, making excuses, and protecting their own ego at the expense of their partner and the relationship’s well-being.
That’s why “you’re right” or “I’m sorry” are some of the things a husband secretly wants her to say, but will never ask his wife to say. After an argument or conflict, he doesn't always want to self-soothe or “prove” his argument. Instead, he wants to feel automatically heard, understood, and appreciated.
6. ‘You deserve a break’
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According to a study from the Current Biology journal, couples who get more sleep and feel more rested tend to have more positive interactions and feelings of connectedness than those who don’t. Even if that means taking things off a partner’s plate when they’re having a hard day or prioritizing personal well-being over other things for the sake of a relationship, great partners know how to ensure they’re rested.
“You deserve a break” and “let me handle that” are some of the things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say. He may feel pressured to embody a masculine role or suppress his struggles, emotions, and exhaustion for the sake of his partner or family, even though a truly balanced relationship dynamic would never force him to do so.
7. ‘I still choose you’
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“I still choose you” or “I’m so lucky” are just a couple of examples of the many things a husband secretly wants to hear, but will never ask his wife to say. Even if stereotypes about physical intimacy and gender roles tell a different story, a study published in the Frontiers in Psychology journal found that many men are craving more emotional intimacy in their marriages and relationships.
They want to feel wanted, pursued, attractive, and desired by their partners, not just physically, but also emotionally, expressed verbally and with real language.
RELATED: 6 Powerful Ways To Create Intimacy With Literally Anyone, According To Psychology
8. ‘How are you feeling?’
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Sometimes, the only thing a man wants to hear from his wife is a phrase like “How are you feeling?” or “What do you think?” that gives him space to be vulnerable. Yes, women tend to do a lot of emotional labor in relationships, encouraging and supporting their male partners to open up emotionally, but that’s often because of the stereotypes, stigmas, and societal expectations men face.
Breaking down their emotional walls isn’t just about internal confidence and security, but addressing a slew of other things, like childhood trauma, societal stigmas, other platonic male relationships, and even communication skills. The more a couple can practice unlearning these things and addressing other obstacles to true vulnerability, with phrases and safe spaces like this, the better.
9. ‘Thank you’
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Alongside more profound expressions of thanks and gratitude, simply saying “thank you” can be a powerful phrase for promoting closeness, intimacy, and supportiveness. It’s not only bonding in a communicative sense, ensuring partners feel more secure to express emotions and concerns, it protects couples from relationship decline in the face of things like financial struggle and strain.
Vulnerability isn’t always easy for couples, especially those who feel slightly disconnected or stressed in their daily routines. Still, a phrase like “thank you” can make all the difference for bridging the gap, even if it’s something husbands aren’t comfortable asking for directly.
10. ‘I love you’
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Even if it seems obvious, many partners don’t hear a phrase as basic as “I love you” as much as they’d like to in their romantic relationships and marriages.
As Harvard psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren explains, even simple affectionate behaviors and loving phrases like “I love you” are profoundly important for maintaining bonds with a partner. It’s one of the things a husband secretly wants to hear, probably more than he currently does, but will never outright ask his wife to say.
11. ‘I believe in you’
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Helping a partner set goals and conceptualize dreams is one thing, but genuinely supporting them on a daily basis to achieve them is another, often more important, commitment. “I believe in you” and “How can I help you?” are both things a husband secretly wants to hear, especially amid the stressful and chaotic nature of everyday life, but will never ask his wife to say.
He wants to feel supported in the same way he offers it to his partner, even if it’s just in subtle and passing comments like this one.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
