11 Things Wives Say That Sound Innocent But Feel Like Rejection To Their Husbands
Are you hurting your husband without meaning to?
ALPA PROD / Shutterstock Men are often a lot more caring and sensitive than they let on, especially when it comes to rejection. When it comes to their wives, the amount of validation guys require can be shocking.
Sometimes, women don’t even realize when they’re rejecting their partners, as there are several things wives say that may sound innocent to them but that feel like rejection to their husbands. These common phrases are an example of how some women unintentionally hurt the men they care about most.
Here are 11 things wives say that sound innocent but feel like rejection to their husbands
1. 'Not now, babe, I’m tired'
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We all know what this phrase is typically said about, and to a point, it is a rejection. We all have the right to reject physical advances from time to time, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
When wives repeatedly reject their husbands, night after night, it starts to sound more and more like they’re just not into him. Trust me when I say that showing a clear disinterest in intimacy hurts men and marriages more than you’d believe.
2. 'That guy is really good at fixing things. Maybe we can hire him?'
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For a lot of men, there’s a certain pride that comes with being handy around the home. Hearing their wives say a friend or a neighbor is more skilled in the repair department can feel like a subtle rejection.
Men really care about how they’re perceived. That’s part of the reason why 34% of all home improvement projects are done. People want to show off to their neighbors.
3. 'Sorry, honey, I forgot your birthday'
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This is a rare thing to hear from a wife, but it can happen. Much like with women, men aren’t exactly fond of hearing that their birthdays were forgotten. While it’s not an open rejection of him as a person, it still feels like a rejection for most guys.
Worrying about being forgotten on your birthday is a legitimate issue many people struggle with. It’s technically part of birthday depression, and yes, a fear of rejection is part of it.
4. 'Ugh, I hate [your hobby]'
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This is a remark that is fairly innocent because you’re honestly just saying something you dislike, not the man who does it. However, women often forget how passionate some men can get about their hobbies.
For men who are really deep into a particular hobby, saying you hate their favorite hobby can feel like a rejection of them as a person. After all, if you’re a major fan of something, it can become a part of you.
5. 'A kiss on the cheek only, please!'
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A lot of the time, women aren’t always down for a big kiss on the lips. This is particularly true when the woman in question has eaten something foul-smelling (like garlic) or might need to burp.
In her eyes, she’s protecting her husband from a stink-filled smooch. In his eyes, he sees his wife rejecting a show of intimacy.
6. 'I know we said we’d have a date night, but we should focus on Timmy’s homework tonight'
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When you have kids, a lot of things change, including your priorities. A common trap new parents fall into is the idea of focusing on kids while their marriages fall to the wayside. It’s done with the best of intentions, but it doesn’t really work out well.
If your husband is trying to put together a date night, accept his offer. He needs to feel some love from you, too, and your kid won’t be upset if they get dropped off at the grandparents’ for a while.
7. 'It’s the man’s role to initiate, not mine!'
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Some women genuinely don't feel comfortable trying to flirt or turn up the heat in a relationship, even after they’re married, so they just never initiate physical intimacy. For a short period of time, this can be okay.
Over longer periods of time, it often ends up making the husband feel undesirable and rejected. It’s not necessarily her fault, and she might not even mean it in a harmful way. This type of attitude often stems from a certain level of shame she may feel, often due to social conditioning. Asking for professional help can be a smart move here.
8. 'I really think I just need time with my friends. Can you sit this one out?'
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This phrase may seem innocent, but it can still sting. A lot of men don’t really have their own social connections. When they’re lonely, they usually get their friendship fix through their wives. Some guys might get a little worried about being rejected by their wives’ friends, too.
Even when guys are aware that women need girl time, the truth is that they always wonder what a woman’s friends think of them.
9. 'That’s nice, sweetie'
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This phrase, in and of itself, is innocuous…but context matters. If a wife says this glibly or as a generic “thanks” after doing something nice for her, that stings. People of all walks of life want to be acknowledged when they do a kind gesture for their partners.
If all a wife does is say an unimpressed comment or something that sounds condescending, it can make a man feel rejected. At the very least, it likely made him feel unloved.
10. 'Honey, you [did action] wrong…'
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Most men like the idea of feeling useful. It’s a flex for them. That’s why men tend to feel hurt when they are criticized after doing something. Whether it’s putting their socks in the right bin, bringing the wrong item from the store, or washing the bathtub with the wrong soap, it can feel like rejection.
Unlike other phrases here, this one might be a bit unavoidable. If they don’t know how to do something, they need to learn. This is one phrase that wives really shouldn’t try to avoid.
11. 'I don’t need your help, I’m okay'
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If you take a look at sites like Reddit, you’ll see quite a few threads involving women confused over a man’s reaction to refusing their help. Most men offer help (solicited or otherwise) as a way to show they can provide value to a woman.
Saying you don’t want your husband to help you can make some men feel like you don’t want them to flex in front of you. Even if it’s something as simple as letting them do the dishes or letting them hang a picture for you, it can help boost their self-esteem.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
