11 Things Most Families Live Without If They Have A Stay-At-Home Mom
They have a harder job than people give them credit for.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Despite social norms and modern stigmas around stay-at-home parents, the majority of Americans suggest that having a parent at home to take care of household responsibilities and childcare is best, according to a Pew Research Center study. Not only does it supplement the expensive costs of childcare — that are often covered by one parent's entire working salary — it allows kids to bond with their parents and form a relationship amid the mundanity of everyday life.
However, there are certain things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom, in particular, not all of which are incredibly healthy. From healthy routines and behaviors for the stay-at-home mothers themselves, to specific dreaded routines in households with two corporate parents, these things shape the lives of people with a parent at home.
Here are 11 things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom
1. A second income
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Even though it's seemingly obvious, typically households with a stay-at-home parent don't have a second formal income, unless there's a side hustle or part-time job on top of their responsibilities with childcare and family needs. In some cases, the working parent's salary supplements any need for an additional stream of income, but in others, stay-at-home parents' choices to stay home is to offset other expenses like childcare.
Instead of bringing in a second income and spending the entirety of it on childcare, a parent makes the decision to stay home and watch their kids themselves, even if it's at the expense of a resume, connections, and professional development.
2. Professional cleaning services
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Whether it's a maid or a monthly cleaning service, these are some of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom. Even if it's a point of contention in some relationships or family dynamics, women tend to take on the majority of household chores and responsibilities, according to a Pew Research study, even if they have a similar workload with childcare as their 9-to-5 partner.
Many of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom are unique to specific households and family dynamics, but for the most part, the role of being a stay-at-home mom comes with much more than simply caring for and watching children.
3. Babysitters
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Additional childcare and babysitters are some of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom. Not only are they expected to watch the kids, they're also largely in charge of handling other responsibilities at home — from chores, to basic maintenance, and caring for themselves.
According to a Motherly report, even though they don't have babysitters, they could use them, with more stay-at-home mothers experiencing burnout and emotional exhaustion than working mothers in traditional corporate roles.
So, even if it's just once a week or a few times a month, stay-at-home parents could use the extra help — even if they're not already getting it — to break down the workload and carve out intentional time for themselves amid the chaos.
4. Regular mealtimes
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Especially during the day, many families live without regular and scheduled meals if they have a stay-at-home mom — more specifically, for the parent themselves. If they're busy with watching kids and handling responsibilities, they're likely putting their own needs to the side, which is why they often deal with burnout more than their partners.
Compared to their partner working for a company or in an office, it's much easier to set boundaries with work and prioritize things like taking a lunch break. It's not inherently emotional — they set boundaries and prioritize work-life balance — but for stay-at-home moms whose jobs are more intentional and personal, these habits and routines are their real life.
5. Multiple cars
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For parents who adopt stay-at-home situations to save money and conserve resources, it's not surprising that multiple cars are some of the things these families tend to live without. While it's their working partner who generally takes the car during the day, unless they're relying on other modes of transportation, once they get home, it returns to being a shared family vehicle.
This is one of the things that tends to spark boredom and, in turn, guilt and resentment, for many stay-at-home mothers. They feel stuck and trapped inside their home without a car, unable to experience and engage with the world in the same way their partner does in a corporate office or workplace environment.
6. Frequent date nights
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Many stay-at-home mothers argue that they feel less intimate with their partners since taking on this role — going on less date nights, spending less quality time together, and even harboring resentment around their responsibilities at home, like a study from Motherly suggests.
Even though it's unsettling for marriages in this position, it's one of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom, because even after their partner comes home, they end up taking on the majority of their shared responsibilities with childcare and chores.
7. External validation
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According to workplace culture expert S. Chris Edmonds, positive feedback, praise, and validation are all incredibly important for employees — helping to boost their productivity, self-esteem, and clarity on the job. However, for stay-at-home mothers, whose only co-workers are their kids and occasionally their partners after hours, they don't receive this same kind of acknowledgement and support.
In the same way working mothers feel shame for not spending enough time at home, many stay-at-home mothers feel shame for not being in an office, focusing on personal development, or seeking the kind of praise and experience their partners receive.
8. Personal space
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At least for stay-at-home mothers, personal space is one of the things they often live without when they make the decision to stay home with their partner. Of course, they can separate themselves for a little bit — closing the bathroom door or escaping into the kitchen for a meal — but for the most part, their role as "mom" never turns off.
Compared to their partners who can leave their work in the office and turn off the work personality they develop at home, these are some of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom.
9. Stress about appointments or pick-ups
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Many families with two working parents outside of the home struggle with navigating the scheduling aspect of parenthood — how to get their kids home from school, to doctor's appointments, and to all the extracurricular activities that children today are overscheduled with.
However, for the most part, this stress is one of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom. They have a parent who can drive them to school, take a break from the day to bring them to an appointment, or even drive them to practice and cheer them on from the sidelines when it's appropriate.
10. Weekend cleaning days
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Weekend days dedicated to cleaning are some of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom. Rather than waiting until Saturday or Sunday to deep clean the entire house, many households with stay-at-home moms have the luxury of enjoying quality time as a family over the weekend.
Of course, a stay-at-home mom's true job is to watch their kids at home, but oftentimes they tend to take on household chores and cleaning in their households as well.
11. The morning rush
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In households where both parents are leaving the house to go to work and trying to navigate everyone's busy and rigid schedules, there's a lot of stress around morning routines. However, the "morning rush" is one of the things most families live without if they have a stay-at-home mom.
From driving the kids to school, to sending off their partner, and even navigating morning rituals like making breakfast or getting ready, having a parent who stays at home can make everything easier to navigate.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
