11 Things That Secretly Make Wives Deeply Resent Their Husbands
While their husbands may not know it, many women are seething beneath the surface.
Dikushin Dmitry / Shutterstock Many women are stuck in the mindset that they should be a place of peace for their husbands. While that is true, it can also cause you to stay silent when something is bothering you for fear that you might cause trouble or alienate him. So, you keep plugging along, secretly resenting him, but never letting him know that his behavior is driving an invisible wedge between you.
The issues stay hidden, bubbling just beneath the surface. They impact how affectionate she is by killing desire and compassion. Eventually, the pot boils over, and fighting starts. This didn't happen overnight. It's a slow buildup of unmet needs, emotional disconnection, dissatisfaction, and deep resentment. Understanding the things that secretly make wives deeply resent their husbands is the first step in addressing them.
Here are 11 things that secretly make wives deeply resent their husbands
1. A lack of emotional support
Milos Dimic from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Having a husband who always dismisses your emotions or avoids conversations about how you are feeling can make you feel alone in a relationship. What starts as sadness and isolation quickly turns into resentment, making it less likely that a wife will try to open up again. They crave a partner who knows how to listen and can empathize with their experiences.
When a husband brushes off their concerns, it tells them that he doesn't care or that he believes they are invalid. This is emotional abandonment, and the cost is high. This lack of emotional support causes a wife to feel undesirable, left behind, insecure, and thrown away while in a relationship. She starts to wonder what the point is.
2. Unfair division of labor
Alex Green from Pexels via Canva
Back in the day, a lot of women's jobs were to stay home and take care of the kids, maintain the home, and balance the family's mental load while their husbands went out into the world and brought home the bacon. Times have changed, and women are working outside the home and contributing financially, too. But for some, the gender roles have remained the same. Now women are doing what was previously considered "a man's work" and are still responsible for the traditional wifely duties.
That unequal division of labor without any acknowledgment or assistance can cause severe resentment to build, especially if the husband believes he needs extra credit when he helps around the house. She can feel overwhelmed, and the disdain she feels for him can turn into volatility that doesn't bode well for the marriage.
3. Being taken for granted
Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels via Canva
It is not uncommon in relationships for gratitude to turn into expectation. A wife whose efforts are rarely noticed or appreciated may begin to feel invisible or undervalued by her husband. That lack of appreciation erodes affection, and she no longer has the same level of respect that she once had for him.
Being grateful for your spouse goes a long way in keeping the bond tight. Whether it's her career, her parenting, or what she does to keep the home running smoothly, it would be beneficial for her husband to acknowledge her efforts from time to time. Small gestures of appreciation can help to keep her from withdrawing emotionally and might even rekindle a fractured connection.
4. A lack of communication
SolStock from Getty Images via Canva
If a couple could just get communication right, they could avoid a lot of the problems that separate them. Stonewalling, avoidance, and bad listening skills will make a wife feel as if she is unheard by her husband or as if he doesn't see her value. This is a surefire way for her to become withdrawn from the relationship and for her resentment to grow.
Breakdowns in communication, whether it be ignoring her, making light of serious matters, or shutting down during times of conflict, can make a wife resent ever getting involved with her husband. In her eyes, her voice doesn't matter to him, so she starts to lose trust and stay away from emotional intimacy.
5. Failing to defend her
Syda Productions via Canva
When you get married, there is no guarantee that your in-laws and your husband's friends with invite you in with open arms. You might be subjected to disrespect or boundary-crossing that makes you feel deep-seated anger and resentment. If a husband stays silent, his wife will feel like he does not have her back and as if she is an outsider looking in.
The most hurtful form of emotional betrayal is a man who does not stick up for his wife, especially in front of family and friends. It might be a meddling mother-in-law or a friend who wants him to be single and devalues his wife. If a wife feels unsupported in public or in private, she will begin to question her man's loyalty.
6. Being dismissed or belittled
studioroman via Canva
While it may be no big deal to a husband, small put-downs, sarcasm, or jokes at a wife's expense chip away at her trust and self-worth. They seem harmless, but they can leave lasting emotional scars that lead to extreme resentment. She realizes that whether or not you are joking, there is some underlying associated truth.
Those passive-aggressive comments or jabs can do so much long-term damage, especially when a husband repeatedly mocks his wife or minimizes the things that matter to her. If it is done in front of others, it can be especially damaging, eroding her self-esteem and leading her to the conclusion that you cannot be trusted.
7. Being emotionally unavailable
RDNE Stock Project from Pexels via Canva
It's hard to connect to a husband who is not open and vulnerable emotionally. His distance creates a wall in the relationship that is hard for his wife to penetrate. She craves emotional intimacy, but his standoffish nature makes her feel rejected and unwanted. Being present is not enough. A wife needs a deep connection to the man she chose to spend the rest of her life with.
Love is an action word. It requires a physical presence, yes, but it also requires a man to be emotionally present as well. When he can lower his guard, he will manifest more vulnerability between him and his wife, foster a deeper connection, and quell any feelings of rejection or unworthiness that she might have.
8. Being intimately neglected
Timur Weber from Pexels via Canva
Intimacy is a must-have in a marriage. Both emotional and physical affection are vital to romance and chemistry. Without them, the relationship can feel more like a roommate situation than a loving partnership. When it's put on the back burner, resentment begins to grow, and distrust rears its ugly head.
A man who wants his marriage to thrive should never let affection become a rare occurrence. His wife should never feel like she is last on her husband's list or that he is just checking the box by spending time with her. That emotional drought will quickly turn into resentment and cause the downfall of your marriage.
9. Making her an afterthought
fizkes by Getty Images via canva
When hobbies, friends, work, and children consistently take precedence over a man's relationship with his wife, she will feel as if she is not a priority in his life at all. The feeling of being neglected becomes more and more prominent, and she starts to feel as if he has abandoned the relationship. She becomes silently resentful, and the divide between them expands.
Marital partners should be a top priority in each other's lives. It is normal to have outside commitments, hobbies, and interests, but not at the sacrifice of the person you vowed to love for eternity. Consistently deprioritizing the marriage will destroy the foundation and create unnecessary resentment.
10. Inconsistency in parenting
Syda Productions via Canva
One of the things that is less noticeable but can certainly build resentment toward a husband by his wife is inconsistent parenting. He either leaves discipline to her or undermines her authority when it comes to their children. He doesn't understand that parenting is about partnership and that decisions should be made in collaboration.
Shared parenting is something we automatically agree on when deciding to procreate with a spouse. We should work out our disagreements behind the scenes, never in front of the kids, and appear as a united front, so they know they cannot pit one parent against the other. It's about mutual respect and teamwork work and without them, the union will be fraught with resentment.
11. Breaking promises and not following through
Syda Productions via Canva
Women need a husband whom they can rely on without a doubt. Men who say one thing and do another, or break promises and commitments, create a deep resentment for them within their wives. Trust is obliterated; she has to pick up the slack while managing her emotions, and she may just stop believing in him altogether.
Reliability builds trust in a relationship. If a partner says that he will do something but continuously falls short, it feels like a betrayal. When he brushes it off as no big deal, it becomes more and more difficult to take him at his word. These small letdowns continue to be rushed under the rug until they erupt into a volcano of deep resentment.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
