10 Parenting Habits That Make People Quietly Judge A Mom Behind Her Back
You think they are marveling at how cute your kids are, but they are silently judging you.
Vladimirova Julia / Shutterstock Parenting is such a personal journey. Every child is different, and every parent does things in their own unique way. But how a mother chooses to raise her children impacts her family, the community, and even her social circles. People are always watching and judging, and she may not even know it's happening.
Most parents are doing the best they can with the information they have, but moms in particular are expected to meet the highest standards when it comes to motherhood. People are quick to judge her parenting style, though they would never admit it out loud. The opinions can be harsh and unfair, but they can reveal how your mothering choices affect those around you, warranted or not.
Here are 10 parenting habits that make people quietly judge a mom behind her back
1. Letting her kids run wild in public
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Where I'm from, letting your kids climb on furniture, scream in restaurants, and race through stores unchecked is sure to raise a few eyebrows and draw some side-eyes. Many people believe that mothers who allow their children to do these things have lost control and let the kids run them instead of the other way around.
While Mom might see it as a form of freedom or independence, observers see chaos and disrespect for other people and their right to the enjoyment of public places. This is especially true if it's not just a brief moment of wild behavior, but a repeated pattern of you not setting appropriate boundaries with your child.
2. Pretending that her kids are perfect
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Every mother celebrates her little ones. In her eyes, sometimes they can do no wrong, and she expects the world around her to view them in the same way that she does. But when every conversation becomes a bragging session about the magical little creatures she created, people start to roll their eyes and avoid her like the plague.
No child is perfect, so acting as if your child is without flaws can come off as tone-deaf, pretentious, or even delusional. It's okay to believe that your child is the smartest, kindest, and most advanced kid in the room, but beware that this will definitely invite undue speculation and silent skepticism, especially if people happen to know differently.
3. Over-posting her kids online
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As much as I love my kids, I know that everyone doesn't have the same motherly love I have for them. They don't want to be updated every time one of them breathes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing the latest milestones, but when a mom documents the daily life of her child, it can start to be too much, and people will quietly "mute" you or unfollow.
People will start to believe that you are not really concerned with being present for your child, but that you are more interested in curating content for validation. "Sharenting" can have many dangers, such as exposing your kids to online predators, unfair judgment, and creating an online reputation for them before they even have awareness that their life is under a spotlight.
4. Letting her kids interrupt adult conversations
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Everyone deserves to be seen and heard, even children. But for many, there is a time and a place. Most people will judge a child interjecting themself into adult conversations. When a mom allows her kid to interrupt constantly and lets them dominate conversations that are supposed to be between grown folks, people will assume she is without boundaries.
When a child doesn't understand that it is inappropriate to interact with adults under certain circumstances, it may be seen as an overall lack of respect for adults. They will assume that you are not teaching your child social awareness, and that may not bode well for their development.
5. Using her kids as an excuse for everything
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Parenting is demanding. There will be many times when you are unable to participate in certain things because your child is your priority. But when you overuse the "because of the kids" excuse, people start to see it as a blanket excuse for being eternally late or tardy.
When you have a trail of unfulfilled commitments attributed to motherhood, people start to silently judge you. They believe that you are hiding behind your status as a mom to avoid responsibility to show up for the people in your life. When we have children, parenting naturally takes precedence, but it's important to make time for the other things you love as well.
6. Publicly shaming or harshly disciplining her kids
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This one is personal for me. I once had a longtime friend who asked me to go to the beach with her. So, I gathered my sons and headed out for some fun in the sun. The day took a turn when we couldn't find her seven-year-old daughter at the crowded waterfront. We eventually found her waiting by the car, but my friend was so upset that she slapped her instead of hugging her in relief. Before I could think, I slapped my friend. That chain reaction ended our friendship forever, and I have no regrets.
A mom who loudly scolds, uses harsh words, or hits her children in public might think she is teaching them a lesson, but to onlookers, she is just an abusive bully. Embarrassing your child in front of other people is emotionally damaging and traumatic to witness. You will undoubtedly be judged for your toxic parenting.
7. Acting as if she is the only 'real' parent in the house
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Some women take on every aspect of parenting, then complain that they feel like a single mother. While many mothers are forced to raise kids alone involuntarily, there are others who do it intentionally so they can be praised for being a hands-on mom. They wear motherhood burnout like a badge of honor and expect everyone to praise them for their sacrifices.
This martyrdom is not the flex that some mothers think it is. Their ability to step up in every area of their children's lives only to turn around and criticize their partners for not doing the same can come across as controlling, resentful, emotionally manipulative, and dismissive of the other parent's contributions.
8. Acting like no one else understands how hard her life is
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Every mom thinks she has cornered the market on parental stress. She might, at times, feel like the pressure she is under is not the norm for other parents because we all put on a happy face and pretend everything is great. If you are one of those mothers who act like your struggles are uniquely difficult, you might alienate others and cause them to judge you severely.
The "no one has it harder than me" mentality is one that makes you look at whether you are sympathy-mongering. You are having a pity party, and no one wants an invite to it. After a while, people will grow tired of hearing about your parenting woes and see you as self-centered and lacking proper perspective.
9. Imposing her parenting philosophy on everyone else
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My family often jokes about my parenting style. They see me as a "gentle" parent, even in circumstances where they believe a heavier hand is necessary. As a young mother, I worried so much about people judging me and trying to influence me to raise my children in the way they did. But as an experienced mom, I stop people dead in their tracks when they try to dictate how I parent.
If you are a person who thinks that your way is the only right way, people will definitely judge you and be turned off. You might be organic, screen-free, or practicing healthy attachment, and those are all good things. But being morally superior can rub other people the wrong way. Parenting is personal, and we should all respect each other's choices as long as a child is not being harmed by them.
10. Ignoring her child's bad behavior
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The old "kids will be kids" philosophy will not fly everywhere. There is a huge difference between understanding how children develop and dismissing or overlooking poor behavior. Moms who enable their babies when they act out create a world where they are destined for disappointment because others will not give them so much grace.
If you fail to correct rudeness, aggression, or entitlement because you think it's acceptable behavior for children, rest assured that you are under heavy judgment. People are watching you exhibit no disciplinary skills and set no boundaries, and they may presume that your child will be in trouble in the future, thanks to you.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
