5 Harsh Reasons Women Get Bored With Motherhood

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Young family of mixed race cuddles children in the living room

Until my son was about three years old, I was part of a mom group that organically formed out of our childbirth class. We new moms stuck together and there was something comforting about going through the process of pregnancy and then postpartum with the same women.

Then something started happening. While all of the other moms seemed to share the same exhaustion, packed schedules and sleepless nights, no one was talking about something I started to feel: intense boredom. 

How could this be true? My son was the joy and light of my life. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to even speak the words. Shouldn’t I just be grateful that I was a mother? Was something wrong with me? I even began to think I was a “bad mom” for feeling bored by the endless routine and the long days talking to barely anyone but my child or the dog.

It turns out, I wasn’t alone. A lot of mothers feel this way. 

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Here are five reasons why many mothers get bored with motherhood

1. The endless routine

The repetition of routine that is good for kids and creates a secure attachment between caregiver and child - Stability, routine, consistency and reliability, can also become extremely boring for mothers. Even as your child gets older, you can start to feel like you are in a never-ending cycle of house chores, feeding, running errands, handling the mundane to emergency situations and keeping everything in order.

While you may become a multitasking goddess, the lack of stimulating variety can lead to boredom and monotony. 

2. You’ve disowned essential parts of your identity 

Many moms shut off or disown parts of themselves, in order to become a “good” mother.” Maybe there was something that you used to enjoy doing that now feels like a mismatch with motherhood. Is an old passion really ready to be retired or is it something you think you “shouldn’t” do now that you are a parent? Many mothers push aside artistic, creative or intellectual pursuits during motherhood, thinking it is all or nothing, or even too selfish to consider.

If this sounds like you, where can you add in daily bits of “who you were” before becoming a mom?

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3. Limited adult interaction

While we have more and more ways to connect virtually, as we know too well from the pandemic, there is still a major difference between having a conversation online and the feeling of companionship in person. Loneliness and boredom can hit hard when you’re not getting the adult stimulation and conversation needed to feel connected, heard and seen.

If you’re feeling really isolated, stuck and bored, it’s worth the effort to reach out and set a weekly date to connect with a friend or someone you can see in person. Joining a support group for parents where you can share experiences and feelings can go a long way to feeling less alone. If you’d rather talk about anything other than parenting, joining a book club or other gathering related to one of your interests can create opportunities for support, intellectual stimulation and making new, inspiring connections. 

4. Lack of personal time

Remember the days when no one was knocking on the bathroom door and you could take a shower for as long as you wanted? Or having the quiet and personal space to focus on reading a book or journaling? When you feel like you have no time to yourself, boredom with the limited opportunities you do have for self-care and personal expression can quickly turn into frustration and anger.

Seek out help from family members, friends and/or your partner to carve out the time you need in order to exercise, relax or unplug from the stresses of parenting.

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5. You’ve abandoned your goals

Motherhood and parenting is a full-time job, even if you’re holding down another job or career. The caregiving, caring and devotion don’t end, even as your child or children grow. Often there are new stresses and stressors as your child hits new milestones. Your own goals may sit just out of reach or remain fuzzy in the background of your mind. A lack of goals related to your own personal growth can leave you feeling bored, numb, disconnected and disengaged.

What are three areas of personal growth you can commit to actively working on? Your fulfillment and aspirations matter. Your children will benefit from your positive mood and inspiration, and when you have another source of energy, you’ll have even more to give.

Boredom can be a normal part of motherhood, but it doesn’t have to feel like groundhog day every day. Taking time to seek support, connecting with others who share similar experiences, and reconnecting to your deep personal goals and interests can help renew a sense of purpose and meaning in your days that includes your children and also feeds your soul.

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Stephanie Lazzara is an NYC-based ICF-certified holistic life, health, and relationship coach. She helps her clients build healthier habits for better relationships.