11 Things You Absolutely Have To Accept Before You Become A Mom
You have to have a flexible mindset in order to be a mother.
George Rudy / Shutterstock "Oh, I can't have you over," other moms say. "My house is a mess." As soon as I arrive for a playdate, before hello, they say, "Don't judge me, the house is a wreck. No, seriously, it's destroyed. Please don't look. I'm so embarrassed."
When I go into the house of the mom who's so apologetic about the condition of her kitchen, or the toys in her living room, or the invisible dirt in her bathroom, I can't decide if I want to laugh in her face or deck her. Insisting your house shouldn't be dirty speaks to clinical delusion, your misunderstanding of small children, your secret desire to make me feel guilty, or maybe your desperate need for reassurance. Probably all of the above. For all you mamas insisting your immaculate house is messy, and all you normal mamas therefore afraid to have anyone come into your house ever (because that level of cleaning is just not achievable due to kids/time/dogs/life/constant art projects), let's set some guidelines. You can either have a sense of shame or small children, and I've got three boys under age five, so for me, these things are completely normal.
These are 11 things you absolutely have to accept before you become a mom
1. At least one room in your house will never be clean
Figure8Photos via Canva
In my house, it's the dining room, furnished with my great-grandmother's cherry dining suite, including a buffet and china cabinet. I sew on the table and store art supplies in and around and between the hunt board and the wine rack.
Remember when the local AC Moore went out of business? Yeah, it relocated to my dining room, where I stash file cabinets in available floor space, dry glitter art next to the sewing machine, and sometimes train tracks under the table. None of that gorgeous cherry is currently visible. I neaten this room for birthdays and holidays requiring fine china. Otherwise, you aren't allowed to see it, Judgy McJudgerson. As long as they're clean, you're home-free.
And hey, research shows that "working in a messy room seems to help [people] try new things and come up with creative ideas." So if you want to raise creative humans, it's a score!
2. Your laundry will be everywhere
Figure8Photos via Canva
Current house tally: five clean baskets in the laundry room (blocking the auxiliary fridge and probably creating a certifiable fire hazard); one clean basket in the master bedroom; a clean load in the dryer, and one in the washer.
There's no basket of dirty clothes anywhere. We're this week's laundry heroes! Will those clean baskets make it to folding, or, even more daunting, into drawers? Maybe. I'm feeling it lately. But a relative of mine, who shall not be named, once had to hide her kids' Christmas present — a pet snake — from all the kids and her husband for two weeks. She stashed it under the laundry baskets in her bedroom. She's the all-time laundry hero, ladies.
3. Your sink, dishwasher, table, and counter will all be full of dishes
sambarfoto via Canva
So, you use a teaspoon for your cereal. When you get to the giant soup spoon — or worse, start to contemplate that spikey grapefruit spoon at the bottom of the silverware drawer — then you need to do a load, if only so the kids have plates for lunch.
The folks at Cascade note that "running your dishwasher at least once a week keeps the motor seals working properly." So, no need to push yourself to do it more often unless you want to.
4. Your kids' bath toys will be right where they left them after the bath water drains
kandypix from Getty Images via Canva
Don't pull that shower curtain shut. We know what's behind it.
Molly Maid does recommend that after each bath, you should "squeeze as much water out of the toys as possible. Set them along the side of the tub or somewhere else where they can dry quickly. Turn on the bathroom exhaust fan for 15 to 20 minutes after bath time to draw humidity out of the room and help the toys dry even faster."
But there's always the option of just tossing them and getting new ones.
5. Toys will be scattered all over the house
studioroman via Canva
And no matter how hard you try, you'll never get them all picked up.
True story: I've found those stupid ball-pit balls in my washer, my front yard, and stuffed between car seats. We have the same problem with Duplos, which I confiscated on seriously tenuous grounds, and Star Wars figures.
If I come over to your house and notice plastic army men in the space behind your toilet, I'm not judging you.
6. There will be cups, cups, and more cups
OLHA TSIPLYAR from olharomaniuk via Canva
Everywhere. All the time. Somehow, we didn't perish of dehydration in the '80s when my mother wouldn't let us out of the kitchen with a Tupperware sippy of Kool-Aid.
But my kids will shrivel into complaining oblivion without a cup of juice at all times, except they leave them everywhere, and then get a new one. They now hold up drinks and ask, "Is this good, Mama?" before taking a swig. So do yours. Don't lie.
7. Any art you hang will be damaged
Nicolesy via Canva
My bathtub has some hopefully/maybe/eventually-will-fade tie-dye stains. I need to repaint part of the kitchen wall, because who lets their toddlers use their acrylics? This mama!
At the very least, your toddler took a pen to the wall and you haven't had time to Magic Erase it yet.
8. You won't be able to see the floor of your car
SeventyFour from Getty Images via Canva
Where else are you supposed to toss all those Chick-fil-A cups? Or the spare diapers? Or the dirty sippy cups? Seriously.
Your husband probably complains about it, but will he clean it out for you? Nope. So that's how it stays.
9. You'll forget trash day every time
Johnny H5 from Getty Images via Canva
So, your trash cans are overflowing and your recycling bin looks like a seriously committed raccoon lives at your address, but really, you just forgot garbage day two weeks in a row. It's cool.
It's common to become more forgetful after you become a mother. As long as you were able to get the trash out of the house, you're a garbage day winner. High-five!
10. You won't have dusted, and you will not dust
KatarzynaBialasiewicz from Getty Images via Canva
Perhaps ever, or at least since your parents last visited. I think I maybe own Pledge? Somewhere? Don't look at the upper bookshelves, especially if you suffer from allergies.
When you become a parent, your priorities shift, and dusting simply cannot take first place all of the time.
11. Some part of your house will be in disrepair
Artush via Canva
My oldest son has never seen us use the shower in our master bath. He's 4. We need to replace the tile and just haven't managed it somehow. I thought this was a horrible, abnormal, horrific shame until, in flagrant disregard for social mores, I mentioned this to other mothers.
Two of them copped to unusable bathrooms. One mentioned a deck with holes. Another has to warn visitors not to attempt the front stairs. I salute you, my sisters in disorder.
So, there you have it. Either your house is really, really clean, and you should stop apologizing, or at the very least, you can stop your shame and host playdates for once.
We're all in the same boat. I won't look in your dining room if you don't look in mine.
Elizabeth Broadbent is a writer and regular contributor to Scary Mommy. Her work has appeared on Today Show Parents, Babble, xoJane, Mamapedia, and Time Magazine Ideas.
