If Someone Grew Up With Strict Parents, They Usually Still Use These 11 Phrases As Adults
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Growing up in a household with strict parents can really shape a person, even if they're well into their adulthood. It's because all those rules and expectations were baked into their brain, from having to come home at a certain time, not being able to do anything pleasurable until homework was finished, or being expected to talk to adults in a certain way. Those lessons and the subsequent consequences that followed if you didn't adhere properly oftentimes stick with you longer than you may think they will.
Even as an adult, it shows up in the way you talk and interact with other people and the relationships that you have in your life. So, if someone grew up with strict parents, they usually still use certain phrases as adults. While using these phrases isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially if they help you stay on top of things and keep order in your life, being aware of them can help you understand why you react or speak in a certain way.
If someone grew up with strict parents, they usually still use these 11 phrases as adults
1. 'Do it right the first time'
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Chances are you heard your parents chastise you if you weren't able to get something right the first time. Especially if they were strict, they often had expectations of how there was no room to learn through mistakes.
Instead, it was about learning the first time around. Now, as an adult, this might become the soundtrack to your life.
"Perfectionism is a barrier; we place it in front of ourselves to avoid painful feelings. At once, we believe it — considering it as a self-evident and, thus, objective standard — and use it to mask our shame, of both who we are and how we’ve managed our affairs," explained licensed mental health counselor Leon Garber.
Even when no one is telling you to do something perfectly, you find yourself constantly going over your work and planning every single step as thoroughly as you can. The problem with this is that mistakes are honestly way more helpful than they seem.
If you're constantly striving to be great at every single thing, you'll end up doing more harm than good to yourself and even your own self-esteem.
2. 'Be prepared for anything'
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If someone grew up with strict parents, they usually still use the phrase "be prepared for anything" as adults. Hearing this as a child is probably the reason why you had an extra set of pencils in your backpack when going to school or that you made sure to triple-check directions before going out with your friends.
Your parents didn't just want you to ready in case something happened, they also wanted you to anticipate the worst-case scenario and prepare accordingly. As an adult, this may have stuck with you immensely.
Now, you're the person who overpacks for every single vacation or you keep an extra pair of clothes in your trunk for if something were to happen. You're constantly being extra cautious about certain things, and this habit has made you quite the dependable person for others.
3. 'Handle your business'
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This phrase might have stuck with you as an adult in ways that you may not even notice at first. But you're the type of person who is always paying their bills and rent on time, making sure you respond to your friends' texts with ample enough time, and you never cross things off your to-do list until they're completed in their entirety.
Even if it means staying up until all hours of the night or working yourself ragged, you make sure to handle your business because it's something that was drilled into your head by your strict parents. They wanted to teach the importance of responsibility, but you may have felt extra pressure to stay on top of things, sometimes to your own detriment.
4. 'No excuses'
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This wasn't ever a suggestion if you grew up with strict parents, but pretty much an equally strict rule. If you messed up in any way, your parents probably wanted you to immediately take accountability.
As a kid, it might have felt incredibly harsh, as if your feelings didn't matter as long as you were owning up to the problem and fixing it. However, as you grew older, that lesson may have really stuck in your mind.
"Self-accountability is foundational to a well-lived life. And it's often tested more quietly and regularly than we may realize. It's in the everyday choices that either move us closer to or further away from who we want to be," insisted wellness scholar Robyne Hanley-Dafoe.
It's never a bad thing to learn how to be accountable from a young age. But if you internalize these words a lot, it might mean that you're someone who pushes themselves to meet deadlines and tackle responsibilities without letting anything slow you down in the process.
There can be a lot of pressure that comes from this "no excuses" mantra, and if you're not careful, you might end up burning out completely.
5. 'Don't let small things bother you'
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Hearing that life is so much bigger than that one misstep might follow you into adulthood. Your parents constantly wanted you to look at the bigger picture and not make a fuss if something didn't go your way or if you had a frivolous argument with a friend or younger sibling. It might have felt like your feelings were being dismissed in the moment for what your parents thought was more important.
"You may discover that the only way to move on with your life is to get closer to the pain, and the only way to do that is to let yourself feel it. So here's a rubric for remembering what to do when an emotion you don’t like shows up: feel it; don't fight it or feed it," encouraged psychotherapist Matthew S. Boone, and psychologists Jennifer A. Gregg and Lisa W. Coyne.
As an adult, you might catch yourself brushing off annoyances that bother other people. While this can be a good thing, as it allows you to move on and not harbor on things that really don't matter in the long run, it can be detrimental when you refuse to let yourself feel.
Just because something might not seem like a big deal doesn't mean that it isn't. Allowing yourself to feel frustrated helps you process those emotions.
6. 'Stay out of arguments'
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Any time things got tense when you were a kid, whether it was happening in your own house or with friends at school, your parents may have been extra diligent about warning you to stay out of the drama. Getting involved in arguments would only make you look bad, at least that's what your parents urged you to think about.
Whether it was "mind your business" or "stay out of arguments," iIf someone grew up with strict parents, they usually still use these phrases as adults. And while it may have worked for child situations, as an adult, you might not be afraid of conflict altogether.
Healthy conflict is sometimes needed in the many relationships that we cultivate in our adult life. We simply cannot exist without experiencing a bit of conflict and disagreement.
It doesn't mean that things have to get nasty or extra dramatic, though. There's always a way to have a healthy dialogue with someone if you're not agreeing about something. But avoiding it altogether can prove to bring more drama into your life.
7. 'Don't be sloppy'
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Whether this was said to you when it came to cleaning your room, making sure your homework was done well, or how the rest of the household chores were meant to be handled, this was a phrase you most likely heard plenty of times growing up.
It's so embedded in your brain that you most likely hear it reverberating when you're doing tasks and even just going about your daily routine as an adult. You tend to truly pay attention to the details and make sure that everything is done neatly and organized completely.
"Although self-criticism may serve certain functions, the research overwhelmingly shows that self-criticism is more harmful than helpful. In addition, although it may feel as though self-criticizing will help us to change our behaviors, recent research shows that being self-compassionate is more effective in this regard," explained psychologist Allison Kelly.
It's a habit that makes you look quite reliable and efficient, just in the same way that it can make you overly critical of yourself. Sometimes being messy can be one of the best ways to get things done. You're not worrying too much about how it will look when it comes out, as long as you get it done in the first place. But trying to pay attention to every minor detail can end up doing more harm than good.
8. 'Don't be reckless with money'
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According to a survey from Clever Real Estate, almost three-quarters (74%) of individuals reported overspending, and over half (55%) said they spend recklessly. But when you grew up with strict parents, the lessons of money management probably mean that you are now incredibly smart with your money, avoiding falling into the same category as most other adults.
If someone grew up with strict parents, they usually still use phrases as adults related to spending and saving their money. You're never spending more than you make and you hesitate before making big or impulsive purchases to see if you really need it anyway.
That's because your parents may have modeled frugal spending when you were young. They made it loud and clear that it can be easy to end up with no money if you're not practicing the right habits.
9. 'Be reliable'
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Growing up with strict parents meant that you were expected to follow through on promises. If you said you were going to show up somewhere, you couldn't make excuses about not being there.
You were taught that your word means something, and if you go back on it, people will not be happy about it. That message has stuck to you heavily as an adult.
You're the person who's never late for anything. In fact, you make sure to show up at least 10 minutes early. You don't disappear. People know they can count on you to be there for them through anything.
However, while it's good to be reliable, it's not good to do it at a detriment to your own well-being. You should know yourself well enough to figure out if showing up will deplete your mental and physical energy. It doesn't mean you have to become a flake, but it's just about knowing where the balance is.
10. 'Don't be impulsive'
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It didn't matter if it was tied to a new hobby that you'd picked up as a kid or if it was about deciding the outfit you wanted to wear to school — your strict parents made sure that you grew up as a decisive person. You weren't doing things on impulse or just because everyone else was doing the same thing.
As an adult, you may think about things quite intently before you commit. You really weigh out the pros and cons, going over every possible outcome and imagining what could go wrong before you decide if it's something that you want to do.
You're simply a careful individual, and while that's good and all, it's also fine to sometimes be just a little spontaneous. You'd be surprised at just how much fun you can have by going with the flow on some things, not everything.
"Many of us have experienced the unparalleled satisfaction that arises from unplanned experiences, which exceed the expectations we never had the chance to build up. Spontaneous outings, unstructured afternoons, and spur-of-the-moment decisions can be incredibly rewarding, and pleasantly surprising," counselor Amy Green insisted.
11. 'Don't let anyone down'
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This kind of pressure may have hung over head like a dark cloud when you were young. Everything that you did had to not only be done to the best of your ability, but so that no one had a reason to be disappointed in you.
Having strict parents push this mentality onto you really does follow you into adulthood. You may take commitments seriously — probably too seriously.
Taking time for yourself just isn't in the picture at all. You show up even when you know in your heart of hearts that you should probably just stay home and rest.
This lingering fear of disappointing people weighs heavily on every decision you make. You'd rather stress yourself out and stretch yourself too thin than admit that you can't handle being in all these places all the time.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
