If Your Dad Always Has The TV On, He's Avoiding These 11 Fears
Tanya Dvoretskaya / Shutterstock I grew up in a background TV household. My partner, on the other hand, was raised in a household where music was playing at all times. Now that we live together, we often find ourselves on opposite sides of what we want to play while doing other tasks. He once asked me who got me hooked on having the TV on at all times, and when I thought about it, I realized it was my dad!
My dad is big on TV. Not that he really ever watches it, aside from sports. He likes to have his comfort shows on in the background during the day while he works. A lot of dads are like that. They need something playing at all times. Maybe it is because they are actively avoiding something. Whether it’s quieting the thoughts in their head or avoiding having a difficult conversation with someone at home, when you have noise at all times, it can help distract you from the world around you. If your dad always has the TV on, he's usually avoiding these 11 fears.
1. Listening to his own thoughts
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I am guilty of doing this. Having the TV on in the background helps me focus on anything but my intrusive thoughts. We have all had negative thoughts. When our fathers experience the same thing, they may want to avoid it at all costs. Coming to terms with what’s going on in our heads is never an easy task.
This is especially difficult for men. They are raised to suppress their emotions. They often push their feelings down, hoping they never come to the surface. If you notice your dad always has the TV on in the background, he might be avoiding coming to terms with one of his biggest fears: his own thoughts. As he aged, his thoughts may become even more stressful. The fears that he deals with daily, he will keep to himself. He needs a distraction.
2. Having a tough conversation
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Since men struggle with sharing their emotions, having difficult conversations can be taxing. They will try to avoid them at all costs because they are one of his deepest fears. If someone at home is triggering these feelings in him, the TV can serve as a great excuse to keep them from talking. If he can just tune out and listen to the background noise, maybe he will forget how much this fear is impacting him.
No one wants to have a conversation with someone who may hurt their feelings. Whether he’s struggling with his wife or worried about his children, bringing these thoughts to the surface can make him feel overwhelmed. Instead, he’ll rely on the TV to distract him. The background noise may lighten his mood.
3. Aging
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Getting older is scary. No matter how much we hope to accept aging, it’s not always attainable. With age comes different stressors. It could be health struggles or the passing of your closest loved ones. These events take a toll on people. When a dad finds solace in background noise, he could be avoiding the struggles of aging. Instead, he is looking for an escape.
A fear of aging is so serious that there is even a name for it. “Society’s focus on youthfulness and capability can cause anxiety about becoming weak and unwanted. Adverts for anti-ageing products are everywhere, reinforcing the idea that growing older is inherently unattractive,” says Chao Fang and Alastair Comery, two sociologists for The Conversation. “Some people fear ageing so much that it becomes a pathological condition called gerascophobia, leading to irrational thoughts and behaviour, for example, a fixation on health, illness and mortality and a preoccupation with hiding the signs of ageing.”
4. Silence
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Silence is something that makes me uncomfortable. I much prefer to have the TV on in the background to avoid it. I know my dad is the same way. Sometimes the loudest rooms are the silent ones. It can be tough to escape those feelings of dread that come from being alone with your thoughts in a quiet room.
If your dad always has the TV on, he might be avoiding silence. He could be afraid of what his mind is telling him. Instead, he wants to lean into whatever is on the TV as a helpful distraction. I’m sure many of us can relate. There is some comfort in hearing the sound of a show you’ve watched 100 times when you’re trying to avoid silence out of fear.
5. Loneliness
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Imagine this. You spent the (at least) last 18 years with your children at home. You devoted your life to them. Dinner was always entertaining with voices filling the room. Even on those days when they got on your nerves, you wouldn’t have traded it for a quiet household. While parents celebrate their children growing up and becoming their own selves, an empty nest can be heartbreaking.
When I feel lonely, I like to have the TV on. Especially if it is a show I’ve watched many times. When characters feel like friends, it can help soothe loneliness. The sound of people talking in their home can make your dad feel less alone. He likely relies on the TV to remedy his loneliness from time to time.
6. Being vulnerable
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Men struggle with vulnerability. “To them, “being a man” means you have to suck it up no matter what, hold in your feelings because no one really wants to hear it, be stoic, do the work, and provide. Many men feel like they either fit under the label of “weak” or “strong” and it’s all based on the results of their efforts and their ability to provide. There is no in-between,” says Misty Buck for Purpose Soul Athletics. The TV can be a crutch to avoid vulnerability for fathers.
If you notice your dad is feeling down, but he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’ll turn the TV on and have you focus on a TV show. There’s no need for vulnerability when you can focus on the dialogue in a sitcom or drama. He’d rather listen to others talk than be vulnerable and open with you. It’s something that society has taught men since they were children.
7. Becoming unproductive
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If you notice your dad is feeling down, but he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’ll turn the TV on and have you focus on a TV show. There’s no need for vulnerability when you can focus on the dialogue in a sitcom or drama. He’d rather listen to others talk than be vulnerable and open with you. It’s something that society has taught men since they were children.
As men age, their ability to be productive slowly decreases. When someone has worked for decades as a provider, it can be devastating to see their productivity decline. It’s common for men to put all of their self-esteem in their working ability. They all have to retire, or at least take a step back, at a certain point. That feeling of losing purpose can be difficult.
In an attempt to feel productive, he might become motivated by the television. He could spend time watching the news or devoting his mind to learning something new from documentaries. No matter what avenue he takes, watching something insightful can make him feel like he is doing something.
8. Boredom
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If your dad has recently retired or become an empty nester, he is likely bored. The things that took up most of his time are no longer there. Instead, he may rely on TV to cure his boredom. Some men can truly fear loneliness. They want people around to distract them and keep them company. When a dad relies on the TV every day, he may be trying to escape boredom.
“If your life is particularly stressful or depressing, or even if it is just boring, what could be more tempting than curling up on the couch and watching hour after hour of TV that is so engaging, it makes you forget everything else?” asks Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. TV has been a source to cure boredom since it was created.
9. Showing emotion
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Going along with the fear of vulnerability, showing emotions to their loved ones can bring forward fear in fathers. This once again goes back to the pressure placed on men to remain stoic. This was especially taught to the older generations. Our fathers fear being open about their emotions. They can be struggling, but they don’t want you to see them that way. Instead, they’ll turn on the TV and try to use it as a distraction.
The distraction is helpful because they think you won’t ask them how they’re doing. They believe that turning on a show can prevent complicated conversations from unfolding. They can also avoid their emotions when they are alone by devoting time to watching different shows. It's a coping mechanism many men use.
10. High stress
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Being a father is scary for several reasons, but one way is the amount of stress that comes with the role. High stress situations are something a father is no stranger to. Whether it’s their work or raising their children, it’s not easy to cope with this taxing toll. They might turn to TV to distract themselves from their fear of stress and the amount of pressure placed on them.
“Fathers often feel like they have too many hats to wear. They want to be supportive partners for their spouses. They want to be good dads. And often, they feel pressure to fill the traditional job of the family breadwinner,” says Michael B. Moore, MD, for Inova Newsroom. “But doing it all can be exhausting. Many fathers experience chronic stress or disorders such as depression or anxiety. Yet a lot of them ignore their symptoms rather than seek help. That’s bad for their own mental health, of course, but it doesn’t end there: A father’s mental health has a big impact on his children’s development and well-being.”
11. Change
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I don’t know about you, but change terrifies me. I hate the feeling of the unknown. Our dads are no different. So many things change as we get older. To avoid their fear of change, they might turn to watching TV. They may favor the same show they’ve seen a million times because they already know where the story is going and are happy with it. Looking into new things can be overwhelming if you are afraid of change.
“Men are notorious for resisting change and having habitual behaviors that they do not want to let go of,” says Unimed Living.
It can be scary to let go of those behaviors. Instead, they’ll turn to the TV, something that has always been a constant in their lives. Change is never easy, and if you notice your father constantly watching the same shows, he might be dealing with a deeper fear he doesn’t want to share with you.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
