11 Harsh Life Lessons Gen X Tried To Teach Their Kids That Gen Z Still Hasn’t Learned
These are tough lessons that usually come with experience. Our wisdom was earned, and we are trying our best to pass it down.
Grustock / Shutterstock Gen X was built different. We were latchkey kids who had to be tough and resourceful growing up. We weren't perfect, but we learned to survive in a world that didn't always care what we thought or felt. If we wanted to have a bright future, it was on us. The cold, hard truths we learned about life were the tools we needed to prepare for life, and we embraced struggle head-on.
Then we started raising Gen Z, and it quickly became apparent that they were just not like us. They see the world through a different lens, and that's not always a good thing. They are much more connected than we were and have made big strides in innovation, empathy, and progress, but they could benefit from the lessons Gen X learned as a generation built on resilience and realistic thinking. Generation X stayed on the right path without Google Maps to guide them or "trigger warnings" to protect them from the dangers and traumas that lurk in the world. We have some priceless life lessons to share with our kids, and while they might be harsh, they are necessary if we want them to be their best selves.
Here are 11 harsh life lessons Gen X tried to teach their kids that Gen Z still hasn't learned
1. Life is not fair
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I once listened to a sermon by T.D. Jakes called "Favor Ain't Fair." He talked about our tendency to look at what other people have and wonder why they have been blessed while we have been overlooked. He talked about the fact that life is not fair and that we shouldn't expect it to be. Gen X understood that and never expected participation awards or safe spaces.
We knew life was brutal and never tried to sugarcoat it for our kids. Unfortunately, Gen Z still has a hard time processing the idea that fairness is not guaranteed. Things won't always go your way. There will be unanticipated obstacles, losses, and missed opportunities, but you have to just keep moving ahead. This is hard for Gen Z, as they have difficulty when reality doesn't meet their expectations.
2. No one owes you anything
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Pictures of my Gen Zers should be in the dictionary under the word "entitlement." They seem to think it is their birthright to get whatever they want from me. Unlike Gen X, who learned in adolescence that respect, money, and success are earned, Gen Z wants it handed to them on a silver platter. They think that just because you have it, they should. They are in for a rude awakening.
Those of us born into Generation X never expected the world to give us anything. We worked hard and went after the things we wanted, fully aware that we might fall short, but we would keep pushing. Gen Z has been validated at home and by random strangers online, so they expect the same reception everywhere they go in life.
3. Feelings aren't facts
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There was a time when young people were not coddled. You were expected to tough it out or get over it if your emotions got to be overwhelming. Gen X had to sit with their feelings of upset and sadness and deal with them. While having mental health support is vital to the future of our young people, Gen Z has been provided with a level of handholding that is unprecedented for us.
The pendulum between how they feel versus the truth has swung so far that the lines are now blurred. They expect their feelings to override facts, and that's just not how the world works. Sometimes working through things builds character and strength. It's not necessary to dissect every emotion or whim. Yes, be emotionally intelligent, but don't give us a deep dive or TED Talk every time you feel something.
4. Work hard, then play hard
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Gen X knew that hustle came before comfort. We knew that finding the perfect job or having a work-life balance was a luxury that we would love to have, but could live without. We did what we had to do to survive and believed that if we worked hard, rewards would be sure to follow, so we never complained.
The pride that Gen X took in hard work did not trickle down to our kids. We never wanted them to go through the trials and tribulations that we experienced, so we overcompensated and gave them the silver spoon we never had. Now, Gen Z expects things to come easily. They want to plug-and-play at a dream job without doing what it takes to get there. They value leisure over grinding.
5. Being rejected makes you a better person
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Gen X had thick skin. Rejection was a part of life, and we knew how to keep going after hearing "no." Whether it was our biggest crush, a college application, the job we wanted the most, or a friendship, being turned away was taken in stride and used to build character. But Gen Z has been raised in an era where we removed roadblocks for them. For them, rejection is appalling and seen as a personal attack.
Gen X kids learned to take a licking and keep on ticking. They didn't need to world to know how unfair it was that they didn't get the part, or were looked over for the promotion. We bounced back from rejection and tackled the next goal. If at first we didn't succeed, we brushed ourselves off and tried again... and again... and again.
6. It's not about you
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Gen Z is under the impression that the world revolves around them. They are the main characters in every story, and everyone else is part of their supporting cast. Gen Z, on the other hand, grew up with a sense of humility and collaboration. There were times when we were the center of attention and others when we were expected to play the background, and both were okay.
Gen X's predecessors, the Baby Boomers, were intent on making us figure it out on our own, and we had no choice but to step up. We shared space and didn't take things personally. We didn't have algorithms that were tailored to our exact preferences and were forced to accommodate world views over our individual perspectives.
7. Privacy is a priceless power
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In a world of social media, many people from Generation Z plaster the details of their personal lives all over the internet, then complain when the publicity they sought comes back to bite them. Before social media, Gen X had a healthy sense of what should be kept to themselves. We knew that everyone didn't need to know everything about us.
Gen Xers valued keeping their struggles to themselves, celebrating wins with people who cared about them, and protecting the things that should be private. But this new generation will broadcast even their intrusive thoughts online. They overshare and reap unintended repercussions. They put their every emotion out there for public consumption, then wonder why everyone has their name in their mouths.
8. Failure isn't fatal
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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Gen X messed up early and often. We didn't have a safety net to catch us, so we knew how to fail forward without spiraling. We took failure as feedback, something to learn from so you can do better in the future. It wasn't the end of the world. It was just the universe redirecting us, and we listened.
Gen Z often sees mistakes as detrimental to their lives. They perceive it as a scarlet letter on their forehead to let the world know that they are a lifetime loser. Instead of viewing a loss as part of the journey, they see it as a dead-end road that will stop them from ever reaching their destination. Failure can discourage Generation Z from ever taking another risk.
9. Hard conversations are necessary
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I remember gathering with my large family on the weekends as a child. There was always someone who would say the difficult thing. They had a problem and wanted the entire family to know it. There are disagreements, yelling, and even a physical confrontation here and there, but all the cards were laid on the table, and issues were addressed instead of being brushed under the rug. Gen X never feared having hard conversations. We expected them.
Instead of allowing our kids to work through tough interactions, we stepped in and overprotected them. Now, Gen Z struggles with direct confrontation and prefers passive-aggressive behavior, subliminal posts, or ghosting someone altogether. Real life required talking through things we'd rather steer clear of, but they simply don't have the expertise to do it.
10. You need street smarts just as much as you need book smarts
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I laugh to myself every time I think about a call I got from my teen son a couple of weeks ago. He had gone into the customer waiting area at Ace Hardware because he had noticed that there were "free" drinks and snacks while walking past. So, he drank the soda and gorged on popcorn until they kicked him out. He was so confused about why they were giving out free snacks and kicking kids out for enjoying them.
It was at that moment that I realized I might have failed as a mother. My kids were genius-level smart, but would not survive if they had to be on the streets. Unlike us Gen Xers, who relied on instincts and common sense, Gen Z can lack real-world logic and problem-solving skills. Not everything can be Googled. There are some lessons that you won't find in a textbook.
11. A little gratitude goes a long way
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I have a confession to make. I recently went to the store and stopped right in front of my child's favorite food. I made an intentional decision not to get it because he had not shown any gratitude the last time I brought him an unexpected treat. Gen X didn't have the privilege of being top of mind when our parents shopped, so when we were, we were as gracious as possible.
Gen Z grew up in an atmosphere of abundance and entitlement. They expect us to give them everything their heart desires, so why would they feel the need to show gratitude? In their eyes, we are simply doing our jobs. They are accustomed to instant gratification and are unaware that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Learning gratitude could be their most powerful lesson.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
