11 Things Only Gen X Understands About Growing Up Without Being Coddled
Gen X knows there are major benefits, and also major drawbacks, to being left to your own devices as a kid.
Pablo Rogat / Shutterstock Every generation does things differently than the generation before them, especially when it comes to raising kids. Today’s parents are more careful than parents were back in the 80s and 90s, and for the most part, that’s a positive thing, as kids need to feel safe, emotionally and physically, to truly thrive.
That said, there are some specific things only Gen X understands about growing up without being coddled, including the fact that some of the grittier life lessons they learned are best left in the past.
Here are 11 things only Gen X understands about growing up without being coddled
1. Boredom isn’t a bad thing
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Being bored is a childhood rite of passage, which is something only Gen X understands about growing up without being coddled. Their parents didn’t care if they were bored, and they definitely didn’t drop everything to entertain them. If Gen X kids complained about being bored, their parents told them that only boring people get bored.
According to psychologist Stephanie Lee, being bored can be a great way for kids to expand their emotional capacity.
“Life requires us to manage our frustrations and regulate our emotions when things aren’t going our way, and boredom is a great way to teach that skill,” she explained. “The key is to help kids learn how to manage their boredom so they can develop independence and feel agency over their own happiness and well-being.”
For Gen X kids, there was no such thing as being over-scheduled. All they had was free time. They rode their bikes until the streetlights came on and explored every hidden corner of their neighborhood. Gen X knows that some of the best adventures come from being bored.
2. There are no trophies for losing in real life
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Gen X understands that life won’t always be fair, which means sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Either way, you don’t get participation trophies in the real world– What you get is something way more valuable.
Learning how to lose when you’re younger helps you become a more successful adult. Not winning a soccer game feels high stakes when you’re a kid, but there will be even bigger losses along the way. Missing the tie-breaking goal teaches kids how to handle disappointment. The lesson of losing gracefully is worth way more than any trophy.
3. ‘Because I said so’ is a valid parenting move
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Following the rules is part of growing up without being coddled. All emotions are valid, but parents don’t have to make decisions based on how their kids feel, which is something only Gen X understands. It might seem cruel, but parents don’t owe their kids an explanation for every single thing.
When Gen X kids were growing up, “Because I said so” was a perfectly acceptable thing to say. Parents didn’t have to justify reasons for their rules, they just made them and expected their kids to fall in line, full stop, end of sentence.
4. Drinking water from the hose won’t hurt you
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Gen Alpha can collect as many Stanley Cups as they want. They’ll still never know the pure joy that comes from drinking water straight out of the garden hose on a hot summer day. Gen X understands the importance of staying hydrated, but they didn’t need a fancy water bottle, or any water bottle, at all.
Gen X understands that drinking water from the garden hose was something to be proud of, not feared. They got their water straight from the source, and they survived to tell the tale.
5. Screen time can’t replace real connection
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Gen X childhoods were defined by a certain sense of freedom. After school ended, kids were set loose to do pretty much whatever they wanted. They roamed the neighborhood or hung out at home, watching TV until their parents got back from work.
As former latchkey kids, Gen X understands that screen time can’t replace real connection. They might know everything there is to know about 80s pop culture, but they missed out on having parents who knew exactly what was going on in their lives.
For Gen X, the warm glow of the television set was both the babysitter and their best friend. Unlimited screen time might sound fun in theory, but having an actual conversation with people you love is way better.
6. Kids need to play outside
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When Gen X kids were growing up, their parents often told them to go play outside until dinnertime. They climbed trees and organized epic games of capture-the-flag. This semi-feral Gen X childhood experience is something that parents today would never allow, but Gen X understands that playing outside is the most beneficial thing kids can do.
According to pediatrician Katie Lockwood, playing outside is essential for kids’ emotional and physical development
“Outdoor play helps children grow socially, helping them to develop healthy ways of forming friendships, responding to physical interaction, and using their imaginations to entertain each other,” she shared. “It helps them solve problems, build relationships within their peer group and gain a respect for nature.”
7. Parents shouldn’t solve every single problem for their kids
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It’s a parent’s job to protect their kids from harm, but that doesn’t automatically mean protecting them from every single conflict they face. Gen X understands that part of being a kid means learning to solve your own problems without your parents stepping in to save you.
“Kids need to realize getting what you want doesn't always come easily. That's the best way to raise an emotionally resilient child,” social worker Cheryl Gerson explained. “That doesn't mean we throw our children to the wolves. Instead, we need to walk by their side as they learn just how strong they can be.”
When it comes to preparing kids for the rest of their lives, Gerson shared that “We don't help them grow by letting them bail out of anything that pushes their comfort zone. Our kids need us to teach them the value of staying with something difficult.”
8. Chores aren’t a choice
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Gen X understands that chores aren’t a choice, they’re part of growing up in a family without being coddled. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, making kids do chores serves a very real purpose. Kids who help out around the house gain a sense of agency and responsibility. They learn to be independent and take care of their own things.
Kids who do chores have higher self-esteem. They know how to handle frustration and adversity, and they’re better at delaying gratification. They have first-hand knowledge that allowance isn’t something they just get, rather, it’s something they earn for pitching in and pulling their weight around the house.
9. Making mistakes is part of learning
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Being allowed to make mistakes is a big part of growing up without being coddled. Gen X understands that failure is a powerful teaching tool. They know that having all the answers helps in the classroom, but once you grow up and go out into the real world, you’re bound to make mistakes.
Learning from those mistakes is part of becoming your most authentic self. As transformational parenting coach Mia Von Scha pointed out, “We need our children to see that when they (or we) fail this does not make us ‘failures.’ It makes us people who are willing to try.”
“Parents should learn how to raise kids who aren't afraid to fail. If you’re afraid to fail, you will never try anything new or different,” she concluded.
10. A little independence goes a long way
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As much as parents want to keep their kids safe, constantly hovering over them does them a disservice later in life. Gen X understands that a little independence goes a long way, especially when it comes to building confidence.
Being a good, present parent doesn’t mean you have to watch over your kids’ every move. Kids need an age-appropriate amount of space to become the people they’re meant to be.
11. Doing scary things makes you stronger
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The world is a very different place than it was when Gen X was young. Back then, they rode bikes without helmets and sat in the way, way back of the family station wagon without seatbelts. While it’s true that every advancement in child safety is a good thing, Gen X understands that, sometimes, you need to step out of your comfort zone and do things that scare you.
That doesn’t mean taking your life into your own hands, but it does mean taking calculated risks, like trying something new or being vulnerable and open with your feelings. Fear is more than just a great motivator, and it’s a great way to transform and prove how strong and capable you really are.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a freelance writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
