11 Things Gen Z Secretly Resents About Their Childhood, But Rarely Admits Out Loud
Holding onto unresolved trauma only sabotages your current well-being, relationships, and happiness.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Gen Z was one of the first generations, if not the first, to grow up almost entirely in the digital age, with cellphones, social media, and internet accessibility at their fingertips. While this accessibility opened up a lot of room for new opportunities, growth, identity formation, community, connection, and knowledge, it also sparked a lot of the things Gen Z secretly resents about their childhood, but rarely admits out loud.
From recognizing patterns of childhood trauma online in adulthood to literally struggling with the consequences of social media as a kid, Gen Z is still battling with uncovering and having hard conversations about their experiences from early in life. However, even if you don't agree or share the same experiences, recognizing these things may help to guide you through conversations that heal resentment in your families and relationships in the future.
Here are 11 things Gen Z secretly resents about their childhood, but rarely admits out loud
1. Social media
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Even if their parents set boundaries around screen time and tried to monitor social media, many Gen Zers still resent the effects it had on their innocence and self-esteem as children. In fact, according to a Harris Poll survey, almost half of Gen Zers wish that social media didn't exist at all.
They may rarely admit it out loud, especially when their social media usage is the foundation of arguments against their work ethic from other generations and the heart of their communities, connection, and identity, but it's still one of the things they secretly resent about their childhood.
2. Toxic food relationships and body image ideals
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Many of the generations who raised Gen Z were born into a traditional culture that not only had very rigid beauty standards and expectations, but toxic diet culture and food ideas. While many Gen Zers today are actively unlearning those beliefs, unpacking experiences like "clean your plate" or "fridge or fun?" from their upbringing, it's impossible to not still resent the impact they had on self-esteem, identity, and relationships.
These ideas are passed down from generation to generation, especially between mothers and daughters that fall victim to diet culture and pervasive beauty standards most frequently, in ways that sabotage Gen Z's happiness and self-esteem later in life.
It impacts the way they view themselves, the food choices they make, their self-worth, and even their ability to experiment and learn their own authentic identity, even when they're fully aware of and actively unlearning these toxic standards and expectations.
3. Not having privacy
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Many Gen Zers, raised most commonly by Gen X parents, rarely experienced unsupervised play or opportunities to learn independence in their households early in life. Considering Gen Xers largely compensated for the absentee parenting they experienced growing up with their own kids, Gen Zers were raised by helicopter parents that struggled with boundaries and letting their kids tackle their own problems.
Whether it was cutting out sleepovers, overstepping privacy boundaries, or solving their problems for them, this lack of boundaries is one of the things Gen Z secretly resents about their childhood, but rarely admits out loud.
Of course, most parents are simply trying their best. They're not overstepping boundaries from a malicious perspective or trying to make their kids uncomfortable, but even completely well-intentioned behaviors can leave kids experiencing the consequences for decades.
4. Being pressured to go to college
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Many Gen Zers were promised things about adulthood that never came true — from being able to find a job out of college, to experiencing financial stability, and even having the opportunity to purchase a home.
However, the same traditional routes that many Gen Zers felt pressured into by their parents, leaders, and educators didn't fulfill those promises and instead left them with insurmountable student loan debt and internalized guilt.
Even though their parents and peers were only giving advice that worked for them at the same age, it's still one of the things Gen Z secretly resents about their childhood, but rarely admits out loud.
5. Watching their parents ignore their own mental health
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Many Gen Z adults are passionately trying to unlearn the mental health stigmas that their parents grew up with. Rather than suppressing their complex emotions and avoiding seeking help for their struggles, in the same way their parents did growing up with boomer parents, they try to put everything out in the open and embrace vulnerability.
Like justice studies professor Dr. Gabriel Rubin suggests, Gen Xers grew up in a space that discouraged everyone from talking about mental health and in many ways, that attitude followed them into their households and infected their parenting styles.
So, while Gen Zers may be empowered enough in adulthood to express emotion and speak about mental health, they grew up in households that sparked shame and guilt for doing so, and it's impossible not to resent that.
6. Being over-scheduled
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According to licensed clinical psychologist Ronald Stolberg, overscheduling kids and packing their calendar full of extracurriculars not only pushes them closer to burnout and makes it hard for them to learn to unwind, it equips them with a toxic mindset about productivity.
Not only do they feel more shameful about not being productive as they get older, they miss out on opportunities to experience boredom or unsupervised time away from their parents that crave independence.
In adulthood, Gen Z kids who never had a moment of downtime growing up struggle with prioritizing their down time, achieving true rest, and even being independent in their own lives. While it's possible their parents were entirely well-intentioned, it doesn't take away from the resentment they feel connecting their childhood experiences to their struggles today.
7. Being called 'lazy' for burning out
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By simply advocating for work-life balance and prioritizing their personal life, many Gen Zers have been misguidedly labeled as "lazy" by older generations. Often motivated by misaligned values and opinions about work ethic, these labels not only negatively affect their comfort and stability in the workplace, but their intergenerational relationships with peers and parents.
Being called "lazy" for burning out or having different values about work is a strong point of resentment for many Gen Z adults, leading them to disconnect from their parents and struggle with honest communication at home.
8. Not having a safe space for emotional conversations
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Differences in emotional intelligence and comfort around vulnerability between Gen Zers and their parents are some of the things Gen Z secretly resents about their childhood, but rarely admits out loud. It's also one of the points of tension that disconnects them later in life, when Gen Z adult children struggle to discuss childhood trauma and experiences with their parents.
Having a safe space for open conversation is essential for kids and their parents at any age, whether it's to best facilitate conflict-resolution, to express emotions and concerns, or to set boundaries. Not having that space is the key to breeding resentment, where everyone is suppressing emotions and keeping their concerns to themselves until they bubble up to the surface.
9. Not being able to discuss childhood trauma
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Especially with accessibility online and an openness to discussing mental health, it's not surprising that many Gen Z adults are committed to unpacking their unresolved trauma and having conversations about their childhood experiences with their parents. However, these conversations can be tricky for parents still grappling with mental health stigma and lacking the ability to express their own emotions and support their kids without judgment.
Not being able to discuss tumultuous experiences and even unpack trauma later in life is one of the things Gen Z secretly resents about their childhood, but rarely admits out loud. They're simultaneously trying to craft their adult lives while still experiencing the consequences of their trauma, growing more and more influential over their relationships and well-being as it goes unresolved.
10. Choosing a career path as a child
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Alongside pressures to go to college, many Gen Zers were also pushed to choose their passion and a concrete career path as a child. For some, it worked out well and transformed into what their life looks like today, for others it manifested into resentment and shame for not being able to pursue their "lifelong passion."
Choosing a career path as a child is how our society functions, especially to help convince young adults to pursue higher education and pressure them to intertwine their identity with work. In contrast with Gen Z's ideas about work-life balance, it's not surprising that this is a point of tension for them in adulthood.
11. Being told 'it's just a phase'
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According to data from Pew Research Center, many Gen Zers are far more fluid and experimental with their identities, self-expression, and interests than their parents were at the same age, largely because of changing social norms and values.
However, in contrast with their parents' more traditional values growing up, this experimental nature was largely dismissed and invalidated, plagued by phrases like "you'll grow out of it" or "it's just a phase."
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
