Do you prefer ice cream or cheese curls?
When there is tension or distance between you and your partner, are you the one who starts a conversation to get the two of you back to connecting? Are you the one reading and researching new strategies to make your relationship closer? If so, you might be feeling a little tired and maybe even resentful too!
You want to have an amazing relationship where passion doesn’t fade away. You want the precious love you share with your partner to last.
Because of your intention and desire, you work hard to make sure your relationship stays healthy and close...and you don’t always get help from your partner. You may fear that if you don’t continue to fix the problems as they crop up, your love will weaken and maybe even die.
We’re going to suggest something that might sound a little odd.
This weird way of being with your partner and in your relationship may initially feel all wrong, but if you do it in a certain way, it’s going to bring crazy-good results. For anyone who works so hard to keep her or his relationship passionate and close, we recommend that you try an experiment: The Couch Potato Trick.
When you think of a couch potato, what comes to mind?
It’s someone who spends most of his or her time on the couch watching television, messing around on the computer and usually snacking on chips or cookies the whole while. Being a couch potato is undoubtedly bad for your health. We all know the risks of a sedentary and junk food-filled lifestyle, right?
There are aspects of being a couch potato that we do NOT suggest, but there’s one that we do.
The Couch Potato Trick is not about gorging on cheese curls and watching hours and hours of tv with your partner. Instead, it’s taking more of a “do nothing” approach. Please know, we aren’t talking about neglect, avoidance, ignoring or some sort of passive aggressiveness toward your partner or a relationship challenge.
Instead, we’re inviting you to do less and be more.
Stop trying to fix.
What would happen if rather than trying to change your partner’s (or even your own) bad habits, you eased off? What would it be like if you spent less of your time and energy running around trying to fix the things that you think are potentially hazardous to your relationship?
Maybe it goes like this for you...
You know that your partner had an argument with his boss at work. He came home, told you what happened and then said he didn’t want to talk about it. All evening, your love has been cold and withdrawn and, while you understand why, you desperately want to help. You want to do whatever you can to fix this. Your impulse is to push a conversation into the forbidden topic to get some details. You have ideas about what your partner could do to resolve this conflict at work and you’d like to see him try them.
It’s at this point-- BEFORE you’ve forced the topic or offered your advice-- that we advise you to use the Couch Potato Trick. Respect your partner’s request to not talk about what happened and give him some space. Take that time to soothe your own worries and fears which might mean that you take warm bath, go for a walk or sit and meditate.
This isn’t literally doing nothing, but it IS a far different approach than what you’d normally do, which is to interfere.
“Doing nothing” can be stepping back from an emotionally charged or tense situation with your partner and observing it to get a new perspective. Doing nothing can involve you choosing to breathe and get calm and clear so that when you do decide to act, it’s going to help love last.
Accept and appreciate.
As you stop trying to fix and you catch your breath from all of the work you usually do, your view shifts of your partner, your relationship and even situations that worried you in the past. You can more easily accept what’s going on and maybe even appreciate some aspects of it.
When you accept that your partner is consistently late or doesn’t open up to you emotionally, you aren’t saying that you agree with these behaviors. You’re just giving up the fight to try to make your partner be anyone other than who he or she is right now. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t be honest about how you feel if you are disappointed, sad or angry and it doesn’t mean that you can’t set healthy boundaries.
With acceptance, you’re freer to look beyond whatever the habit is that you used to try to so hard to change in your partner. You can see that there’s a bigger picture and that your love is more than just someone who is shut down or who can’t seem to make it to dinner on time.
Please know, there are some things that we do NOT recommend a “do nothing” approach to. If you have proof that your partner is lying to you or cheating, this is not the time to use the Couch Potato Trick. If you and your partner are hurting one another-- physically, emotionally, verbally or in some other way-- this is not the time to do nothing.
But, if there is no cheating or abuse going on and you regularly feel the urge to make your partner change in some way, consider a new response. Try doing nothing and see what happens within you and in your relationship too.
Find out how to keep Passionate Spark~Lasting Love alive in your relationship. Free advice for amazing love are here: www.relationshipgold.com