How To Jump Start Your Relationship When It Starts Feeling Stale

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Get your spark back.

Relationships can feel stale sometimes. But if you're in a dull or boring relationship, this doesn’t necessarily mean it's no longer good for you. It just means that you and your partner have lost a bit of your romantic energy and chemistry, and it needs to be revived.

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If you would like to learn how to fix your relationship and increase the excitement, here are few steps that will jumpstart you on the path to continued joy and fulfillment:

1. Create a gratitude list.

When I was first married, I had a tendency to be very aware of my all of husband’s flaws. I could list them without effort. I would dwell on them, belabor them on the phone with my friends, and of course, they would get larger and larger in my reality. At that time, I didn’t realize that Law of Attraction always gets you more of what you focus on.

Unfortunately, I only learned about this energetic principle when it was already too late. My husband and I could not save our marriage. However, now, in my current marriage, I’m very aware of where my thoughts are focused.

I have learned, that when I get disgruntled with my husband, to shift my perspective. While I may express some frustration, if it’s an important issue we need to discuss, I also evaluate first, to decide whether this issue is worth an argument. If it’s a small thing, I decide to make a mental gratitude list and let the issue go.

My husband has a lot of wonderful qualities. So while I may clean the dish he left in the sink, I remember that he performs many tasks around the house and yard. He is in a good mood most of the time, is supportive of my work, always helps me think through new projects, has a great sense of humor and is a great step-dad to my daughter. As soon as I remember all of those things, I feel more deeply connected to him again.

2. Make a vision board together.

Having goals together is essential in a relationship. The goals you had when you first got together may not be the same anymore. I host couples vision board workshops at the beginning of the year, as it’s a great time to set new goals. However, if you are feeling that your relationship is stale in the middle of the year, there is no reason why you can’t do this activity right now.

For a couple creating vision boards, I suggest you each take notes on what it is you want to create in each area of your life. Then have a conversation about what it is you each want to create individually, and then circle all the areas you want to create together. Then create three panels for your vision board; one that represents your goals together, one for your partner and one for you.

The reason why you want to focus on both your individual and common goals is that it will bring you awareness of what each of you is yearning to create. It also helps you to support each other in the journey of manifesting them.

When you focus your attention on goals together, you are able to bring them to fruition faster. My husband and I made a board in January and hung our common panel in the kitchen.

We have already manifested a beautiful family trip to Mexico and the front yard we’ve wanted to redo for years came together incredibly easily and for very little money. 2/3 of our board has already manifested, and it’s only April! And boy, did experiencing this together fill our relationship with joy and excitement!

One of my clients commented after one of the workshops, that she loved “the sacred space such an activity created for the relationship” because unless we set the time aside for creating such a vision together, it’s easy to let our dreams drain out of our relationship.

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3. Learn something new together.

Last summer, my husband and I drove through coastal Oregon. Along the way, we kept happening upon small wineries. We often pulled in and were surprised to taste some of the most remarkable wines we had ever tasted. Neither of us knew much about wine. We certainly had appreciated its taste but had never spent much time learning about it.

During that same trip, I ended up finding a wine guide in a used bookstore that walked us step-by-step through the process of learning about wine. The book only cost a few dollars but it provided us with endless hours of fun. We would buy several bottles of wine per meal and sip by sip, learned to distinguish between them. What we found was that it was not necessarily the price that makes a good wine, but that if you get to know certain regions you like, you may find great bargains.

This book not only sparked wine tastings at home, but we also took a trip to Arizona’s wine country over New Years. We even found a wine show on TV. Wine has given us a new topic to explore that allows us to leave our daily lives behind and be in the moment together.

Each year, we set the goal to learn one new thing together that interests us both. Generally, we attend a workshop together or teach ourselves something new. This doesn’t have to be expensive. You can look up adult education classes or find a used book like we did. If you have young children and little money, keep your learning close to home. Maybe you learn how to plant a garden or teach yourself how to play chess. Just choose something that excites you both. Making this goal a priority has always infused our relationship with new energy, and not to mention, fun.

4. Think outside the box when it comes to dates.

For many couples, a date night consists of dinner and a movie. It doesn't hurt to shake things up a bit. In my book, Becoming Your Own Knight In Shining Armor, I write about the importance of scheduling weekly time with my husband. Yet, what the dates look like can fluctuate: “We may choose to go out or to stay home, but we reserve that time for just us.

When we’ve had a particularly busy week, it helps us to reconnect. We both interact a lot with the outside world, so to us, a date night at home often has more appeal. We’ve also found that we prefer to go out for breakfast on a Saturday morning, followed by a visit to the farmer’s market together, rather than a loud, long night at a bar. So what you consider quality time or a date can come in all forms.”

We have also started to take turns in who is responsible for organizing our dates. We’ve decided that once a month we do something new and that the one organizing the date is to keep it a secret. That way, it adds a bit of excitement. Groupon or Living Social are great resources for this. We have gone to painting classes, concerts and have explored completely new ethnic cuisine through this.

Relationships don’t become stale by themselves. When you proactively schedule time for you and your partner at regular intervals to do something that fills you both with joy, you help your relationship to feel vibrant and exciting on a regular basis as well.

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Selina Schuh is a spiritual educator, author, speaker, and owner of Empowered Living Strategies. She teaches women who are feeling frustrated and under-appreciated in their relationships step-by-step skills to create deeply connected relationships. Get started on your journey today by checking out her library of free resources, including FREE downloads on how to Create A Vision Board and a Relationship Gratitude Worksheet.

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