How To Get Your Relationship To 'True Love' Status By Valentine's Day & Afterwards (In 5 Doable Steps)

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true love

Renew your love.

Most everyone wants to spend Valentine's Day with their one true love (and let's be honest... every day after, too). 

But the truth is: You don't just find true love — you help create it.

So how do you ignite true loves by V-day to strengthen and then sustain your relationship in the process?

This 5-step plan will help your relationship get to "true love" status just in time for Valentine's Day:

1. Start by defining together what "true love" means.

To avoid traps of fuzzy expectations, start by separately defining what true love means — and feels like — to each of you. Write down a few short phrases with key words. Be as specific as possible, including some examples of behaviors that express true love in your eyes.

Then, share your own definitions with one another in a conversation. Which aspects overlap? What are the same? Where are the conflicts that will benefit from discussion?

You may find that what connected you initially might not be what keeps you together for years to come. So periodically re-visit refresh habits and priorities, clarifying together what you seek in your current relationship.

As you make progress and see connections with opportunities for improvement, continue moving forward with what you agree to modify or improve.

RELATED: Falling In Love Is Easy — STAYING In Love Is A Choice

As your discussion unfolds, you may have already noticed that your original reasons to connect have changed. In fact, thank goodness, there are variations over time! You may also have learned more about yourself and your partner as openness and communication have improved. 

Keep the play and humor flowing, kindly and with sensitivity, based on what you’ve learned about one another.

Here are some themes to choose among for your conversations:

  • What do I miss and want?
  • What do I need to let go?
  • What can be revitalized?
  • What needs individual attention?
  • What specific skills can we develop together in useful, enjoyable ways?
  • How do we want to celebrate our progress?

2. Next, carve out time for your relationship regularly.

Unless you both carve out small amounts of time for your relationship on a regular basis, daily routines will easily take precedence and eat away at your investment in true love.

There are other dangers to avoid, too. Settling in with a good partner does not always erase the poignancy of wondering about alternatives, the yearning for excitement of the new. Avoid these distractions by committing time to your relationship consistently.

3. Keep working on self-growth, outside of your relationship.

As Sufi and poet Rumi said, “Love is a mirror, it reflects only your essence.” If you embrace this wisdom or find better suited ideas, use your updated vision of true love to see what’s missing and what you want to develop within yourself.

Then you can use you own good timing and insight for growth, rather than expecting a void to be filled by your partner.

4. Appreciate your love regularly.

Next, be appreciative of your love. Consider what you cherish in the other person and give positive, specific feedback.

This does not mean you imagine, exaggerate or lie about qualities or accomplishments. Just be kind, and supportive in timely ways.

5. Share the little things and make daily activities special.

In addition to sparking the everyday with some imaginative, good drama and surprises, create continuing ways to inject as much fun as possible in the routine. Avoid making living with your partner something to administer in favor of spontaneous, modest adventures.

The freshness and adventures emerge from the good will and healthy vulnerability that true love breeds.

RELATED: Sorry, But Chemistry Just Isn't Enough (If You Want Love To Last)

Ruth Schimel PhD. is a career and life management consultant and author of the six-book Choose Courage series on Amazon. She contributes to clients’ personal and professional success in practical, inspiring ways, as she consults in person with individual and organizational clients in the Washington, D.C. area. Connect and also work with her by phone and email throughout the US and abroad at ruth@ruthschimel.comwww.ruthschimel.com, or 202.659.1772.

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