How To Talk About Money In A New Relationship (To Spare You Both A Lot Of Pain)

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relationships and money, talking about finances

It's not rude to ask about finances ... it's smart!

By Deborah Peterson 

Love and money?

Love or money?

Love for money?

How do you feel about money? That is a truly important question. Not because I’m trying to determine if you’re shallow, that’s often the conclusion most people jump to when money is brought up. But for most men and women, when it comes to relationship requirements, needs and wants, money is actually very important. 

When asked, most people will state that their desired partner's financial status should be “financially stable.”

RELATED: 7 Can't-Ignore Signs A Man Only Loves You For Your Money

This is a reasonable request and yet for many, this makes us feel guilty, sallow and well, icky.

The truth is, you should be able to talk about money. It’s healthy, mature and grounded to be able to be clear about what your financial status is and what you desire in a partner. That is step one in being ready to be a radical dater.

If you able to be honest about where you are, financially, it’s likely you are able to deal with it in a way that creates the opportunity for growth. Awareness is key in so much of what it takes to be ready for true, lasting love and money is a key part of that conversation.

Ask yourself: What is my money personality?

  • Big Spender
  • Saver
  • Shopper
  • Debtor
  • Investor
  • Planner
  • Avoider

And what do you require in a partner?

Now that you are clear about who you are and what you want, how do you create that?

It’s all about your willingness and ability to communicate, listen, ask questions and be willing to step outside of your fear that these questions or concerns label you as anything other than someone who is conscious and intent.

You don’t have to grill someone, and you don’t need to ask for their credit score (at least not right away). If you’re getting serious with someone, planning to move in together, or even get married, then guess what? Having a clear understanding of their financial situation is key to creating a happy, successful relationship.

On a first or second date ask questions, such as, do you like to travel, what do you love to do in your spare time, what’s your favorite hobby, you can learn a lot about a person, and not just what they love to do, but you can determine their money personality. If you’re bold enough, ask them!

If, in fact. you’re not just out to find a rich man or woman, but your intention is clarity, then asking bold questions, honest questions, in hopes of helping you decide, “Is this the person for me?” is an important step in your own evolution.

Our fear of talking about money is buried in guilt and shame of our own inadequacies about money and our fear that we won’t have enough. So ask yourself the important questions. What work do you need to do to be ready to answer these same questions?

And remember, where you are now, doesn’t mean you’re going to be there forever. If you are willing to look at your financial situation, honestly, and work on it, you’re going to help yourself and be ready for a partner who does the same.

RELATED: The Weird Way You Are With Money, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Written in partnership with Radical Dating. Watch the rest of the Radical Dating series here.

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Deborah Peterson is with Money Counts, Inc. which is an independent firm with securities offered through Summit Brokerage Services, Inc., Member FINRA, SIPC. Advisory services offered through Summit Financial Group Inc., a Registered Investment Advisor.