How To Keep The Flame Burning In Your Marriage

Love, Sex

Staying connected will help keep any relationship afloat.

When was the last time your partner french kissed you for no reason at all? Remember that famous line from Bull Durham? The last sentence goes something like this: "I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

Most couples are so busy with life that they are not living. I was originally married in 1980 and it lasted for 16 years. Unfortunately, I have to say we were both at fault. Later on I remarried and have been with my partner for 14 very happy years. My sister, however, has been in her relationship for 25 years. She and her partner have been together longer than either of my marriages. I learned a lot from the nature of their relationship, and although they are a lesbian couple, the core of their relationship is the same as any other couple.

I realized after my divorce that I wanted a relationship that maintained a sense of intimacy and closeness throughout the years, just like my sister's. After all, my parents have been married for 53 years. So what is it that keeps these couples enjoying warm kisses through the decades? In my current marriage our approach has been different. We have 6 children between us, and although the children were always our priority, we put our relationship first. We take frequent "breaks" to reconnect.

However, in these times of economic challenges it did get a little difficult. We like to travel, so we have flown to New York for a weekend alone, or sometimes taken a day for wine tasting in the Temecula Valley. Other times it has been a weekend in Las Vegas, and when money is low it's a day picnic at the beach. Whatever our circumstances are, we know we have to find time to be alone. Couples need to stop for a few hours and remember all the little things that attracted you to each other. If possible, take a few days, but it is all about reconnecting. Just some time alone sipping hot chocolate in the backyard and staring at the stars can bring you closer.

Last year we took a 5 day cruise. I won't kid you, since we both work full-time it is hard to let go of the laptop, the cell phone, and the kids, and be "just us." It took about 24 hours for it to all "sink in" and feel amazing! The second day I felt like a young girl let free after captivity, ready to roam the world. It's almost like when you go back to the gym after 10 years and you can hardly move, but then some things start coming naturally, and the gorgeous personal trainer comes by and compliments your "muscle memory." Well, this was similar. I started looking at the beautiful blue in my husband's eyes. We held hands as we walked around the ship checking out shops. We went to an art auction, one of our favorite pastimes we hadn't done in ages, and we let loose and "boogied" at a nightclub on-board. In any case we had to do it, and it is these short periods alone together that help us recapture the desire for that intense, long, wet kiss that lasted (in our case) for 5 days!