The Real Reasons We Crave Sad Songs During A Breakup

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The Real Reasons We Crave Sad Songs During a Breakup
Love, Self

Share the pain. Let yourself cry. Get sympathy.

"Don't take your love away from me...Don't you leave my heart in misery...If you go then I'll be blue...Cause breaking up is hard to do.”

Those are the words of singer Neil Sekada in his hit song "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do". Listen to it below.

Why do we love to listen to sad breakup songs that make us sob? Why do we crave them so much when they hurt?

Here are 3 reasons:

1. Misery loves company.

When you listen to a song where the singer bares their soul, it is comforting to know you are not the only one who is hurting

You hear their pain and as they are crying out, it gives you permission to cry out. You don’t feel alone. You are crying for them and for yourself, too.

You may resonate more with hearing a woman singing — she is sharing the same kind of pain you are feeling. Sometimes you may want to hear a man saying how empty he feels now that she has left him. 

It can be comforting to know he’s hurting and maybe your ex is hurting, too.

RELATED: 29 Breakup Songs Guaranteed To Make You Ugly Cry

2. They help you feel your feelings.

When I talk about "feeling your feelings", what I don’t mean is acting out your feelings by taking action to reduce your pain such as keying his car, sending him multiple texts a day begging him to call you, posting about what a jerk he is on social media, numbing yourself with alcohol or drugs, or stalking him.

Feeling your feelings is about feeling sad when you are sad or feeling angry when you are angry. It’s about sitting with your feelings — not trying to fix it, change it, ignore it, get rid of it, or pretend that you are "fine". 

When you are angry, it’s about feeling your anger, how it moves through your body, the tension in your hands or in your jaw, or a hot sensation that rises in your chest. 

How do you avoid feeling your feelings? 

It’s okay to avoid your grief at the beginning — sometimes, you must so you don’t sit at your desk at work and cry all day. 

RELATED: The 5 Not-So-Pretty (But Totally Normal) Stages Of Breakup Grief

But if you crank up the music and stay with the sadness, the sadness can run through you. If you ignore it or stuff it down, it’s still there and when it turns into an emotion like anger or rage, then you can harden your heart from the pain. In addition, your unexpressed feelings you hold in your body can make you physically sick.  

According to WebMD, in addition to crying, physical expressions of grief often include "headaches, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, weakness, fatigue, feelings of heaviness, aches, pains, and other stress-related ailments."

When you do listen to a song that makes you cry, it helps you to stay with the tears until they finally dry up. 

Somehow, you know that if you listen to that sad song, it will unleash the pain and you can cry your way to some sort of release and relief, at least for a while. And over time, the tears do dry up.

3. You're playing the victim card and get sympathy that their ex is an awful person.

By your suffering, you are showing the world what a mean person he is for breaking your heart and you justify why you are a victim.

The benefit is that, at least for a while, you can get a lot of attention from friends and others who side with you. The bad news is you are being a victim and that can become a habit — an automatic habitual way of being that tells everyone you’re a poor soul. 

Men want a happy and confident woman so if you are being a victim, it is not attractive. A victim mentality will repel a healthy man you would love to be with. In the end, your victim mentality undermines what you really want — a healthy, happy, loving man who will love the amazing and unique woman you are

Your first reaction to heartbreak can be making him wrong or make yourself wrong. Be kind to yourself when you are grieving. Think about what you would say to your best friend then say that to yourself. Surround yourself with friends who will love you through your pain.

As you move through the grief, there’s a point when it is time to reflect on what happened so you can discover the lessons you need to learn to have the love you deserve.

Grab your hairbrush and start wailing to your favorite sad songs. This is the beginning of your journey to lasting love.

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Marilyn Sutherland is a Relationship Empowerment Coach. She is the creator of Your Journey to Lasting Love, an online course that will guide you through the process from pain to love. Contact her now to discover how to be stronger and smarter to have the healthy, happy relationship your heart desires.