10 Signs You Have A Fear Of Being Single

Love, Self

Is ANYONE really better than NO ONE?

Romantic relationships are often seen as the most important relationships we are supposed to have.  In fact, they are so important that we are often defined by them.  There are lots of good, plausible reasons for this, of course.  From survival theories to basic happiness, having a loving partner adds to every aspect of our lives.  So it’s no surprise, really, that society tends to pressure us (women, especially) into having romantic relationships.

And this pressure often results in a 4-word nightmare known as… (cue the scary music)

 

The Fear of Being Single

According to an article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, here are some of the most frequent reasons women shared about their fear of being single (some of these may sting a little!):

  • not having the long-term companionship of a close partner (“...no one there that I can share intimacy with like cuddling, hugs and kisses”)
  • growing old without anyone
  • never having children and a family
  • feeling worthless (“being alone means being a failure, unlovable, and never being loved”)
  • friends and family won't be enough to eliminate my anxiety about being single
  • negative judgment for being single “too long”
  • not having sexual intimacy as I get older

It's only human to want intimacy with someone. And while it's perfectly understandable to have a fear of being single, the fear of being single often means that a woman will “settle for less.”   For example: 

  • That guy at work who’s kind of cute but a real jerk?  He may look better and better to you simply because you don’t want to be single. 
  • That ex who didn’t know how to communicate?  You may decide to rethink that and get back together because anyone is better than no one

 

Do you have a fear of being single?

You might be able to answer that right away. You might not. Either way, take a look at these statements (taken from the article cited above) to see just how strong this fear is in you.

  1. It scares me to think that there might not be anyone out there for me.
  2. I feel it is close to being too late for me to find the love of my life.
  3. I feel anxious when I think about being single forever.
  4. I need to find a partner before I'm too old to have and raise children.
  5. If I end up alone in life, I will probably feel like there is something wrong with me.
  6. As I get older, it will get harder and harder for me to find someone.
  7. I feel like I'm supposed to be in a serious romantic relationship by now.
  8. I sometimes feel as though everyone is in a relationship except for me.
  9. People who never date or marry are kind of sad.
  10. If I never marry, I'll have a lonely life.

The more you said “yes,” the greater your fear.  And knowing your fear level is important because understanding your fears allows you to more effectively manage them and keep them in check. 

So what can you do?  If you're planning to enter a relationship with someone, ask yourself this:

“Am I doing this because this individual truly makes me happy and will help me want to be the best person I can be? Or am I interested in this relationship primarily because I do not want to wear the 'single' label?”

If you enter relationships because you are really into someone and want to get to know them better, you’re probably in good shape.  If you enter relationships out of your Fear of Being Single, you may want to step back and re-evaluate what you really want and why.  

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Kelly P. Crossing is an experienced counselor and relationship expert who specializes in helping women build the lives and relationships they want. For a glimpse into your needs, take the free NeedsExplorer survey now. To learn more about Kelly and how she can help you, visit her website, here. 

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