How To Stay Lovers When You Become Parents

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How to Stay Lovers as Parents
Love, Family

Keeping your marriage alive is important for a strong foundation to any successful family.

Raising kids as a couple takes a lot of time, dedication, and commitment. So does a marriage.

A study shows that 92 percent of married couples had an increase in conflict after the birth of their first child. The study also shows that the conflict only got worse as the child got older with 13 percent already separated or divorced before their children even got older.  

Keeping your marriage alive is important for a strong foundation to any successful family. Children thrive on parents who stay together and work at their marriage and are happiest compared to children going through a separation or a divorce.

The following are 9 of some of the best tips on how to stay lovers when you're parents and keeping your marriage in tip top shape while still raising your children:

1. Make time for each other without the kids. 

As a married couple, the best thing that you can do to continue to grow as lovers and not just as parents raising kids together is to make time for each other without your kids.

Find out about each other all over again and keep that magic alive. Sure, family and parenting are important but so is staying and growing as lovers. The important thing here is to be consistent with taking time to talk and see what is going on for the other person in life. 

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2. Have conversations that do not reflect family life or work. 

When you make time for each other without your kids, it is important to stay mindful of connecting one-on-one with each other and not falling into the trap of bringing up any topics related to your kids, home life or work. This is a heart-to-heart connection opportunity.

Some good questions to ask each other can be:

  • What movies are you interested in watching?
  • What are your favorite memories from your childhood?
  • What would be your most enjoyable date together, just the two of us?
  • What makes you feel more appreciated and loved?
  • What are your long-term goals? Short-term goals?

3. Compliment each other daily.

Giving each other compliments daily is a great opportunity to let your spouse know that you not only notice them but acknowledge all that they do for the family that you share together.

A compliment goes a long way and requires no effort at all. 

4. Read together.

Reading together can be a very intimate experience to grow as lovers and feel more bonded. After the kids have gone to bed, cuddle up together in your own bed and take turns reading. Head to the library or your local book store and pick a book together that peaks both your interest.

If you want to try something exciting, try choosing an erotic book and take turns reading it in bed together. The possibilities are endless.

5. Have a consistent date night.


Date nights are very important in staying active lovers together. Make sure that you schedule your date nights well in advance each month and stay committed to them.

It can be very beneficial to have weekly date nights without the kids to stay focused on each other. You don’t even need money to schedule a night out together. Stay home and send the kids off to a babysitter. Make each other a priority.

Here are some creative and fun date night ideas:

  • Play together. Studies show that couples who play together are happier together. Find a large field and bring out your inner child and play tag! Or play hide and seek in a forest.
  • Go on a mini road trip to the local town and act like tourists.
  • Have a spa night together. Give each other facials, manicures/pedicures, sensual massages and really enjoy each other’s company. Don’t forget the candles and relaxing music.

6. Choose a hobby to do together. 

The best way to grow as a couple is to learn something together. Find a hobby that you both can enjoy and stay committed to it.

Here are some examples to choose from:

  • Take cooking classes.
  • Go rock climbing.
  • Learn a new language.
  • Go ballroom dancing or any other couples dancing.
  • Write a children’s book together.
  • Learn a musical instrument together.
  • Paint a large canvas together after taking a few painting classes.

7. Become each other's pen pals. 

Start writing love letters to each other. Letter writing is becoming a thing of the past, a lost art with the current age of technology.

Why not bring it alive by starting a letter writing tradition and even using snail mail to send letters to each other?

RELATED: 50 Absolutely PERFECT "I Love You" Quotes That NAIL True Love

8. Have a neutral third party. 

Fights do happen and they can help a couple grow together if worked out sooner than later. Sometimes, things will come up that the both of you can’t resolve. Instead of having it fester and grow, a good solution is to have a third party help you and your spouse resolve things efficiently.

Find a couples counselor who you feel is ideal for your budget and situation. If you are having financial challenges together, a good option can even be a financial advisor who can help you both sort out your finances so you’re both on the same page.

It is always a good idea to find a neutral third party to help you overcome challenges to move forward as a stress-free couple.

9. Forgive, let go, and move forward as a team. 

Learn to forgive each other, let go of past hurts, and move forward not only as a family but as a team. A team sticks together through the ups and downs of life. 

When you work together with your spouse by creating ways to build a stronger bond, keeping focused on staying actively in love, and prioritizing time for each other, you will not only have a happy and strong marriage, but your children will experience a healthier upbringing with role models that will teach them how to have successful and nourishing relationships.

Donna Begg is an expert editor, a mentor, analyst and a researcher.

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