How Each Of The 8 Moon Phases Affect Your Love Life

Tap into the wisdom of the Moon.

By Deborah Roth — Last updated on Nov 05, 2022

Photo: Getty

The energies associated with each of the 8 Moon phases affect each of us in various ways.

Lunar energy can have a significant impact on your love life and your mood, influencing your behaviors and your relationships. By understanding the energy specific to each phase of the Moon, you'll have a greater knowledge of how to harness them so you can have the best love life possible.

If there’s one constant in the night sky, it’s the changing face of the Moon. Certainly, the most obvious is the brilliant orb of the Full Moon, but there are actually eight distinct phases of the Moon which each represent a different theme you can tap into.

Whether you’re an ardent Moon-lover who tracks the Moon phases on a calendar every single month or you just happen to notice the lunar phase occasionally, there’s no denying that the Moon has a powerful influence on our outer world in many ways.

Just look at the effect the Moon has on the tides. Is it any wonder that, with our bodies made up of more than 60 percent water (80 percent at birth), we humans are inexorably tied to Her rhythms as well?

But as many sensitive souls will tell you, Moon phases can deeply affect our inner world as well. Yes, I’m one of those sensitive souls, a Moon baby, born under the sign of Cancer, which in astrology is ruled by the Moon. But I promise, it’s not just us Cancers who feel Her gentle (and sometimes not so gentle!) pull.

The powerful impact of the Moon has been highlighted since ancient times. Both Greek philosopher Aristotle and Roman historian Pliny the Elder proposed that the brain was the “moistest” organ and therefore humans were particularly susceptible to the changes in the Moon.

And in modern times, astrologer Dane Rudhyar was the first to outline the psychological meaning of the phases of the Moon in his classic book, The Lunation Cycle.

So, how can you take all this lunar wisdom and use it to enhance your love life?

Effects of each moon phase on relationships

1. New Moon: Growth and new beginnings

The New Moon is also known as the dark of the Moon. This is when the Sun and Moon dance their closest in the sky, with the Earth wiggling in between them, and the Moon seems to disappear into the Earth’s shadow.

This phase corresponds to growth and new beginnings. It’s a time for reflection and alone time to rebuild your energy and not to be influenced by others.

If you’re single, that might mean chilling out by yourself on a Saturday night and thinking about what your non-negotiable traits are for your ideal life partner.

Likewise, if you’re in a relationship already, both of you can take some time for solitary reflection about what you each need more or less of from each other. Jot some ideas down so that when you come together in the next phase, you can start sharing.

2. Waxing Crescent Moon: Planting seeds

This occurs about three and a half days after the New Moon through the seventh day. The Moon looks like a fingernail at this point, facing to the left in the sky.

Gardeners know this is a good time to plant seeds and you can do that figuratively, too!

Start to get more concrete about setting intentions based on your Moon ruminating. Whether on your own or with your partner, create a vision board or make a wish list of those qualities or ideas you want to bring into your love life.

3. First-Quarter Moon: Development and expression of new ideas

This is about seven to ten days after the New Moon. The Moon continues to grow from a crescent toward her full glory.

This phase corresponds to the development and growth of life, as well as the expression and expansion of new ideas and direction; a "crisis of action," according to astrologer Dane Rudyard.

Action is the keyword here. If you’re single, that means putting some wheels on your relationship quest — get yourself signed up for online dating or start reading some of the great books that are out there: "Calling in the One" by Katherine Woodward Thomas or "Are You the One for Me" by Barbara DeAngelis are good to start with.

And for you married or partnered folks, now is the time to dive into the meaty relationship issues, ideas, or requests you shared with each other in the crescent Moon phase. There may be some dicey conversations to be had — the first quarter Moon is when you can encounter your first challenges to the intentions you’ve set.

Definitely read John Gottman’s modern classic, "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," if you haven’t already.

4. Waxing Gibbous Moon: Flexibility and change

This phase is ten to thirteen days after the New Moon.

At this point, the Moon looks like a pregnant belly, which is a great metaphor for the energy of this phase! The last months of pregnancy require flexibility and patience, just like you’ll need to practice as you get deeper into the relationship intentions you’ve set for yourself.

You’ll find there are changes you’ll need to make as you face reality. How will you adjust and refine your expectations both for yourself and/or for your partner?

That can mean literally tweaking your online dating profile after you’ve attracted a few duds, or maybe seeking out a couples’ coach if the two of you have reached a particularly sticky place in your relationship.

5. Full Moon: Vibrance and Creativity

This encompasses the three days before and after the Full Moon. This is the Moon phase that’s most easily identifiable and, coincidentally, the one that’s most commonly associated with love and romance. So go for it!

If the Gibbous Moon represented the last stages of pregnancy, the Full Moon is about giving birth to plans made and projects started since the New Moon. It’s a time when we can feel most vibrant and creative and want to celebrate all we’ve accomplished so far.

In the relationship arena, that means a night out on the town! Go to a fun singles event and be prepared to use some of those dating skills and techniques you’ve been studying. New opportunities can show up as a result of your hard work.

Likewise, for couples — plan a night out just to enjoy each other, doing things you love most. Dinner and a movie? A moonlit cruise? Club hopping with lots of dancing and great music? Take a look at what zodiac sign the Full Moon falls in and use that as a guide, too.

6. Waning Gibbous Moon: Sharing adventures

Also known as the Disseminating Moon, this phase happens three to seven days after the Full Moon. This is the time to share your adventures and what you’ve learned with others.

This Moon phase is associated with the teacher archetype. Continue to celebrate the fruits of your labors, but now expand it into your circle of friends and family. This phase of the Moon prompts you to feel grateful and to show your gratitude in loving, generous ways.

For singles, you might take a special friend out to dinner or find a little gift to show your appreciation for their support and presence in your life.

If you’re in a relationship, how about inviting a few of your favorite couples to dinner? If you’re comfortable, let them know what you and your partner have discovered (or re-discovered) about yourselves. Maybe even invite your guests to go around and share what they most love and appreciate about their own partners.

7. Third Quarter Moon: Finishing up old business

The third quarter waning Moon occurs seven to ten days after the Full Moon. When the Moon is in this half-full phase, you'll feel a growing urge to turn your energies inward for reflection; Rudhyard calls it a "crisis of consciousness."

You begin to clean the slates and finish up old business, to regroup and prepare for the energy of the next lunation cycle.

In your relationship work, this is a powerful time to forgive yourself or others for past mistakes and to let go of self-limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. Are you still holding out for a toxic ex-boyfriend to come back? Do you feel like you’re not pretty/young/smart enough to attract or keep a terrific partner? Are you stuck in a pattern of criticism or judgment with your sweetheart and want to banish it once and for all?

8. Waning Crescent Moon: Reflection and introspection

Also known as the Balsamic Moon, this occurs ten to thirteen days after the Full Moon. Everything is now ending and the energy has been spent.

This is the time for reflection and introspection as you get ready to go deep into the crescent Moon phase.

Whether you’re single or in a long-term relationship, it’s important to withdraw from the world periodically and recharge your batteries. You might even consider a retreat to a nearby spiritual center or monastery. The idea is to relax and surrender into whatever inklings bubble up from your deep unconscious.

Your intuition is thought to be at its height during the darkest phases of the Moon. Do some divination with tarot or the i Ching for some guidance into what you want to focus on for the next lunar cycle.

You may not be able to religiously follow the energy of the eight phases of the Moon every month, but knowing what each one signifies can help you move through life more powerfully.

Feeling anti-social? Oh, it’s the Balsamic Moon… it’s OK to tell your partner you need to hibernate for a few days.

Want to launch a fabulous new project? Use the waxing Moon phases to plan it all, then put it out into the world on the next Full Moon.

Whether you’re a Moon-maven or not, it’s a good idea to get comfortable with her considerable powers and use them to your advantage in both life and love!

Life and relationship coach Deborah Roth, M.A., is also a counseling astrologer and interfaith minister. She leads women’s New Moon circles and Full Moon tele-meditations every month. You can visit her website or email her to schedule an introductory coaching session.

This article was originally published at Spirited Living. Reprinted with permission from the author.