He's Fresh Out Of A Relationship — Are You Just His Rebound?

Photo: Getty 
Are You In A Rebound Relationship?
Love

It can be fun, but you need to know what you're in for.

Rebounds are great in basketball. In a relationship? Not so much! Rebound that basketball, just don’t rebound a person!

So, how do you know if you’re in a rebound relationship or something more? How do you know if you’re a passing fling or the real thing? How do you know if you’re being used to squash loneliness or pass time or because he actually wants you?

If you find yourself wondering "Am I a rebound?", then you’ve already taken an important step — you’re being proactive in avoiding heartbreak, resentment, and the compromising of your needs and boundaries.

You are discovering things for yourself and looking at your own needs.


RELATED: The 7 Types Of Rebound Hookups (That Single Girls Know Way Too Well)


Yet, many women who are with men fresh out of relationships, especially when those relationships are long-term (years and years), find themselves wondering where they stand in his eyes.

They want to be patient with their man, but they aren’t sure what to do in the meantime. They don’t want to put pressure on him, yet they aren’t sure if they’re wasting their own heart. They want to move forward, yet they worry about too much too soon.

So, how do you reconcile patience and proactivity? How do you make sure that you’re both in this for the right reasons? The answer: you don’t. You can only control if you’re in it for the right reasons.

To do this, start by looking for signs that you’re in a rebound relationship. Does he give you his time or does he only call when he needs a date to a wedding or a company Christmas party? Does he give you his attention when he’s with you or does he play on his phone? Is he present with you or is he texting his ex? Are you giving much to him with little in return?

When it comes to rebound relationships, it’s important to understand that men who are telling you that they are coming out of a breakup are also telling you quite a bit more — they’re telling you that they are trying to overcome something. He’s being clear about where he is in terms of emotions and his limitations on giving.

In other words, he’s telling you everything you need to know. And it’s up to you to listen.

You can choose to walk away, of course, if you’re looking for something larger than he can provide. But if you want to stick around, it’s vital that you adjust your behavior to fall in line with his. He’s upfront and honest and you know what you’re getting into.


RELATED: 6 Reasons Rebound Relationships Are A Horrible Freaking Idea


You must ask yourself if having a good time and connecting is enough. You must ask yourself if what he can give you emotionally is okay — does it allow you to maintain your values and your integrity? Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t — that’s something only you can decide.

It comes down to your own value system and what you are comfortable with.

Another elemental note is one that involves self-protection. You cannot leave it to the man to protect you from yourself and your own feelings. That must be your responsibility — you must draw boundaries on how much you can give.

Odds are high that he’s confused and may not even know exactly what he wants. He might not even know who he is right now. People lose themselves in relationships — they go from a "me" to an "us". Adjusting and reverting back takes time.

So, take this into consideration — remember that you are dealing with a man who is in the middle of his own transformation. If he’s being honest about where he’s at, even if he’s saying that he simply doesn’t know what he wants, then it’s unfair to blame him for his rebounding tendencies.

He’s being open about his intentions. And it's up to you to decide to stick it out and see what happens or draw the line. It comes down, again, to your values and your own personal boundaries.

It’s an opportunity, really. It’s a chance for you to get in touch with yourself and learn what you want. What are your boundaries? What are your needs? What are your deal breakers? No one can determine this but you!

Taking the time and learning these things about yourself sets you up for success in future relationships, even if this particular relationship falls flat. 

Because you can never go wrong in learning what you want. It helps assure you go after it.


RELATED: The Real Reason Guys Rebound So Quickly After Divorce


Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship.

Author
Expert