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Married Men Explain How True Love Changes Over Time

Photo: Unsplash: Crystal Shaw
Married Men Reveal What They Really Think Of Their Wives
Love

Are the old wives' tales about old wives true?

If you're familiar with falling in love but have never been married, the question of what it's like to be in love as husband and wife within the context of marriage, as opposed to as boyfriend and girlfriend in even the most serious and committed of relationships, can seem like one of the universe's most baffling mysteries. Thankfully, men log into Reddit on daily basis to shed light on such deeply personal issues for us all to learn from.

I mean, sure, you probably understand marriage as an institution — it's that thing two people in love do in order to save money on their taxes and make life easier for each other in times of crisis.

But there's so much more that goes on beneath the surface of each and every marriage that it's impossible to understand even a tiny fraction of the complexities until you've been part of one yourself.

My biggest question about what happens between married men and women has always been this: how do you stay in love with just one person over such an extended length of time?

 

RELATED: What Men Literally Think When They’re Falling In Love With You

 

Does that actually happen, or is the whole construct a ruse that privately miserable married people concocted to make us single folks feel both inferior and vastly less successful as human beings? 

Because if that's the case, good job! It's working! 

The only way to really understand how a marriage works, what makes a marriage lasts, and whether or not the love you feel for each other ever goes away is to actually go out there and marry someone yourself.

Sure, you can talk to married couples, but by and large they are going to tell you the same basic set of things, or at least, that's been my experience.

They'll say stuff about how important it is to spend time together. They will talk about how you need to communicate. They will talk about how love changes.

It all feels kind of rote, none of it is very specific, and almost no one, no matter how close to them you might be, will ever open up to you about the tougher issues.

And you can't blame them, really. What would you do after all if your co-worker was like, "Hey June, you've been married for 20 years. Do you really still love your husband?"

You would probably back away slowly and possibly report this co-worker to HR for inappropriate behavior. 

While we don't always feel comfortable talking about the uglier, more challenging parts of relationships, there are places (particularly on the Internet) where people do open up about the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of marriage. The AskMen subreddit is one such place where men are willing to open up about issues they might not always want to discuss face to face.

One redditor recently asked, "Married men of Reddit, wives are often portrayed as the boring nag. Are you still madly in love with your wife and why?"

Several men weighed in on the subject, sharing their thoughts about the way love and women change over time. 

Here's what married men on Reddit had to say about how true love between a husband and wife changes during marriage. 

1. Sometimes, you just the jackpot. 

"Yes I am. She's my best friend and partner. I got lucky I guess."

 

2. Communication is the key.

"I'm 32, been with her for 16 years now with a 13 month old. I love her more then ever. Communication is key to a lasting relationship."

 

3. It doesn't get much better than this!

"We've been married for almost fourteen years by now. She's still an amazing person and I'm very much still in love with her."

 

4. It helps when you're "partners in crime."

"I'll be married 20 years next month. Madly in love for sure. We take on the world together."

 

5. It's not as wild, but it's much more deep.

"I mean, my wife and I have been together for decades at this point, so the honeymoon period has long since passed. So I wouldn't really say 'madly in love'. But I do love her very deeply. We've both through so much together."

 

RELATED: Happily Married Men Reveal 21 Secrets For A Happy Marriage

 

6. It's all about perspective.

"I am ABSOLUTELY still in love with being divorced from her. Mine was constantly talking over me and humiliating me in public. I’m free. Life is amazing."

 

7. She's in his corner.

"Yes, I still love my wife with all my heart. I don't love her the same way I did when we were in the honeymoon phase because our relationship now is different, but I still love her just as much. I love her because she's my best friend. I like spending time with her. She's fun to be around. She makes me laugh. She knows my moods, what I need, and is there to love and support me 100% of the time."

 

8. Couples that can hang together, stay together.

"Yep. My wife is my best friend. We spend most of our free time together, love to just hang out, frequently go out on dates, see eye to eye on most issues, and enjoy most of the same leisure time activities. We are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary on Sunday — have been together for about 21 years, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world."

 

9. It's just the best.

"Yes, she is my best friend and I am still madly in love with her. It’s wonderful having someone who is your constant companion and looks out for your best interests."

 

10. For better or for worse is for real.

"After 32 years of marriage we both love each other more than when we met. She's super cool but needed to lighten up a little and I was a good time Charlie that needed to settle down a little, a perfect match. We both [work from home] on a project we love and it's very rare we are apart. We've been through a lot and could have called it quits many times and people would have understood, but we really believe in the 'for better or worse' thing."

 

RELATED: Why So Many Men Struggle With The Idea Of Being In Long-Term Relationships

 

11. No nags around here.

"Yes, I am still madly in love with my wife. It helps that she does not nag, pester, or demand things. If anything, she complements my faults. I tend to be a homebody and she looks for inexpensive activities for us to do to get out of the house. My wife knows I can forget things so she'll ask again if it's something she really wants done, but she'll also let me know explicitly that it's a priority to her. At that point, we'll discuss when it needs to be done by and go over the different tasks/activities that are on our list and prioritize them."

 

12. Well, maybe a tiny bit of nagging, but it's all good.

"My wife 'nags' perhaps less than the average wife, it's mostly about simple household chores or the usual toilet seat ... Aside from that, I married the most understanding, adaptable and kind hearted person on planet earth ... Also extremely low maintenance, very smart and well spoken, LOVES kids, made me closer to my entire family by almost literally forcing me to spend time and reconcile with some of them ... The cherry on top is that she is sexy."

 

13. Love doesn't last for everyone, though.

"No. For small reasons like this. As an example, the last time we went out a female friend gave me a hello hug. She immediately pulled me aside and sternly told me I was being a big flirt."

 

14. Of course, no one is perfect.

"I love mine, but she nags. I don't understand it either. I've called her out on it, and she just looks at me confused, like she has no idea what I'm talking about. I've tried breaking it down like, 'In the last 5 minutes, you've asked me to do 12 things. Now think, when was the last time I asked you to do anything?' Doesn't make a difference."

 

15. After all, there are worse fates than being married to a nag ... 

"Technically I'm still married, but we're estranged in that I fled the state to literally escape her. I would've loved to have a boring nag. Instead I got a volatile, manipulative, abusive partner with a definite undiagnosed personality disorder who was a physical danger to my being alive."

 

RELATED: 26 Undeniable Signs You've Found True Love

 

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the love and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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