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They need to check their attitudes.
By Ruby Miranda — Written on Apr 03, 2018
If one is going to be "salty" then one must have the nerve to be salty. One must be raw, uninhibited and basically ready to read you the riot act in four letter words and nothing more.
In other words, you're looking at your typical, everyday New Yorker here, ladies and gentlemen. Because salt is what those folks over there have in their blood. And when you're one of the salty zodiac signs, you know what that means. Heck, your horoscope couldn't be more obvious in pointing out what astrology knows about you.
Now, not everyone is born in NYC, and yet, somehow, the salty attitudes do extend on a world wide basis. But really, let's hone it down a bit and figure out what's at the bottom of having a "salty" nature, shall we? I have a feeling that if we examine this phenomenon, we'll find out that it's not New York that creates brings in the high salt content, but the Zodiac. Oh, Zodiac, you saucy minx, you.
We're going to blame our salty, salty ways on astrology, so stand aside because here comes a list of the salty zodiac signs. Not every sign is a saltmeister, but these six should give you some insight as to who's bringing the shaker.
1. VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
There's a sense of humor here that may not always feel funny, but when these salt sticks start their wise-cracking — whether you're the butt of their joke or you're actually laughing along — you will find that Virgo outdoes everyone when it comes to being nervy, mean, nasty as all hell and salty as f*ck.
The salt is strong with this one.
2. ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
But of course. It's hard being this smart and Aries just happens to be one of the most intelligent signs of the Zodiac. Ah, but where smart goes, salt follows, and Aries can do some serious verbal salting when they feel punchy.
This group has the talent to deliver some of the saltiest lines you'll hear — and never forget.
3. CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
They practically choke on their own salty speech, these Capricorn devils. Another of the highly intelligent signs, Capricorn may also be the most sarcastic and daring.
That combo spells salt-amundo, and if you thought you'd get away with whatever it is you were getting away with, NAH AH! Capricorn will serve you the salt you needed to never again walk out of the house with confidence.
4. GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Your salt has arrived and it's called Gemini; although, their ability to be abrasive, nervy and clever tends to disguise itself as hilarious comedy. You might even forgive them for how doggone awful they can be, until you realize that their salty tone is the way they deliver the raw and honest truth.
5. SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Less salty than one might imagine, but still salty enough to sting your eyes, these folks reserve their way with words for prime moments — or prime targets, depending on how you look at it.
Scorpio isn't one to reserve what's on their mind, though they are keen on perfect timing for a hit that rings on and on. In a way, this makes them "salt lite" and gives you a chance to leave the room before they see you.
6. AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
If only they could just let the salt out, they'd be a helluva lot saltier than they are now. But this is a massively repressed group, and they aren't always able to communicate what's on their minds.
They have a slight sense of not wanting to hurt anyone, which dissolves well under the influence of alcohol. Just add wine and you'll see them turn into salty, snappy, altogether hard to deal with mofos.
Ruby Miranda is a New Yorker who learned astrology, I Ching and all types of cartomancy and numerology from her crazy, gypsy mother. She currently writes for a wide range of esoteric publications.