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How Music Helped Me Learn To Love My Boyfriend Better And Overcome Depression

Photo: Eugenio Marongiu via Getty Images
Using Music To Overcome Depression Valentine's Day Falling In Love
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Love

It started with one love song.

Valentine's Day is a day of love and romance. When you find someone that means the most to you, you think about the thing that made you fall in love in the first place, and what can be the glue that makes someone your true love, and forever Valentine. 

Music has been there for my all my life. It's cured so many wounds, been the inspiration for so many ideas, and has helped me to learn a whole heck of a lot about myself. 

Jake and I have been dating for almost two years now. One of the reasons I started dating my boyfriend Jake, after we met, was that I found out he listened to the John Butler Trio. It was something powerful we had in common, and from there the bond of true love was created. 


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“Ocean” was a song that cured my depression and changed my entire perspective on life and music.

For those of you who don’t know John Butler, not only did “Ocean” save my life, but it also gave me my best friend.

The first few months of our relationship was all about music: talking about music, listening to music, showing each other new songs, playing guitar, and going to concerts. This is how we learned about each other.

This is how we discovered each other’s strengths, weaknesses, passions, ambitions, and fears. Music was our way of welcoming each other into the other’s life.

As our relationship progressed, our musical bond deepened. We had adapted to using music as a way to communicate and express our feelings. As someone who has grown up with music, I was learning how to use it in a new, refreshing way.


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Jake was a guitarist. Except he was unlike any guitarist I had ever seen. When he played, he played with passion. Notes were strung together like a story, almost as if he was creating this new voice for himself. Even a year later, that voice is still telling me new stories all the time.

Music became the foundation of Jake and I’s trust for one another. Discovering a new song together or having the experience of seeing one of our favorite bands live was how we created intimacy.

We both knew each experience was something we were going to remember for a lifetime, and having each other is what we knew would make the moment so memorable.

As much as I adored Jake, I knew he had his flaws. He was sometimes impatient, overly-confident, and stubborn as anything. But even when he was showcasing his flaws, I knew music had introduced us well. I knew he was gentle, like the song “Ocean.”


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I knew he was passionate, like the song “Purple Haze.” I knew music had shown me his heart, and that’s how I was and still am always able to overlook those small imperfections.

I’ve always been the type of person to think practically. I would think about what was realistic to me, and used that as a stepping stone to making decisions. I never used to imagine myself as a traveler, or someone who had spontaneous tendencies.

Jake was one of those people. He had so many hopes and dreams and traveling was in his heart of hearts. All of that stemmed from music, and today I can understand why.

Whenever I listened to “Ocean,” I would always visualize myself fearlessly placed on top of a mountain overlooking beautiful waters and the dreamy colors of the sunset.

“Ocean” inspired me to become the big dreamer I am today. Music has a way of creating this new energy that is so overwhelmingly inspiring that you can’t help but really feel the internal flames in your heart light up, pushing you to achieve everything you never thought you were capable of.


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Music has taught me how to love Jake without fear and without insecurity. By that I mean, everyone has their insecurities and their doubts and their fears. Some people soak in them, and others do everything they can to stay afloat.

“Ocean” became like this spiritual compass that I used to push myself out of my depressed state. Even though there was so much I felt like I had to be depressed about, I knew I didn’t want to drown.

When it comes to Jake, “Ocean” is what reminds me that our times together are anything but ordinary. Even on the slowest, simplest of days where I feel like everything is just average, I know I can look through all the songs Jake and I enjoy together and know that our future is full of adventure.

Some people would describe me as someone who lacks emotion. It used to be when I was sad, angry, scared, excited, you almost never were able to see it on my face.

Everything I felt was only expressed internally and dealt with in my head. I had put up this big wall to keep people from seeing physically how I felt. I knew deep down that I was someone who felt deeply, and I was scared to show that to anybody.


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Once I discovered “Ocean,” I began to realize that expressing emotion with your body wasn’t such a scary thing. When I watched John Butler perform “Ocean,” I noticed that he was using his entire body to attach meaning to the song.

Being able to experience that song with him just by watching his body movement helped me learn how to embrace my emotions. No one should be ashamed of their own feelings, and I realize now that it can be unhealthy to keep everything bottled up.

Knowing this is how I became better at communication, especially with him. I knew he wasn’t a mind reader, so it became important to me that he knew how I felt just by looking at me.

Showing emotion doesn’t make a person vulnerable or weak, it makes them brave. That right there is one of the most important life lessons I’ve learned yet.

If it weren’t for “Ocean,” I’m not sure I’d be the person I am today. Not only has music taught me how to love, but it’s taught me how to live life in the most fulfilling way possible. I’ll never be able to thank music enough for that.

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