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Learn what you're doing wrong.
By Alex Alexander — Written on Mar 08, 2022
Ladies, let’s be honest. There are a million articles on “sexual turn-offs” for women, but there aren’t many manuals out there telling us what turns men off.
Maybe it’s because men are more verbal about their sexual displeasure.
Maybe it’s because women have been told for ages to not ask for what they want as only “bad girls” do that.
Still, it’s nice to know what bothers the other side as well when it comes to bedroom behaviors.
We asked men to be vulnerable and share their sexual turn-offs, so listen up, ladies! Listen now.
16 Sexual Turn-Offs That Men Want You To Stop Doing
1. You lay there like a starfish.
A female friend of mine jokingly coined women who lie there in bed as “starfish.” Well, the men all agree — women who don’t move in bed are pretty awful to sleep with. So, if that’s you, lying there like a petrified fossil, please try to break out of your stone formation. It’s not much fun having sex with you.
2. You kiss a man with your lips closed.
Obviously, there are times for closed lips, church tongue, and a kiss on the cheek, but the ladies whose lips won’t part? It’s awful according to dudes.
3. You dish on the drama in your life.
So many women may have all fallen into this trap when we get super-comfortable with someone, but it’s an absolute no, no, and no! Do NOT prattle on about your everyday activities, listing the groceries you need, or detailing the office catfight while having sex. Just don’t!
4. You stop talking sexy.
Talking sexy and then “breaking” to plan lunch the next day and then “hopping back into character” is also a sure way to make his member soft for the night.
5. You bring your pet into the bed.
So, you and your guy are getting it on, and while you’re in the middle of it all, you’re connecting. With your pet. You’re oohing and ahhing over Fido. Or Tabby. No! It’s just... weird.
6. You give aggressive handjobs.
Please, don’t give him a handjob like you’re trying to start a lawnmower. Ask him to show you how he likes it when you do it to him for the first time. This way, you get a sense of his preference. Ask if he likes slow, hard, fast, or if he wants his balls and perineum touched. We ladies want men to do it right, so why shouldn’t we?
7. You expect one-way pleasure.
Yes, ladies, we do deserve to get the royal treatment in bed, but sex is something we share with someone. Share. We share, so that means the other party also needs to participate. It’s one thing if this is what you two have decided — that this time, the sex is all about you. Or, it’s another thing if you two are working out an S&M scene in which he does all the work like your little bitch. But ladies, don’t just expect to be serviced.
8. You use your teeth during a blowjob.
Watch the teeth during oral sex. You wouldn’t want your vagina to be bitten, would you?
9. You give him oral sex too fast.
It’s okay to go fast during oral sex if the man wants you to, but don’t assume he wants you to be a mouth jackhammer going fast and furious. Ask him what he likes. Switch it up. Try a little slow and sensual on his piece. Again, it’s all dependent on the guy.
10. You give him hickeys.
Nibbling is okay, but grown men don’t want hickeys. This isn’t middle school, girls.
11. You're impatient.
To quote one man who said it too well for me to say it another way: "Have a little patience. All women are different. What sends one of you through the roof with multiple orgasms is absolutely boring or vile to the next. Let me learn your body. I realize not all men are smart and willing to listen, but if we are, meet us at least a quarter of the way. I can't help it if you dated a bunch of Neanderthals and then found me."
12. You don't ask what he enjoys.
Don’t be afraid to ask him what he wants.
13. You don't own your confidence.
Be confident. Confident and sexy and always back it up. As a wise man says, “Maybe your body is not perfect. Chances are, I don't care. I mean, really don't care. I'm there for a reason. Relax and enjoy it.”
Don’t promise you’re going to do something sexually if you really have no intention of doing so. Teasing is fun if he knows it’s teasing for anticipation, but otherwise, it can be cruel.
14. You stare at him.
One man expressed that he didn’t like a lady staring at him the whole time while she was going down on him. I bet there are some guys who love this, though. Ladies, gauge him and ask: If I look intently the whole time, will you dig it? Or no?
15. You worry that he isn't orgasming.
If a man is not orgasming right away, don’t panic just yet and don’t take it personally. It might have nothing to do with you and everything to do with what’s going on in his mind. Or, as one man says, “It may be due to the herbal supplement I take for peak bedroom performance.”
A-ha! Now you know.
16. You don't put any effort into your appearance.
A little lingerie. A little foreplay. A little buildup of tension. Men like this just as much as we do!
Moral of this turn-off story? Ask, ask and ask your man what he likes and what he doesn’t. Just keep an open mind and the sex will be way better than either of you expected.
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Alex Alexander is a contributor to YourTango.