Why That 'Dear Husbands' Viral Video Was TOTAL Sexist Bullsh*t

marriage dear husbands video

A husband explains why “Dear Husbands” sucks.

I like good men. I do. As a man who was raised almost entirely by women and as the father of a daughter, I am a big fan of men who are really, actively trying not to be awful, sexist pigs. I like men who take their relationships and marriages seriously. I freakin’ LOVE those guys.

So, when a friend sent me a video on Facebook titled “Dear Husbands” that has 28 MILLION VIEWS so far (wow), I got excited. I’m a total sucker for inspirational Facebook videos, especially videos that talk up what it means to be an awesome, open-minded husband. I was jazzed. This video right up my alley. I was pumped and primed to get my “Enlightened Man” ON.

And then I watched it.

What. A. Pile. Of. Shit.

Seriously. Just… wow. WOW. This video is bad. It wraps itself in warm, fuzzy emotions — cutie-pie illustrations accompanied by painfully earnest synth music — but if you READ any of the video’s text, you will quickly realize that it is a fucking horrific pile of misogynistic GARBAGE.

Here’s the video if you haven’t seen it already (I apologize for sharing it). This is the video's less popular YouTube version (it's the EXACT same video as the FB one, only it has 27 million less views):

And now let me walk you through my actual responses from my first time watching this trainwreck of a Facebook video…

The first slide — the whole video is just a slideshow of text, sketched images, and bad music — reveals the full title of the video, which should’ve been my first red flag.

[“Dear Husbands, There’s a Reason Why Other Women Look So Attractive”]

What?! So, to open, this lovely-dovey video speaks directly to all husbands everywhere and pretty much says, “Hey married guys, I totally know that your wife looks like a flaming pile of shit.

THAT is how we’re opening? You can’t make a more cogent point about coveting what you don’t have or the impatience that sometimes arises in a marriage? Instead, you go straight to “DUDE, trust me, I know that EVERY other lady in the school drop-off lane looks so much HOTTER than that humanized blob-fish you decided to marry.”

(The accompanying illustration for this slide is also a happy man walking into a kitchen and smiling at his size -0 wife, so… mixed message, guys.)

Moving on to the next slide…

[“It’s Because There’s Somebody Taking Real Good Care of Them.”]

Oh boy, do they mean Jesus? My first guess was Jesus. (It’s not. The bad synth music fooled me.)

So, parsing their logic, other women are hotter than my wife because “somebody” is taking real good care of them? Creepy.

Also, “real good”? Really?

(The illustration shows a dude carrying a woman up the stairs, like Dexter hauling a victim to one of his kill rooms.)

Next slide…

[“The Grass Is Always Greener When It’s Watered.”]

It was at this point that my wife, who was watching this with me, said, “Wait, is this about peeing on me? Is that what this video is about?”

Again, super, SUPER weird phrasing on this slide. From the first slide, I could understand a “grass is always greener on the other side” thing – i.e. what you don’t have always looks better than what you do have. I’d get THAT.

But the watering thing… it really sounds like peeing, right? (NOT HAPPENING, VIDEO.)

(The illustration shows a creepy hipster dude watching a woman sleep. I really hope she’s asleep.)

Next slide…

[“So, Instead of Drooling Over What’s on the Other Side…”]

OK, the “drooling” mention isn’t helping my bodily fluid concerns from the previous slide, but I’ll play along. It seems like we might be moving towards a decent message.

(Illustration is a weird shot of a couple reading in bed together, both using circa 2001 book lights — even, inexplicably, on a tablet.)

Next slide…

[“Work on Yours, Water It, Cherish It”]

Again, don’t tell me to “water” my wife. She’s not into it and neither am I.

I’m not sure English is the first language of whoever created this. The metaphors are all over the place. I’m supposed to work on my side? Or is it my grass? And why I am drooling over grass again?

And when are they doing to explain why other wives are hotter than mine?

Because someone is taking “real good” care of them? Because, um, I know a lot of hot ladies who either have no husbands or kind of shitty husbands and they’re still REALLY hot. Just FYI.

(The illustration shows the couple — they now have a baby, I guess — happily dancing and the wife is wearing some kind of Jessica Rabbit gown. Also, the artist can’t draw feet. Neither can I, but it had to be said.)

Next slide…

[“Any Man Can Admire a Woman Who is Already Beautiful”]

It was at this point that I knew this video was going to end badly. I’m sorry — I knew it wasn’t going to end “real good.”

So far, ALL we’ve talked about is how attractive women are. Because they, apparently, have nothing else to offer.

Also, this kind of sounds like a challenge, right? “Hey, ANY man can admire a beautiful woman, but it takes a REAL man to admire a total uggo.” That’s where it sounds like it’s going, right? I will officially like and share this video, if that’s how it actually ends.

(The illustration looks like a courtroom sketch of a man trying to bite a woman’s nose off. It’s 90% the back of the dude’s head. Maybe they’re kissing? It still looks like assault to me.)

Next slide…

[“However, It Takes a True Gentleman to Make a Woman Beautiful.”]




This is NOT a feel-good, “aww, there are some good men out there” video.

This is a hate crime. This is TERRIBLE.

This soppy piece of shit is proudly declaring to the world, “Hey ladies, you only have value if men give you value. Oh, and also, your only value is your beauty, JUST FYI.”

What a horrible, horrible message to put out into the world. So, men MAKE women beautiful? What? I won’t even get into the issue with all of the hot-as-shit women in the world who are not into men AT ALL, but, seriously, a woman can only be beautiful if a man treats her right?

Um… no.

Yes, it’s great for men to be polite and respectful to women. That’s just a normal human value. But a tiny bit of respect from a man doesn’t immediately transform a woman into something more attractive and worthwhile. Men don’t have that power. No one does. NO ONE can GIVE worth to another human being. That’s something we all have to figure out on our own.

Also, didn’t this video start off telling me that “every other woman was hotter than my wife because they’re all being watered more”? So, if I’m more of a gentleman to my wife, you’re saying she’ll get hotter?

WTF? So, it’s not enough that I should just be nice and respectful to my wife because it’s the moral, empathetic thing to do, but instead, I also need some sort of incentive to do that?

“Hey, I know that you don’t want to treat your wife like a human being, but, dude, if you do, she will get super-hot. And she might let you pee on her.”

No fucking thank you, shitty Facebook video.

THIS is why we all need to be careful about the inspirational meme culture. YES, it is nice to send around a cute “aww” video or quote picture that seemingly spreads a positive message, but, sometimes, people can use all of the trappings of the inspirational genre to make you think they’re sharing something worthwhile.

I bet a few of those MILLIONS of people who shared this video didn’t even make it to the end. They just saw that a friend shared it and went “Aww, I like it when husbands are nice to their wives. I’ll share this.”

Because I hope, if they did see the ending, they would’ve realized how dumb, demeaning, and sexist that video really is.

Dear Husbands let me give you some of my own advice. Don’t share shitty videos like this on Facebook. And, if you think every other woman is hotter than your wife, you guys need counseling. (Also, if you want to pee on your wife, don’t call it “watering” because GROSS.)

(The final illustration has the wife sitting on her husband’s lap in front of his computer desk. She’s curled into the fetal position, presumably because she just watched this video.)