Woman's New Boyfriend Invoices Her For All Their Dates He's Been Tracking On A Spreadsheet
"I can’t tell if this is just him being 'organized' or if it’s a huge red flag."
fizkes | Shutterstock Should the man pay? Should the woman pay? Should the bill be split 50/50? It's a common question people ask when navigating the modern dating world.
Tradition and chivalry says the man should foot the bill, but more progressive ideas say it's reasonable for the woman to pay, or at least to pay for half. However, one woman had the decision made for her, and she's not sure what to think about it.
A woman's new boyfriend asked to be reimbursed for their dates, which he's been tracking on a spreadsheet.
A Reddit user shared a bizarre situation where her new boyfriend essentially sent her an invoice for their dates over the previous few weeks, and asked her to pay him back. She explained that they'd been seeing each other for a little over a month, and he had been very persistent in making plans and wanting to spend time with her.
Reddit
The woman had felt hopeful about the relationship as he had been taking things slow, and he had even waited a few weeks to kiss her for the first time. Her thoughts quickly changed after he abruptly sent her an Excel spreadsheet on which he had tracked all of the expenses from their dates, including restaurants, tickets, and Ubers. He emphasized that "money's a little tight for me and a source of stress right now with working two jobs."
She was astonished by the request, saying, "It felt transactional and weirdly formal, especially since he was the one initiating nearly all the plans." Though she did end up sending him the money, she asked in the post if she was overreacting or if this situation was a huge red flag.
The woman claimed that she's picked up the tab multiple times without thinking to keep score.
She wrote, "I thought we were just getting to know each other and splitting things organically like adults, especially since he’s about 10 years older than I am." That seems perfectly reasonable, and commenters were fully on board that she wasn't wrong in her assumptions.
Commenters were far from supportive of the man's actions. One user pointed out, "It's odd he's so OCD about tracking what he spent with you, and yet he apparently can't budget or stay within his means. The two just don't compute. (How accurate is his list? Because if he's not getting by on 2 jobs, he shouldn't be spending 500+ on socializing, especially when you're good with runs, bike rides, and other low/no cost hangouts."
Some thought that the request wasn't necessarily the issue, but how he went about it. Another user wrote, "He didn’t come to you with respect. Not with, 'Hey, I’m in a tight spot,' or 'Can we talk?' No. He came with a spreadsheet, setting the tone with expectation, not communication. The message was clear: You owe me."
Most Americans agree that finances should be discussed early on in a relationship.
A survey conducted by NerdWallet aimed to reveal Americans' thoughts on financial responsibilities in dating. 72% of all survey participants said that, in a heterosexual couple, the man should be the one to pay on the first date. Men were surprisingly more likely to think this way than women, with 78% of men agreeing versus 68% of women.
Rada Aslanova | Pexels
Others thought that the person who initiates the date should be the one to pay. The survey results showed that "65% of Americans agree that if someone asked them out, they would expect that person to pay for the date." Regardless of who pays for a date, two-thirds of participants agreed that couples should talk about their finances within the first six months of dating.
Kimberly Palmer, a personal finance expert at NerdWallet, said, "Getting on the same page financially early on can help set the tone for open and honest communication about finances throughout your relationship. Or, it could help you decide that the partnership is not a good fit. Either way, it’s information that can help you make an informed decision about where to take your relationship next."
There's nothing wrong with splitting costs while dating. The current economic climate doesn't have many people with a whole lot of disposable income. However, it's something that needs to be addressed before the actual dates. It's definitely not something that should require an Excel spreadsheet and an invoice.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
