11 Things That Take A Helluva A Lot Longer To Do Than Buy An AR-15

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Buying AR-15 Takes JUST 7 Minutes, These Things Take Longer

It takes just 7 minutes to buy the same gun as the Orlando shooter. That is absolutely crazy.

The devastating mass murders at Orlando’s Pulse nightclub has put America’s relationship with guns back in the center stage.

A reporter wanted to see just how long it would take for her to go into a store and purchased an AR-15, the legally acquired assault rifle used by gunman Omar Saddiqui Mateen to execute 49 innocent people and to injure dozens more.

Seven minutes. It took her just 7 minutes from the time she walked into the store, to the time she left, AR-15 in hand to complete the purchase.

There are so many things we do everyday that take so much  more time. From the totally mundane, to applying for other necessary government provided services. Here are just a few.

1. Ordering at Chipotle

If you want soft tacos, a burrito bowl, some nachos, or even just a soda and you decide to walk into Chipotle at lunchtime, expect to spend a minimum of twenty minutes.

2. Getting a driver’s license

I read an entire trashy romance novel while waiting to get my driver’s license. I was also thirty years old. I also saw several teenage boys trying not to cry after failing their exams. I walked out of there after four hours with a license.

3. Walking through Ikea

Ikea is designed for the meanderer. There’s no such thing as a quick trip to Ikea. There are virtual mini apartments with sensibly priced furniture to consider. This doesn’t even factor in stopping at the cafeteria for meatballs. A trip to Ikea requires an entire day.

4. Signing up for Obamacare

Obamacare is amazing and invaluable, and, despite its naysayers, pretty easy to apply for. That said, it definitely takes a solid half hour.

5. Getting deli meat and cheese

I have felt my bones turn to dust while I waited, clutching a paper number in my hand, to order me some quality ham and muenster cheese. The deli counter at Stop and Shop is so not for sissies.

6. Getting a passport

I applied for a passport three months ago and I’m still not remotely done with this bureaucratic baloney. It’s like the movie Brazil, not to be confused with the country which I will probably never visit because I still don’t have a passport.

7. Adopting a pet

In order to adopt my feisty feline Batman the cat, I had to go through a background check and THREE surprise home visits to make sure I wasn’t some monster who subsisted on a diet of cats. They don’t even do this to people planning to have kids.

8. Applying a perfect smoky eye

Getting the shading right on a smoky eye look is no joke. And I mean, if you’re also wearing dramatic false lashes? FORGET ABOUT IT. I hope you packed a lunch.

9. Applying for food stamps

The government has taken steps to make this process easier for families in need. They haven’t been successful. You can apply online but then you’ve still got wait to have you case assigned, arrange a phone session, and then come for an in person meeting. Literally days.

10. Getting a social security replacement card

I once lost both my social security card and my birth certificate. I had no driver’s license. In order to get my birth certificate I needed my social security. In order to get my social security card I needed, you guessed it, my birth certificate. This took weeks.

11. Making chocolate chip cookies

Between dough prep and baking no one steps away from this process without spending at LEAST an hour in thrall to the oven. But at the end you get cookies which are delicious, and presumably NO ONE FUCKING DIES.