18 Relationship Rules That Seem Obsolete, But Are Still The Strongest Foundation For Love
It's good for you, and good for your relationship.
urbazon | Canva When it comes to relationships, many of us are on the constant search for "the one". We think this mythical person will deliver a happily ever after and if they can't, we assume they were never "the one" to begin with. This thinking, unfortunately, leads people to heartbreak time and again.
You can meet "the one" and still have everything go wrong. In fact, every relationship will have things go wrong — often! That's because humans are imperfect. Fortunately, you can control whether you follow principles practiced by happy couples, and that can up your odds of having a life-long relationship.
Here are 18 relationship tips from the happiest couples on earth.
1. Respect one another
Without mutual respect, a relationship is doomed for failure. Mutual respect in a relationship means treating one another with admiration, acceptance, and high regard.
To have a happy relationship, you must respect each other's ideas and decisions with an undercurrent of love and trust, knowing that you have each other's goodness at heart. This isn't just a theory, a report that collected data from multiple studies discovered that marriages are happier when partners showed mutual respect and made decisions together, rather than when dominated by one partner only.
2. Adapt together
maxbelchenko via shutterstock
It is common knowledge that we each grow as our relationship evolves. That's just part of living your lives together, right? You are bound to experience personal growth and growth as a couple, and it's not a bad thing at all.
Don't fight this; rather, embrace each other, give each other room, and keep an open mind and an open heart. This builds a deep connection.
3. Be curteous to one another
Real happiness has its foundation on the altar of understanding and kind words. Even if you do not agree with your partner, merely displaying calm silence, sincerity, and courteous words show that you care.
Happy couples don't waste their time getting angry at one another when they disagree. Instead, they find common ground and move forward.
4. Listen more
Talking and acting from your own viewpoint most of the time, instead of trying to see the other's side, shows a lack of care and understanding. And a lack of empathy in a relationship is a recipe for disaster.
This does not mean that you compromise on your own ideals and inner peace. A really good relationship tip is agreeing to disagree, as this is a quality that can be cultivated within a partnership, especially with compassion and empathy. But this requires you to listen, to truly hear what your partner is saying.
Stop trying to formulate a response and take in what your partner is saying. Then, usee reflective listening to make sure you understand correctly. This helps people feel heard, and one study even discovered that it inspires positive feelings in the person being heard.
5. Avoid the blame game
When you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, it's best to get out of it as graciously as you can. To focus on the issue and blow things out of proportion is fruitless. For happy couples, they refrain from blaming one another.
You can teach people to mend their faults a hundred times better by setting a good example than you can by harsh or self-righteous words.
6. Practice self-awareness
It is a great practice to reflect once in a while on what you are contributing to your relationship. Are you an equal partnership, or is there room for improvement? These are the types of questions happy couples ask themselves on a daily basis.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are being judgmental, hypercritical, unfair, defensive, and unkind. Constantly course correct.
7. Admit your mistakes
As most relationship tips will tell you, this is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you know you are wrong. Nobody enjoys admitting they weren't right, but would you rather be right or would you rather stay in your relationship?
This simple gesture will bring you peace of mind and increase love and acceptance in your relationship.
8. Celebrate one another
pics five via shutterstock
With the busyness of life, it's easy to forget to celebrate one another. But doing so can create a closer bond, and remind you of why you got together in the first place.
Lift each other up and celebrate the small and large victories together. Sharing is caring. Be happy for each other.
9. Forgive often
Mark Twain said it best: "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." Forgiving, by its very act, makes you the bigger person.
Sometimes you forgive even though you know your partner is wrong. You forgive the other not for their sake, but for your own. The inner peace you attain as a result makes it all worthwhile and has been shown in studies to increase overall relationship satisfaction.
10. Cherish being loved
If you wish to be loved, start loving yourself first. It's the number one priority before allowing yourself to give your heart to another person.
Whatever you want others to be, first be that yourself, and then you will find others responding in like manner to you. When each partner wants to see the other happy, loving each other comes naturally.
11. Be thoughtful in your reactions
The way you react to a situation determines the outcome. Emotional reactivity can throw a wrench in a happy relationship and even be detrimental to your mental health. But you don't need to let your emotions control you.
If the outcome is not to your liking, then respond differently. Instead of blaming the event or your partner, look honestly at yourself. The answers may surprise you.
12. Communicate early, openly and often
Sometimes we allow anger and resentment to fester. When something is bothering you, it is best to communicate sooner rather than later. In communicating, use the word "I" and not "you."
By doing so, you are not accusing the other, merely stating how you feel. Such as "I am disappointed that..." "I resent..." "I hate it when..." or "I would love it if..."
13. Appreciate what the other offers
Make a list of what you appreciate about your partner and your relationship. Write down what really makes you happy, and then read it often.
Sometimes it's the little things that we need to be reminded of. They can help bring back the reasons we fell in love in the first place. Speak it out and let them know how much they are appreciated.
14. Acknowledge and let go of each other's past
We each have skeletons in our closets, instances and events that we are not too proud of or that have brought us sorrow or shame; relationships that have failed, or people that we would rather not be reminded of. But keeping those memories is sure to sour your relationship.
Let it all go. It does not serve your relationship. That was then, and this is now.
15. Work to be a peaceful homebase
LL_studio via Shutterstock
To be at peace with one's immediate relations is the greatest of all happiness (next to divine happiness). Unless you are at peace with yourself, you cannot bring peace into your relationship.
Meditation, prayer, spiritual practice — each contributes to helping us achieve peace in our lives. Pray together and enjoy meals together. The more time you share together, the deeper your love for one another will grow.
16. Share finances
Be willing to share and be truthful and responsible in money matters. Even if one person makes more money than the other, each of you has an equal say about joint expenses in the household.
You decide to agree on separate or joint accounts from the very get-go so that your mutual decision does not affect your relationship and intimacy in your lives. Don't let money tear apart your foundation.
17. Be best friends first
Life can bring many challenges. One of the most wonderful things about marriage and relationships is that you have each other to share your sorrows and joys with.
Keep your friendship strong by going on date nights together, talking, and laughing with each other. Remind one another frequently about that friendship you built first, and never lose sight of it.
When you come from a place of true friendship, nothing will faze you, because you will always know that you have each other's back, as well as the strength to overcome any adversity that life may bring.
18. Build and maintain healthy friendships
Interacting with your circle of mutual friends, and sharing your time with others together, makes you appreciate your partner even more. It can even be a source of great joy and fulfillment in your relationship.
By sharing your friends with one another, you're creating an even deeper bond. And it's something the happiest couples in the world do.
Rani St. Pucchi is a certified transformational life coach, success trainer, image consultant, author, TEDx speaker, and founder of St. Pucchi, the internationally acclaimed Bridal fashion house. She has been featured in Harper’s Bazaar, Town & Country, Medium, Huffington Post, among many other publications.
