How Your Partner Reacts To This Is A Strong Predictor Of Relationship Success, According To Research
Experts say your partners' response to this one thing can reveal whether your relationship will thrive or fall apart.
Rachel Mcderm | Unsplash A few years ago, I dated a man who, no matter what good things happened in my life, just couldn't be happy for me. When I got the job I'd be vying for, he responded by shrugging.
When I got asked to be one of only 10 writers to read our work at an event in Brooklyn, he rolled his eyes and never showed up. I couldn't figure out what it was inside him that prevented him from being truly happy for me.
Now I'm with someone who sometimes gets even more excited than I do when something good happens in my life, and, honestly, it's the best feeling in the world.
According to research, how your partner reacts to good things happening to you is a strong predictor of relationship success.
That positive response from your partner that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside is "capitalization," and according to some studies, it's essential in having a great romantic relationship.
It's those positive reactions of support and encouragement that make for greater intimacy, higher levels of relationship satisfaction, and create an overall sense of stability that lowers the chances of a breakup.
It's even been found that how our partner responds during the good stuff is even more important than how our partner responds during the bad stuff that sometimes comes along in life.
However, if you're in a relationship with someone whose "attachment style," something described in the simplest form as "closeness versus independence," is different from yours, then it can make for a less-than-blissful relationship. It's those with "attachment avoidance," the type who don't like to rely on a partner for anything, who, if in a relationship with someone opposite, can throw the whole support and encouragement thing out the window.
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If you prefer to keep some emotional distance, even with your partner, you won't be as stoked as your partner, who is a bit more emotionally attached than you.
For the emotionally attached, it's a less-than-stellar situation, especially because capitalization is so paramount in the happiness of a relationship.
So, what can you do if you're just not one of those people who are ecstatic at every great thing that happens to your partner? Well, researchers say, you need to make a "conscious effort."
It doesn't take much time and energy out of your day to give them a high-five, tell them you’re proud, and give them a big, wet, congratulatory kiss.
And, if you're on the other side, the emotionally attached side who love to give and get praise, then you need to be wary of the fact that sometimes your partner just isn't going to do cartwheels over the fact that you aced an interview. It's just how it is.
As with every aspect of a relationship, it's a give and take, and you get out of it what you put into it.
So, try injecting some capitalization in there from time to time, to keep things going strong.
Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
