I Burned A Sex Candle To See If It Would Help Me Get Laid And...

Photo: weheartit
I Burned a Sex Candle
Love, Sex

Can a sex candle really help your f*ckability?

I'm a big fan of magic. As a kid I used to watch Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie religiously. When I was older, I experienced the power of magic (otherwise known as law of attraction) when I prayed to God for $500 extra dollars so I could go on my backpacking trip (which ended being a life-altering trip) and out of nowhere I got a free train pass. Value? $500.

Or when devastated that I lost my periwinkle pinstriped strapless dress, I visualized another one coming to me. And lo and behold, a copywriting client sent me a strapless periwinkle dress two weeks later. (I could continue with these instances but we'd be here all day.)

Eventually, I took it a step further when I decided to do something more active. I went to Enchantments, the pagan store in the East Village and ordered myself a money candle. After I finished burning it, I received a surprise raise from my-then boss. And by surprise, I mean I didn't even ask for the raise.

Another time, I lit a love candle and poof! After a long dry spell, I fell in love. Unfortunately, in this case I wasn't too careful with what I asked for and ended up with someone who wasn't good for me in the long run.

So when I was asked to experiment with a sex candle, I thought "yes!" After all, who doesn't want a better sex life?

J, the guy I was seeing, had recently started his own company in the financial sector and had been working around the clock. Even when we did spend time together, he was often too tired to do anything other than Netflix and chill. I was beginning to feel antsy. I knew he had to work but a lady has needs, too (if you get my drift).

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as though I turned into a nun. But things weren't as hot and fiery as they used to be. So what better solution was there (outside of talking about it like adults) than lighting a candle in the hopes that J and I would start to hit it more often?

Faster than a witch on her broomstick, I made my way over to Enchantments to buy a sex spell candle. Making my way past scores of magic books, incense and cats, I made it to the back area where all the candle carving is done.

The candle-making ladies can be slightly intimidating; they were not warm and fuzzy. But they were polite, knowledgeable and got the job done. I told the woman behind the counter my predicament. She listened carefully, nodding along as she continued carving the candle she was already working on.

As any good practitioner of magic, she warned me I could not interfere with anyone's free will. However, as we were already together, I could send out good juju to improve our sex life. Talk about putting a damper on my plans. I wanted to control J with my loins! (Just kidding.)

I agreed to go ahead with the candle, giving her our full names and birthdays. She offered me a small dollop of honey as an offering. She also put some honey in the candle, along with incense and iron fillings.

Since the candle carving would take 20 to 30 minutes, I plopped myself on a nearby chair reading on my Kindle while waiting for my masterpiece. Half an hour later she was done. Mindy advised me to take a cleansing salt bath and write a letter of intention before lighting it.

The candles take seven days to burn if continuously lit. Thankfully, the cosmos understand that people have to leave the house and don't want to return to find it burned down, so it's perfectly fine to snuff the candle if need be.

I marveled at its magnificence. It was bright red and festooned with glitter carvings and smells of rose. I trotted home eager to try it out. I drew a bath, poured some Epsom salt in, and focused on my request.

Luckily, J, being the way he is, barely realized I was burning a candle so he didn't notice that his name and birthday were carved in it. Because I wasn't burning it seven days straight, it took a little over two weeks to finish.

Throughout this time, I didn't mention a word to J. After all, that would defeat the whole purpose.

When the candle was done, I recycled the glass jar and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I'd look at J wondering when he was going to suddenly pounce on me, ravishing me like a heroine in a romance novel. Instead, most nights continued as usual with J being exhausted and falling asleep.

A month later, nothing had changed. I finally gave up and confessed to J that I had lit a candle to light up our sex lives. He burst out laughing.

"You should have just talked to me!" he said between chortles. "It's not you, I'm just super-busy right now."

After a long talk we eventually came to a decision. On certain nights he would stop what he was doing and focus on us. He would work later on other days and I wouldn't bother him. It's wasn't perfect but it was certainly better than what we had going on.

In the end, I don't blame it on the candle. I suppose the woman at the sex candle store really was right: You can't bend anyone's free will. J's will meant he wanted to work a lot, which I can understand and appreciate.

The best kind of candle (or intention) to have is one that focuses on yourself. Perhaps a candle enhancing my own sexual magnetism, or one for happiness or increased joy, would have worked out better. The good news is, there's always next time.