A Guy's Response To 'What You Learn When You Move In With A Guy'

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston from The Break Up
Love, Self

Moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't mean turning into gender stereotypes.

Dear Author Who Shall Not Be Named,

Recently, I read this article about things you learn about guys when you move in with one.

It consisted of a bunch of jokes about the guy leaving the toilet seat up and watching football. Basically, the guy is a bit of a slob who's good for fixing stuff while you do your nails, and he doesn't understand how to do things like laundry and clean, and uses a lot less shower products than you do.

That'd be great if it weren't trite, hacky, overdone, stereotypical, inaccurate and stupid. None of this is stuff you actually learn when you move in with somebody. Unless you're living with Tim Allen from 1995, none of this is relevant.

When I moved in with my girlfriend, I wasn't surprised to find out that she also understood how to work a television. She was able to plug in appliances and handle herself like an adult. It's crazy how women these days are learning to live on their own without help! They don't need the assistance of some dumb man who they need to trick into doing manual labor!

We get it, your boyfriend likes football and tools and you do laundry and wear nail polish. Stop acting like those are things you learned when you moved in with your boyfriend. Also, at one point in the article you say that your boyfriend collects tools. No one "collects" tools. He has tools. No one goes out and buys a hammer, uses it once and then gets rid of it. They're not a one time use sort of thing. It's weird that that's how you think of purchasing tools. (Though maybe your boyfriend just dates tools.)

The kicker, though, is the part at the end where you claim you and your boyfriend had a three farts per day policy is super weird? Did you really think that he only farted three times a day? No human does that. If your boyfriend moved in and one of the things that you learned was "he farts," then you weren't ready for an adult relationship.



P.S. You know that you fart too.