If You Hide These 11 Things From Other People, You're Much Smarter Than Average
They're characterized by their openness, but not like this.
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock While "openness" is generally a trait most closely associated with intelligence, according to a PNAS study, truly smart people don't just share everything about themselves or their closest secrets with others all the time. They're intentional about these kinds of things, manifesting their own sense of openness by being curious, leaning from others, and accepting challenges with grace.
In fact, there are, ironically, many things that they're private about in their daily lives. From romantic connections to internal self-esteem, confidence, and secrets in a friend group, if you hide these things from other people, you're much smarter than average.
If you hide these 11 things from other people, you're much smarter than average
1. Your exact goals and dreams
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According to psychologist Marwa Azab, people who brag about their goals for attention before actually achieving them tend to sabotage their own motivation and progress. They take away the relief of sharing realized dreams with others, often overlooking the importance of the process and journey.
However, exact goals and dreams are things that smart people keep to themselves until they achieve them. They focus on the small habits, personal fulfillment, and self-discipline it takes to achieve things, rather than acceptance or validation from others for simply starting.
2. 'Brutally honest' opinions of people
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Whether it's talking about a co-worker they don't like in front of others or giving advice to someone, truly smart people are careful about the kinds of opinions they share. They generally avoid the contagious negativity of drama and gossip, so when they don't like someone, they don't disguise their hurtful opinions with "brutal honesty." They keep it to themselves.
While gossip and venting about people isn't always a bad thing, like a study from Stanford researchers suggests, hurting other people with honest opinions about their character is often a ploy for seeking attention and superiority, not a mechanism for connection, truthfulness, or helpfulness.
3. Your next move
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When you start to share your next move to anyone who will listen — whether it's about your love life, career, or personal habits — you start to introduce a number of unfortunate things into your routine.
From drama, to questions, misguided jealous friends, and push-back, when other people know what you're doing at every stage in your life, you start to largely consider their emotions and opinions, rather than your own guiding compass.
If you hide these things from other people, you're much smarter than average — appreciating mental stimulation when you're alone, introspection, and crafting your own foundation of motivation and fulfillment.
Like a study from the Journal of Personality explains, smart people use alone time for all of these things, whether it's crafting a new routine, building self-awareness, or protecting their positive mood from superficiality or envy in others.
4. Details about your love life
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A study from Computers in Human Behavior found that the most intimate couples often benefit from a layer of privacy, both online — sharing photos and information through social media — and in their real lives, talking about personal details and issues in a relationship with other people.
That's why you're likely much smarter than average if you keep details about your love life to yourself, especially critiques, negativity, and problems within your relationships. While close friends and family can sometimes help to support you through rough patches and dilemmas in your love life, those words in the mind of the wrong person can quickly sabotage the intimacy and trust of your relationships.
5. Mental health strategies
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Unless you're helping other people and sharing tips for handling mental health concerns, the strategies you use to self-soothe and protect your well-being are things you hide from other people, if you're smarter than average. They're sacred and inherently personal — practices that hold a deep place in your life and routine, and sharing them with the wrong people can urge you to over-explain and justify things that just make sense to you.
Part of the reason why friendships and relationships are so healthy for smart people who invest in them thoughtfully is that they're willing to share and support. They talk about their mental health and ask for help when they need it, but with peers and strangers they don't know, it's often something they keep hidden from themselves.
6. Past struggles and trauma
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Talking about trauma and finding shared experiences with others over struggles can cultivate intimacy, support, and a strong sense of bonding, but only with trusted friends and close relationships. Otherwise, if you hide these things from other people, you're much smarter than average.
Not everyone deserves access to you in that way, so you save the vulnerability around these deep-rooted traumas and life struggles for the people you trust, love, and care about crafting intentionality with.
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7. Your true confidence
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Many people who are intellectually humble in places like the workplace, despite having high levels of confidence and self-worth on the inside, are more successful and likable than overcompensating overconfident people, according to a Frontiers in Psychology study.
When it comes to navigating social situations, professional meetings, or even interviews, truly smart people are careful about coming across as too confident. They want to make space for other people to be themselves, contribute to conversations, ask questions, and bond without the overwhelming nature of radical confidence overshadowing it all.
8. Your insecurities
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If you hide things like self-doubts and insecurities from other people, you're smarter than average. According to experts from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, many people plagued by self-doubt — especially when they speak it into existence and talk about it with others — tend to be more stagnant. They encourage other people to think about them as less competent or secure, before they even have a chance to craft an image on their own accord.
Another study from Developmental Psychology suggests that co-rumination — talking about worries obsessively with other people — can craft a stronger sense of closeness, but it often sparks more anxiety, depression, and stress than keeping certain things inside. Don't suppress these emotions, but deal with them on your own time before letting other people into your world of vulnerability.
9. Family drama
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Setting boundaries with family drama — both with specific family members and also with yourself, to ensure you're not oversharing or overshadowed by constantly talking about it — can be protective for mental health, well-being, and all the relationships in your life. So, if you hide these things from other people, you're smarter than average.
You don't let your personal relationships and conversations center around family trauma and drama all the time. You may ask for help from a trusted friend or seek support, but when you're being disrespected by family, you're not bringing that negativity into every interaction.
10. Other people's secrets
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Adult friendships later in life are often cultivated and maintained with a foundation of trust. You trust your friends to be consistent, to support you, and to keep your secrets to themselves. It's these seemingly small promises that make a big difference, and that many people overlook when they sabotage relationships by sharing other people's information and secrets.
So, if you hide these things from other people, you're much smarter than average, but you're also probably a better friend than most people.
11. Acts of generosity
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Truly smart, giving, and secure people don't need to brag about helping others or share their acts of generosity with others to reap their benefits. They're internally secure and emotionally regulated, so when they help others, it's out of the kindness of their heart — not for attention, acceptance, or external validation.
According to a Frontiers in Psychology study, helping others and living life in an altruistic way often boosts well-being, self-esteem, and general happiness. So, keeping these acts to themselves isn't shielding them from reaping the benefits — it's giving smart people a chance to revel in their own personal experiences of helpfulness.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
