Women With Undiagnosed ADHD Usually Say 11 Phrases Without Thinking First

After being chronically misdiagnosed and overlooked for years, many women are finally on their self-acceptance journeys after coming to terms with their newly discovered ADHD.

Compared to the hyperactivity of their male counterparts, women’s inattentiveness and internal restlessness are easily misunderstood. However, once it becomes evident, these women quickly realize that it's been there all along. One of the most common indicators is the words and phrases women with undiagnosed ADHD say without thinking first, unable to control their impulses before they even know what's happening.

Women with undiagnosed ADHD usually say 11 phrases without thinking first

1. ‘Sorry, I forgot again’

Woman saying sorry, I forgot again at work GaudiLab | Shutterstock.com

Many women with undiagnosed ADHD struggle with workplace success because they regularly face disorganization and forgetfulness. That’s why it’s not surprising that they often apologize for forgetting things and work twice as hard to keep track of their commitments as the average person does.

On top of being easily distracted and internally restless when others are focused, they struggle with a fear of forgetting things and of disappointing others. Especially without having an ADHD diagnosis to understand and grow with, they often adopt more self-blame, which adds to the struggles they face.

2. ‘What were you just saying?’

Woman asking someone what they were just saying at work PeopleImages | Shutterstock.com

Despite being overlooked in many women, inattention is often associated with ADHD. According to a study published in the Frontiers in Psychiatry journal, that’s part of why their minds wander more often and they’re more likely to let distractions in, zoning out, even when someone else is speaking.

Even before they chalk up their creative, deep-thinking minds to ADHD, you’ll often hear these women asking, “What were you just saying?” at least a few times in conversation

3. ‘I don’t know why I’m crying’

Woman saying I don't know why I'm crying to her friend Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock.com

According to a study published in Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience, being over-responsive to sensory information is part of why women with ADHD are often more emotional and sensitive. Especially when they don’t understand why they’re easily overstimulated by noise and sensory information, it only adds to their frustration and reaction in the face of stress.

You’ll often hear phrases like “I don’t know why I’m crying” that signal this frustration from women with undiagnosed ADHD. They can recognize that they’re okay and safe, but still find it hard to manage emotions and strain when there’s a lot going on around them.

4. ‘I work best under pressure’

Woman saying she works best under pressure to a colleague Dragon Images | Shutterstock.com

Women with ADHD struggle to focus, especially in boring situations and environments where there isn’t any sensory information to focus their minds. They either focus on low-effort tasks to avoid complex obligations or struggle with task paralysis that makes focusing on one thing impossible.

Especially for women who hold themselves to high standards and operate in perfectionist ways, putting off an important task can often be because they fear doing poorly or making a mistake. The excuse of working better under pressure is usually just a justification for the behavior they can’t stop doing, even when they don’t know why.

5. ‘I’m a bad texter’

Woman saying she's a bad texter while talking on the phone Matej Kastelic | Shutterstock.com

Object permanence is something almost everyone with ADHD struggles with on a daily basis. If they’re not looking at the messages on their phone, they won’t always remember to respond to a text. If they put something in the back of the fridge, chances are, it’s going to rot there.

That’s why you’ll often hear a woman with ADHD using phrases like “I’m a bad texter” to justify her late responses online. She may not realize why she finds it difficult to respond to people and keep up digitally, but in reality, it’s usually this struggle with inattention and object permanence.

6. ‘I need a break’

Woman saying she needs a break to her teenage daughter Lightfield Studios | Shutterstock.com

Women with ADHD often exist in a state of sensitivity, where overstimulation and too much sensory input can be too overwhelming to handle. While they might not have the labels for it, you’ll often hear them asking for space or a break when things feel chaotic, whether it’s at a social event or a professional meeting.

They need space to gather their thoughts and regulate their nervous system, because even if everyone else can ignore the distractions, they’re easily swept up in the chaos.

7. ‘You don’t understand’

Woman saying you don't understand to her friend Monkey Business Images | Shutterstock.com

Even before they have a formal diagnosis, women often deal with more societal misunderstandings, personal mental health struggles, and ostracism because of their ADHD than their male counterparts do, according to a study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. They’re used to feeling like the odd person out of the group or the misunderstood friend, even before they understand why.

Saying “You don’t understand” might be chalked up to teenage angst or frustration in adulthood for these women, but in reality, they’re right. Women with ADHD have incredibly unique struggles and experiences that usually only people who’ve been in them can actually understand.

8. ‘I’m obsessed with this’

Woman saying she obsessed with this to her co-worker Moon Safari | Shutterstock.com

While women’s ADHD is often associated with inattention, it’s not out of the ordinary for them to also go through periods where hyperactivity and fixations are also present. Whether it’s in romantic relationships or an obsession with a niche hobby for a few days, some women with ADHD may find that they very randomly adopt obsessions with things that turn boring quite quickly.

Without the context of an ADHD diagnosis, many women can feel really misunderstood and internally frustrated by these cycles. They have many great obsessions, but when they fizzle out, they struggle to understand their true interests and identity. Everyone feels passionate and excited for a little while, but eventually grows frustrated.

9. ‘I’m feeling a little bit lost’

Woman saying she's feeling a little bit lost Wayhome Studio | Shutterstock.com

Whether it’s auditory processing struggles, which make understanding people’s words and language difficult, or a tendency to be easily distracted, many women struggle with following directions. While getting support from workplace accommodations or asking for help can mediate these issues, for women who don’t realize they have ADHD, there could be shame and embarrassment.

They were listening, but still felt lost. They don’t want people to think they were nodding off and being lazy, so they pretend they’re in the loop. However, at the end of the day, they’re usually lost and confused, wherever they are, without instructions or guidelines to help them.

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10. ‘I have so much to do’

Woman saying she has so much to do at work looking stressed PeopleImages | Shutterstock.com

Task paralysis is a very real struggle for many people, causing them to develop incredibly long, stressful to-do lists, without any motivation to actually start. That’s where procrastination and delaying tasks come in for many women.

While some can chalk up their behavior to ADHD and find ways to make tasks easier with that knowledge, undiagnosed women often feel ashamed and internally frustrated by these cycles. They’re always complaining about how they have so much to do, but find starting or working on anything a million times harder.

11. ‘I’m late’

Woman looking at her watch and saying "I'm late!" Andrii Iemelianenko | Shutterstock.com

According to a 2019 study, individuals with ADHD often experience time blindness, which causes them to underestimate how much time a task will take or how long it will take them to get somewhere.

Because of this struggle, they often find it difficult to regularly show up on time or manage their schedule. They’re always running late or dealing with unexpected tasks that take way longer than expected. While it might seem like they’re actively disrespecting someone’s time or revealing a lack of consideration, the truth is that these women and people can’t usually control the struggle, especially if they don’t realize it’s caused by ADHD at all.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.