8 Ways Smart People Stand Up For Themselves That Are Difficult For Average Minds
Sitting by passively will never yield results.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock While most of us are taught to stand up for ourselves, 90% of people have felt afraid to speak their minds at least once within the last 18 months. Speaking up in awkward situations or when you have something important to say can be one of the toughest things, but your life and relationships will always be better for it.
Everyone worries about uncomfortable hiccups during tough conversations, but there are specific ways smart people stand up for themselves that are difficult for average minds to comprehend. However, anyone can be assertive with their needs — it just takes some small changes.
Here are 8 ways smart people stand up for themselves that are difficult for average minds
1. Self-advocating
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It's not uncommon for people to be taught to put the needs of their loved ones ahead of their own. While it's wonderful to consider others, you should always be your top priority. If you want to be a strong communicator, you have to figure out what you want and never shy away from your wants and needs.
As a study from the Journal of Cancer Education found, advocating for yourself is empowering and ensures your needs are fulfilled and met by others. And people who care about you will want to know how you're feeling and what they can do to help you thrive. You should reconsider someone's presence in your life if they always shut you down when you try to express yourself.
2. Showing empathy
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One of the lesser-known ways smart people stand up for themselves that are difficult for average minds is showing empathy in situations that may have none.
As social psychology professor Karina Schumann explained, "In general, empathy is a powerful predictor of things we consider to be positive behaviors that benefit society, individuals, and relationships. Scholars have shown across domains that empathy motivates many types of prosocial behaviors, such as forgiveness, volunteering, and helping."
When you consider where someone else is coming from when they enter a discussion, and approach it with compassion, you can better understand why they say and do certain things. In an ideal world, everyone in your life would also bring empathy to the table as well. And once you can get into the minds of others, you'll be able to navigate conversations in a way that keeps the mood calm and productive.
3. Repeating what others say to avoid miscommunications
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When it comes to good communication, listening is just as important as speaking. Paying too much attention to how you speak can lead to harmful miscommunications that prevent your relationships from deepening.
If you're ever unsure of what someone else is trying to say, repeat what they said to you while using your own words. They can either confirm or correct what you said so you're both in agreement. Don't feel shy about asking someone else to do the same for you if they seem confused. It's what intelligent people who stand up for themselves do best.
4. Avoiding passive language
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A common mistake many people make when they're afraid to speak is using passive language. For example, if you'd like your partner to contribute more to household chores, a passive phrase is, "It would be nice if the dishes could get done." Instead, you can use direct language by saying, "I would be so grateful if you could do the dishes tonight."
Relationship expert Rhoberta Shaler explained that people who speak this way intentionally avoid being open and direct, instead giving ambiguous answers that hide their true thoughts. So, even if you don't do it purposely, be mindful of the way in which you speak to someone.
5. Pivoting when conversations are no longer productive
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When you feel like your conversations seem to go off the rails and you're not sure how you got there, train yourself to recognize the early signs that the conversation will go south if it continues on its current course. It's one of the simple ways smart people stand up for themselves that are difficult for average minds.
When a friend, family member, or acquaintance brings up something you don't feel is relevant to the topic, you can politely point this out to them. You can say something like, "I can see that this is important to you, but I don't think it will help us with what we're trying to accomplish right now. Is it alright if we talk about that issue later?"
6. Being mindful of when certain topics come up
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If there's something important that you'd like to talk about with someone close to you, it's understandable if you feel antsy. As much as it would benefit you short-term to get that conversation out of the way as soon as possible, you may not get the long-term results you want.
There are all kinds of factors that can impact a person's mood and how they react to you and the topic. For example, if you try having a serious conversation right after your partner gets home from a long day of work, they might be grumpy. Instead, be mindful and try to time special conversations so the mood is right.
7. Paying attention to their tone and body language
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Your words may bear the heaviest meaning, but you shouldn't underestimate the impact of tone and body language either. You can think about this in simple terms by imagining a dog: Even if you're trying to tell a dog how much you love them, they won't receive your kind words well if you're yelling and pointing at them in an aggressive way.
By paying attention to the way their body "speaks" and the tone they take, it's another of the ways smart people stand up for themselves that are difficult for average minds. Ensure that your body language remains open and calm. If you notice that you're starting to raise your voice, take a deep breath or excuse yourself for a moment if you need to find your center again.
"In a relationship, the tone of voice plays a pivotal role in effective communication. A soft tone can convey empathy and understanding, fostering a sense of closeness and trust between partners. Conversely, a sarcastic tone can cause hurt and misunderstanding, creating distance," psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams revealed. But this can apply to any relationship in your life, too.
8. Keeping their intentions in mind
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If you want your relationships to move forward, meditating on the other person's intentions will help you navigate your discussions with more grace. Practice trusting your intuition more and don't hesitate to redirect conversations so they stay aligned with what you both want to achieve.
Jennifer S. Wilkov is a motivational speaker, best-selling author, business consultant, and founder of Speak Up Women, a community dedicated to the importance of women's self-expression and empowerment.
