People Who Use These 12 Tired Phrases Annoy Pretty Much Everyone They Talk To
Sofiia Sydor | Shutterstock Mastering the art of engaging and compassionate conversation isn't easy. If you rely on a number of tired phrases, it can be easy to slip up and say the wrong thing or annoy people.
When someone relies too heavily on clichés or corporate jargon, they wind up annoying pretty much everyone they talk to. Some of these phrases are so overused, they're almost meaningless, which seems lazy or careless while others might come off as flippant, sarcastic or salty. Regardless of the reason, it's worth avoiding tired phrases like this, substituting genuine, authentic phrases instead.
People who use these 12 tired phrases annoy pretty much everyone they talk to:
1. 'It is what it is'
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While this phrase can be annoying in passing conversation simply because it's overused, there's an unsuspecting deeper meaning that is much more serious. That's because it is a sign the person saying "it is what it is" doesn't care about the consequences of their choices.
This phrase actively suggests that people avoid responsibility in their lives and instead leave it "up to fate." In reality, you are the main determinant of the direction of your life based on what you invest your time and energy into and the relationships you want to pursue.
If you leave every argument, conflict, or life decision up to a phrase like "it is what it is," you're sure to be disappointed, and healthy, empowered people know this. That's why saying "it is what it is" when someone else is struglging is likely to annoy pretty much anyone.
2. 'Everything happens for a reason'
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This overused phrase exemplifies toxic positivity in ways that are equally unproductive and annoying in passing conversations. While it might seem comforting at a distance, phrases like this, especially ones that use "all-or-nothing language" like "everything," only make everyone feel worse.
If you say a tired phrase like "everything happens for a reason," you're likely dismissing someone's pain or justifying traumatic experiences they've lived through. Worse, saying something like this may mean ignoring a request for support, which often creates distance and resentment in the healthiest of relationships. Consider the ways one can rework a statement like this, not just to avoid being dismissive, but to truly emotionally support the people in your life.
For example, if someone experiences a tragedy, it's much kinder to just say, "I'm so sorry this is happening." This recognizes someone's hurt and doesn't insist they see the "up side" of a tragedy or something that hurt them.
3. 'Life isn't fair'
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There are several overused phrases to avoid unless you want to annoy people, and many of them are rooted in misguided perceptions. "Life isn't fair" isn't one of those.
Life truly isn't fair for most people, but when this phrase is used in passing conversation, it only comes across as dismissive, as if the person who is having a hard time should just accept struggle, pain and heartbreak. Worse, if someone says this when there's been an injustice, they are directly adding to the harm by ignoring the injustice.
Stating the obvious as a means to provide support doesn't just come across as inauthentic, but ignorant. As a friend, partner, or parent, you're not going to meet someone where they are, truly support them, or share compassionate ideas with them if you're simply restating their concerns. And, of course, it's annoying (and worse) to feel unheard.
4. 'No offense'
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If you have to warn someone before you say something in the name of "brutal honesty," you're probably doing more harm than good. The art of emotional intelligence in conversation encompasses a web of healthy practices, rooted in communication, empathy, compassion, and active listening. People who use tired phrases like, "no offense" give themselves a pass for avoiding the accountability of whatever they're about to say.
Like political science professor Louay Safi argues in "Leading with Compassion" empowering leaders, friends, partners, and parents all channel compassion in their conversations, even in conflict, even amid disagreements, and even more adamantly when they're supporting someone who's struggling. Don't use a "no offense" pass to avoid prioritizing compassion.
5. 'Hard work always pays off'
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If you grew up in a vulnerable family, lived in a low-income community, or struggled to assert yourself in traditional institutions because of your fundamental identity, you know that the validity of a tired phrase like "hard work always pays off" is not only untrue, but wildly misguided, according to a world-wide report from Oxfam. Worse, it can further injustice and inequity.
Hard work does pay off for a lot of people in the workplace, in personal relationships, and in many cases with personal development, but the privilege of reaping the benefits of hard work isn't something everyone is privy to. If you're talking to someone who has experienced this constant struggle, you're not actually motivating them, you're probably just being an annoyance.
6. 'Money won't buy you happiness'
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While there's an ever-present debate about whether or not there's a true correlation between financial security and subjective well-being, research published in the Journal of Financial Education argues there are certain financial habits and behaviors that are actually associated with a person's happiness.
For example: Can you pay your bills? Are you struggling to afford groceries? Do you live in a constant state of anxiety over your financial status?
People who use tired phrases like "money won't buy happiness" without considering what is making the other person unhappy are showing ignorance. After all, it's possible that poverty or money struggles are making life harder and by saying this, they're probably annoying someone.
7. 'I'm not going to lie'
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While it often requires more emotional intelligence and energy, the practice of "truth with compassion" is much more healthy for relationships than brutal honesty, according to licensed psychologist Jonice Webb. This means thinking through what you're about to say and finding ways to speak with empathy, even when you have to say something that might be unpleasant to hear.
People who say "I'm not going to lie" are often annoying to others because they think it's going to absolve them of any responsibility. At the very least, you're annoying someone else with this tired phrase, but at the most, you could be making someone else feel unheard, misunderstood, and generally unsupported.
8. 'I know this is a big ask'
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Typically used in workplace settings, annoying workers across industries, this tired phrase is not just grammatically incorrect but ignorantly placed in many conversations. While sometimes it's a way to acknowledge that you're asking for a big favor, it's often a way to get someone ready for an unreasonable request.
To begin, you're requesting something, not asking; it's technically "a big request" not "a big ask." Also, if you know it's a big ask and something that's likely going to spark anxiety or stress, just say that.
At the very least, having a boss or manager who acknowledges your heavy workload can help to mitigate the associated stress, rather than being dumped with a new project or responsibility without any help or support. But if someone goes around saying, "I know it's a big ask" and doesn't adapt your workload or their expectations, they're going to annoy people around them.
9. 'I could care less'
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As a tired phrase that should speak for itself, the annoyance behind this saying is entirely grammatical. When people say, "I could care less," they're not expressing complete apathy towards something, but rather arguing that they do care about it, as there's other things they care about less.
Try "I couldn't care less" if you're looking to express your passiveness about something. And if you're unsure about what to use, just spell it out with a few more words.
This might also annoy pretty much everyone you talk to because it expresses apathy, grammatically correctly or not. We like people to be engaged and to care, and this sassy-toned statement of apathy is just not cute
10. 'Let's circle back'
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Business expert and the author of Talk Normal: Stop the Business Speak, Jargon, and Waffle, Tim Phillips, argues that corporate jargon like this phrase not only annoys co-workers and employees in the workplace, but often isolates them from important conversations. Equally confusing and vague, overused phrases like this aren't necessary; they only add to the inaccessibility and divide the average person faces at work.
Despite toxic workplace expectations that might suggest otherwise, it's okay to bring your humanity to work and, in many cases, it can actually promote a healthier, more productive environment. You don't have to speak with metaphors or use cliche phrases to get your point across, like Phillips explains, just speak like a human.
While saying a tired phrase like "let's circle back" is OK once in a while, it's going to be annoying to pretty much everyone if it's used to put off resolving issues.
11. 'I'm here for you'
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Saying, "I'm here for you" can seem like a sweet phrase to show support, but it doesn't have any depth. Most research on emotional support, including a 2009 study on feeling understood, reports that communication and trust are foundational requirements to cultivating healthy and balanced relationships. Communicating support effectively can be complicated, but you have to do more than use tired phrases.
For many people, expressing genuine concern, asking questions, and actively showing up for friends and family in need of emotional support is their way to build trust, while others utilize phrases like this one to appear available. Often an "empty phrase" in many relationships, people on the receiving end of a phrase like this hardly feel empowered to ask for help or reach out for emotional support.
If you're truly looking to support someone or empower them towards growth, show up. Send them a gift, help them with a chore, or actively listen to them in conversations. The intention behind a phrase like this might be great, but action is always better.
12. 'You're doing too much'
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A saying that typically follows an expression of intense emotion or a critique of another person, this new-but-tired phrase is sure to annoy at least a few people in passing conversations. Not only does it inherently demean vulnerability in many situations, it urges people to shrink their emotion, excitement, or presence to accommodate someone else.
Business executive Ceci Stallsmith argues that the willingness to "make other people feel small" in conversation is often a side effect of insecurity. In order to maintain an aura of confidence and self-assuredness, insecure people who struggle with utilizing their emotional intelligence in conversations use overused phrases like this to assert their dominance.
Even if it doesn't seem that significant to you, there's a chance someone else has heard this phrase a hundred times over. Don't make the mistake of trying to slip it unsuspectingly into a conversation, as you're only setting yourself back in achieving meaningful connections.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
