11 Things People With Actual Common Sense Find Exhausting To Be Around
They're not just sensical, but emotionally and socially aware.
Igor Maz | Shutterstock Common sense is often an abstract concept, defined both by an individual's mindset and their shared beliefs in a community, according to a PNAS study. While many people believe they have common sense navigating their lives and decisions, it's actually more rare than we think. So, what's the true determinant of common sense in people who actually have it? Experts believe it's emotional intelligence.
The ability to empathize with others' emotions and understand people on a deeper level is often associated with greater common sense, so it's not surprising that there are a number of things people with actual common sense find exhausting to be around. From fake kindness, to manipulative behaviors, and toxic people, the kinds of things that drain emotionally intelligent and empathetic people are often the same things that exhaust individuals with common sense.
Here are 11 things people with actual common sense find exhausting to be around
1. People glued to their phones
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According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, many people yearn for a sense of deeper connection and understanding, but often struggle with actually engaging in these kinds of conversations and interactions. In many cases, their phone dependencies and need for instant gratification are sabotaging them, keeping them from being fully present with a partner, peer, or stranger.
It's one of the things people with actual common sense find exhausting to be around, because they make the effort to actively listen and help other people to feel heard, only to have no support or acknowledgement in return.
2. Overly competitive people
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Many overly competitive people are driven by external praise and validation, according to a study from the Journal of Psychology. They'd prefer to gain status, external acceptance, and misguided belonging by comparing themselves to others and competing, rather than truly connecting with people.
Of course, emotionally intelligent people know that there's enough love, happiness, and money to go around. Just because one person has something you want doesn't mean it's not equally attainable for you, in most cases. It's exhausting to feel like you have to compete with the people around you, especially if it's a close friend or loved one that you should trust and love without conditions.
3. People who flaunt their success
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Whether it's bragging about their goals before they actually realize them or flaunting wealth to achieve praise and external validation, these are some of the things people with actual common sense find exhausting to be around.
If people with true common sense are also generally emotionally intelligent, they don't need to flaunt their success to feel fulfilled because accomplishing things and enjoying the journey on a personal level is enough.
4. People who don't respect boundaries
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When someone expresses a boundary, it might not be comfortable to digest and respect, but people with common sense know that they're essential in healthy relationships to follow. Of course, if a boundary doesn't make sense for their lifestyle and well-being, they always have the choice to walk away, but they never sabotage another person's well-being for their own comfort and ego.
According to psychologist Bethany Juby, nobody can control another person's behavior — boundaries aren't avenues for policing other people's behavior. But when someone consistently disrespects boundaries, refuses to change, and even manipulates others into altering their needs in a relationship, that can feel exhausting.
5. Chronic complainers
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People who constantly complain without ever making any changes or taking action often isolate themselves from other people, according to psychotherapist William Berry, because they drain the energy from interactions and spark negativity in relationships.
Emotionally intelligent people may complain about things or vent to a trusted friend, but they take action and accountability when they need to. They never complain aimlessly without direction. If you've ever been around a chronic complainer, you know that nothing is ever their fault.
6. People with victim mentalities
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According to clinical psychologist Karin Gepp, people who have chronic victim mentalities often shift blame and avoid taking accountability to cope with their own insecurities. Regardless of what they say and how they behave, they're never in the wrong.
While this behavior is often a coping mechanism for unmet needs and unresolved trauma, it's still one of the things people with actual common sense find exhausting to be around. People with common sense know that in order to truly connect with people and grow on a personal level, they have to own up to their mistakes and take accountability.
7. People always in a crisis
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You probably know people who are always in a crisis — they always need support, money, help, or guidance, but never seem to be there when you need them. Of course, people should be in relationships where they feel comfortable asking for help and expressing their struggles, but when it's entirely one-sided, it can be draining.
Most of the time, these people are looking for acceptance and validation. Regardless of what's actually going wrong in their lives, they're exaggerating their hurt, looking for reassurance, and adopting a pessimistic outlook on their situation. It's exhausting to be around, but it's also taxing on the emotionally secure people forced into supporting without reciprocity.
8. Toxic workplaces
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While expectations of overworking, bad bosses, and a toxic workplace culture can be exhausting for most people to be around, workers with strong common sense and emotional intelligence often struggle the most. They have all the tools to succeed and may even have a vision for their workplace to make it better, but they're taken advantage of and dismissed.
Considering around one-quarter of Americans dread going to work everyday, these people aren't alone. A toxic workplace can make all the difference, not just in productivity, but also in personal mental and physical well-being.
9. Unnecessary drama
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According to a study from Behaviour Research and Therapy, people who lean into acceptance in the face of a hard situation or negative experience often end up happier than people who adopt a pessimistic or negative mindset. Simply "letting it be" boosts mood and well-being more than gossip, drama, and negativity ever will.
That's part of the reason why unnecessary drama is one of the things people with actual common sense find exhausting to be around. They know that regardless of the comfort it provides in a passing moment, fighting internal hurt with negativity only does more harm than good.
10. Passive-aggressive comments
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According to licensed therapist and coach Loriann Oberlin, passive-aggressive language and behavior sabotages relationships — sparking mistrust, resentment, and disconnection between partners, friends, and peers. From condescending remarks to unreliability, a passive-aggressive person prefers to protect their own ego rather than leaning into the discomfort of honesty and vulnerability.
Of course, a person with emotional intelligence and common sense prioritizes open and honest communication. They'll never try to trick people into taking blame or use hurtful language to spark guilt, they'll simply express their needs and emotions as intentionally as possible.
11. People who avoid vulnerability
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For a truly emotionally intelligent person with common sense, leaning into emotional vulnerability, connection, and communication feels like second nature. They know that in order to truly bond with people and craft healthy relationships, you have to practice the uncomfortable habits — like being honest and vulnerable — that build trust.
However, many people who avoid vulnerability sabotage their connections, manipulate others, and blame shifts to avoid having to let down their emotional walls. For the people nearby, it can feel draining, as they're not only missing out on vulnerable connection, but emotional support.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
