5 Things That Seem Polite When You’re A Guest In Someone’s Home But Are Actually Kind Of Rude
Even when well-intentioned, these actions might prevent you from being invited back.
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock.com When you're invited into someone's home, whether for a dinner party, as an overnight guest, or for any other reason, it's important to be respectful, especially if you want to be invited back. While some dos and don'ts are obvious — do say thank you, don't text at the table — others are a bit trickier to keep track of.
Alison M. Cheperdak is an etiquette coach and founder of Elevate Etiquette. In a recent TikTok, she shared a few things that people falsely assume are polite when you're a guest, but are actually considered rude.
1. Arriving early.
It may seem polite to arrive early. After all, you don't want to keep your host waiting. However, Cheperdek cautioned that this is actually impolite. The host may still be preparing or even getting dressed, and arriving early disrupts their schedule.
"This isn't a dentist appointment," she stressed. "If you are invited to someone's home, show up a little after the start time."
2. Waiting for the host to start eating, even when they instruct you otherwise.
This point is a bit controversial. "When the host tells you that it's OK to get started, you can start eating. You don't have to wait," Cheperdek said. However, other etiquette experts argue that you should wait until everyone is served and the host is seated. When in doubt, it's best to follow the host's instructions.
3. Cleaning without permission.
After a meal, many people have been taught that they must help clean, or at least offer to. It's certainly considerate, but be sure to ask first. Don't take the initiative to wash dishes without asking for permission.
"If the host keeps telling you that they don't need any help, you can trust them on that," Cheperdek added. "They probably don't want it." Perhaps they are particular about their cleaning preferences, or maybe they would rather have all their guests relaxing. Either way, listen to the host.
4. Gifting flowers without a vase.
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"Never show up empty-handed" is an adage many people have been taught, but not all gifts are created equal. Flowers may seem like an uncomplicated option, but without a vase, they create more work for the host just as guests are arriving.
"You should not show up with flowers that need to be put in water," a TikTok user commented on Cheperdek's video. "That presents your host with an unplanned task of having to deal with them at arrival time. Bring them in a vase."
5. Bringing food without asking first.
Of course, if you're attending a potluck, bring whatever food you please. But for a traditional dinner party, don't bring additional food that you expect to be served without checking with the host first. Even when well-intentioned, this may disrupt their plans and could even imply that you don't trust the host's culinary skills.
"I have the food covered! An extra dish may be too much food, not conducive to allergies, not be on theme, etc.," a commenter explained. "Don’t bring food without asking."
Audrey Jaber is a writer and associate editor with a bachelor's degree in journalism.
