11 Things Emotionally Secure People Say Without Ever Apologizing For It
Emotionally secure people are fearlessly unapologetic about things that matter to them deeply.
Cerii / Shutterstock Ah, to be emotionally secure. A person who is emotionally secure is a remarkable and impressive sight to behold these days. If you have been in the presence of a person who has their emotions in the right place, you know that they seem to be made of steel.
They live their lives on their terms. No apologies needed. That’s why they say these things without ever trying to shrink themselves down, even when most other people would give them grief over it.
These are 11 things emotionally secure people say without ever apologizing for it
1. 'I don't want to have kids'
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Did you ever notice how often people seem to demand that people have kids? Or stop having kids? Or have kids until there’s one boy and one girl? Society always has ideas about how many kids a person should have.
Emotionally secure people will say what their family planning preferences are and will not apologize or stutter. They realize other people’s desires for them have nothing to do with their lives and do not care about the stigma of being childfree.
2. 'I just need some personal time'
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We all have had people who insist on choosing how we spend our personal time. Whether it’s a pushy sibling who insists that you babysit the kids or a boss who insists you turn your schedule around for them doesn’t matter. They have a weird way of browbeating more work out of you.
Most insecure people will start to bend their needs and schedules to accommodate others, perhaps with a polite excuse. If they get pushed, they typically roll over and just do what they are told.
Emotionally secure people won’t do that. They will stand their ground because other people’s inconveniences are not their emergencies. Being able to put themselves first is the hallmark of a secure person.
3. 'I don't want to date them'
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Did you ever have friends try to guilt you into giving someone you’re not attracted to a chance? It’s awful, isn’t it? Generally speaking, this is never okay to do because it is technically a form of coercion.
While they may be polite about rejection, emotionally secure people won’t budge on their decision. If people keep whining about their decision not to date someone, they often will be the ones who tell them, “How ‘bout you date him then? Since he’s so good.”
4. 'I enjoy [insert whatever thing they enjoy here]'
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For reasons beyond my understanding, many people feel the need to judge or critique others based on their interests. Whether it’s movies, a certain style of dress, certain mannerisms, or even the type of people they enjoy talking to, people are often made to feel bad about doing what they like.
Unless you enjoy something that causes other people harm, there’s nothing wrong with liking what you like. Some people prefer chocolate ice cream, while others enjoy passionfruit sorbet. Variety is the spice of life, so why keep yourself from enjoying yourself?
5. 'That upset me'
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Perhaps one of the most difficult things many people have to learn to do is speak up when they’re upset. If you grew up in an abusive household, a high-pressure society, or in a situation where your needs didn’t matter, your first instinct is likely to be to apologize for speaking up.
In a healthy environment, that’s never something to apologize for. The same can be said of a healthy mindset. Emotionally secure people recognize the value of speaking up when they’re upset and make a point of doing so whenever they feel it’s necessary.
6. 'I can't afford that'
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Back in my college days, women in sororities used to go on vacations in large groups. Perhaps one of the most heartbreaking things I saw at that time was a sorority girl who was in a panic because she didn’t know how to apologize to her friends about being unable to afford a trip to Cancun.
Emotionally secure people understand that times are tough and that their need to keep a roof over their heads is more important than partaking in group activities. People who care about you won’t shame you for your situation. Besides, there are plenty of polite ways to explain your situation.
7. 'I have to draw a boundary here'
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Boundaries are a must-have for any healthy, safe relationship. These boundaries can take a lot of different forms, including having firm boundaries about foods you won’t eat, people you won’t tolerate, or even something as simple as refusing to tolerate random tickle fights.
A cornerstone of being emotionally and mentally secure is having boundaries and actually enforcing them. "No" is a complete sentence, and secure people generally won’t apologize for saying no to requests that cross their boundaries.
8. 'I don't know'
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When you are insecure, the pressure you feel to know everything can be palpable. This is doubly true in the workplace. After all, the assumption at work is that the person hired is going to be the expert… and that can build up pressure.
It’s OK (and reasonable) not to know everything. In fact, insecure people are the ones who often make a point. Truly secure people are OK with saying, “Hey, I don’t know this. But I know who I can ask and find out the answers through.”
9. 'My bad!'
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This is a bit loaded. The obvious truth is that if you did something that hurt someone, you should apologize. The same can be said if it’s a minor inconvenience or something similar to that in a professional setting.
However, secure people are also aware that they’re only human. They don’t always do things perfectly. Rather than try to cover it up or blame others or act like it’s the worst thing in the world, they will likely be the ones who chuckle and go, “Whoops. My bad!”
10. 'I made a mistake'
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Let’s go a little deeper into mistakes. Yes, we all make harmless mistakes from time to time, but what about mistakes that aren’t always that easy to forgive? Well, emotionally secure people generally work on themselves to avoid making those mistakes again.
They will apologize if the past mistakes are in need of an apology, but after a while, they’ll realize when others are just milking those mistakes for all they’re worth. Insecure people are often the ones who can’t apologize or can’t admit to having been in the wrong.
As long as you’re evolving, you’re doing well.
11. 'I'm not comfortable with that'
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Everyone has their own feelings they have to deal with, and some are not as cozy as others. Grief, envy, jealousy, anger, and fear are all tough to deal with. They can also cause some sticky social situations.
An emotionally secure person is going to be mature enough to say, “Hey, I’m not okay right now. I need you to know that I feel this way and that I may need some time to parse things out, alright?”
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
