12 Telltale Traits Of Someone Who Is A Conniving, Manipulative Person
Conniving, manipulative people are opportunists at heart.
Look Studio | Shutterstock Manipulative people make it difficult for others to be around them, while conniving people are great at masking their emotions to get what they want, keeping their feelings in check while simultaneously playing on others' vulnerabilities. Combined, these two traits are enough to create distrust and bad vibes in anyone they come across.
While the telltale traits of someone who is a conniving, manipulative person may not be easy to spot at first, paying attention to their habits can prevent people from losing their sanity. They're opportunists who are willing to lie, cheat, and steal if it means getting their way, and that's certainly not something authentic, honest people want in their lives.
Here are 12 telltale traits of someone who is a conniving, manipulative person
1. They don't care what others think
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The only opinion that matters to a deceptive, conniving person is what they want and how they feel. It doesn't matter if a person is upset, happy, sad — any emotion. A conniving person will make sure things happen just as they intend them to.
A manipulative individual might even be extra judgmental in an effort to make you feel stupid. Unfortunately, as behavior and relationship coach Paul Colaianni pointed out, "The victims of manipulative people get so used to this type of behavior that they actually start to believe that they are bad, inferior, or even stupid because they get convinced they can't do anything right."
2. They bring a ton of negativity
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A conniving, manipulative person knows exactly what to say and do to ruin your good mood. They might be so good at it, you start to wonder if they are doing it on purpose — and they are.
Whether consciously or subconsciously, manipulative people have an incessant need to make sure you're always worse off than they are. And as research has found, being around negative individuals can harm our immune system, and bring us closer to the brink of anxiety and depression.
3. They're unapologetic
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Being unapologetic about their nasty behavior is one of the telltale traits of someone who is a conniving, manipulative person. So, if you're looking for someone to take accountability for their actions, this person will only disappoint you.
They have a lack of empathy, so they cannot put themselves in your shoes or anyone else's. Unfortunately, it's something you have to be able to do to be truly remorseful, and they just aren't.
4. They make empty promises
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Conniving, manipulative people will promise anything if it leads to them getting what they want. Maybe they know it won't happen at the moment or perhaps they just lose interest in doing what was promised, but going back on their word is not a big deal to them.
For them, lying is second nature and they're simply incapable of telling the truth and following through on promises. "Future faking," as it's called, is often a behavior of narcissistic people, which just makes their intentions even darker.
5. They lash out when they don't get their way
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If you've never had the misfortune of telling a manipulative person no, consider yourself lucky. Because lashing out when things don't go according to their plan is one of the telltale traits of someone who is a conniving, manipulative person.
They will use whatever tactic they have at their disposal to make you pay for whatever "crime" against them they think you committed. But they are super strategic, so you'll find yourself questioning who was actually wrong.
As mental health and wellness consultant Jamie Cannon explained, manipulators are highly perceptive, able to adapt to new surroundings, and use the same strategies again and again. And this makes them incredibly dangerous.
6. They don't know how to finish what they start
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People with conniving and manipulative behaviors have big ideas and a larger-than-life presentation. But when the time comes to produce, they usually fall short.
They want to do well in life — they really do. But they lack the discipline to follow through, and most of their achievements are over-exaggerated or made up based on the image they want to project.
7. They make people afraid of losing them
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People who know how to manipulate others and do it effortlessly play the game of "hot and cold" with you regularly to keep you on pins and needles. When they're good, they are really, really good. But when they're bad, they can be mean.
Emotional manipulators, in particular, twist your words, desires, and actions to make you feel confused and unsure, scared to lose the good, and hoping to change the bad.
8. They turn people against each other
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By bringing them around your family and friends, one of the most dangerous telltale traits of someone who is a conniving, manipulative person becomes evident: turning people against you. They will come across as super-likable at first, and next thing you know they're manipulating everyone you know. Suddenly, everyone has drama that never existed before and they're at the center of it all, pulling strings.
Mental health writer Jason Crosby warned, "Manipulative narcissists can turn people against you by bringing one or more additional people into an argument, spat, or disagreement... The manipulative narcissist may try to convince the other person that you (and not them) are the one who's behaving irrationally, or that you're the one who's motivated by selfish, inconsiderate behavior."
9. They don't even know who they are
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A conniving, manipulative person will switch up what they told you in a heartbeat, so taking them at face value is almost impossible. They might lie about their history and values, then proceed to do something that completely conflicts with who they told you they were.
As life and relationship coach Sidhharrth S. Kumaar pointed out, "A person who is good at manipulating emotions is great at lying about small and big things. They lie about things as small as what they had for dinner, and as big as whether or not they still talk to their ex. You can never tell if this person is telling the truth, which can make you feel overwhelmed."
10. They're control freaks
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Conniving manipulators think their ideas and thoughts supersede any and everyone's, so naturally, they like to control the people and environment around them. It might seem like a god complex, but whenever they're in your presence, you will find yourself always following their lead.
According to therapist Geralyn Dexter, "They also may be intentionally vague about their needs, controlling the information so that you're always at risk of failing to respond well... Manipulative behavior can serve other purposes. For instance, control and manipulation can help the manipulator by sowing doubt and confusion. It can help them to avoid responsibility or conflict by blame-shifting or playing the victim."
11. They get angry when confronted
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Hoping for accountability from a conniving, manipulative person is bad enough, but heaven forbid you call them out on something they did wrong. Before you know it, the situation will have escalated to unbelievable levels, and when they calm down it will somehow be your fault.
"If a manipulator fails to successfully do what they're best at, their immediate response usually involves anger. And, the person most likely to be in their sights is the person they haven't been able to maneuver — their victim. That anger will look like blaming, finger-pointing, and desperate attempts to convince others that their victim is a bad person or has mistreated them in some way," Cannon further explained.
12. They throw rocks and hide their hands
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This can come in the form of backhanded compliments, sarcasm, or exposing things you told them in private out in public. That person knows they are being messy but pretends to be unaware of what they did.
Playing dumb or "playing in your face," like lying, is an essential component of being a top-tier manipulator. And while you could ignore them, try turning the tables on them, or standing your ground, it's probably best to put space between you and protect your peace at all costs.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
