11 Things Manipulative People Say When They Want You To Do Work For Them
If someone speaks to you this way, there's a good chance they're trying to take advantage of you.
sergiophoto / Shutterstock When manipulative people want you to do something for them, especially work they could easily do themselves, they rarely come right out and ask. Instead, they use subtle language that shifts guilt, plays on your empathy, or appeals to your sense of obligation. It’s not always obvious in the moment, especially if you care about the person or want to keep the peace.
Over time, the things manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them leave you feeling depleted, taken advantage of, and like you’re constantly doing more than your fair share. What makes these tactics so effective is that they’re often disguised as compliments, vulnerability, or innocent requests. You might hear them and think, “Well, maybe it’s not a big deal this time.” But the truth is, manipulative people tend to rely on patterns, and if they know you’ll cave once, they’ll keep coming back. Recognizing these phrases for what they are is the first step in setting better boundaries and reclaiming your time and energy.
These are 11 things manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them
1. 'You're so much better at this than I am'
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The first thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "You're so much better at this than I am." Sure, someone might have the talent to bring a new perspective or idea to a project. However, when push comes to shove, they aren't responsible for other people's work.
With so many hours in a day, not everyone has time to help their coworkers or family members out. From being behind on work to having multiple important events coming up, the last thing someone wants to do is have an unexpected headache added to their plate.
Unfortunately, most manipulative people don't care. According to psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, M.D., "They lack understanding about what personal space and identity mean, or just don't care." So, while it might be tempting to be nice and lend a hand, if it's truly an inconvenience, nobody should ever feel pressured.
2. 'I would do it, but I'm swamped right now'
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Speaking of being busy, one of the worst things about a manipulative person is their inability to look beyond themselves. Forget being swamped and needing a hand from time to time; as it stands, these individuals are always finding ways to put their workload onto others. As a result, a thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "I would do it, but I'm swamped right now."
Once again, there's nothing wrong with lending a hand; however, everyone has their limits. If someone has been running themselves ragged, the last thing they should be doing is picking up the slack for a practical stranger.
Whether manipulative people acknowledge it or not, burnout is a real and often dangerous thing. According to a study in 2015, burnout can develop into depression. So, while it's great that someone has a kind heart, it's important to stand firm. Simply saying, "Sorry, I'm also swamped right now," should do the trick. And if someone tries to push it further than that? Always repeat yourself so that they understand you're not budging.
3. 'It would mean the world to me if you helped out'
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Listen, it's understandable why people want to help others. While some might claim that they don't care what other people think, the unfortunate truth is that many people are complete people pleasers. From wanting to please their bosses to refusing to let their friends down, people pleasers are the easiest people to manipulate.
And while someone might think they're not a pushover, according to a survey from YouGov, around 48% of people identify as complete people pleasers. On the outside, this might seem like the norm for many people, as their parents likely unconsciously taught them to cater to others.
However, it doesn't need to be this way forever. In case anyone needed a reminder: saying no is not rude and asserting boundaries is not someone being 'difficult.' Despite what others may think, when someone is clearly trying to take advantage, saying "Sorry, I can't" and repeating that phrase is often the best course of action.
4. 'I thought you'd have my back'
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If someone ever says, "I thought you'd have my back," just know that they're a complete manipulator. It's unfortunate, but many people use guilt-tripping techniques to convince others to do their bidding. Whether it's extra paperwork or helping them move out, in no world is it acceptable to make someone feel bad.
Whether it's intentional or not, guilt tripping truly is one of the worst things anyone can experience. On the outside, it might not seem manipulative. Still, according to writer, digital health expert and entrepreneur, Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., Guilt-tripping can leave you anxious, confused, filled with self-doubt, and even questioning reality.
Still, most people can't help but fall for the same tactics again and again. Call them soft-hearted, but truly kind people don't notice that they're being used until it is far too late.
5. 'You're the only person I can count on'
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In a world that's becoming more isolated, people are starting to build less and less community with one another. From skipping family dinners to spending time alone on Thanksgiving, having that one friend to depend on is both a blessing and a curse in disguise.
On one hand, a normal person doesn't want to overwhelm their only support system. But on the other hand, this might be the only support system people have. According to Health Promotion in Health Care – Vital Theories and Research, having a good emotional support system is essential for maintaining a quality of life and combating loneliness, which, as most people are aware, has a significant impact on mental health. Regardless, it's up to the individual to expand their inner circle and find others, whether it's a friend or a therapist, to depend on.
That being said, manipulative people don't care, which is why a thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "You're the only person I can depend on." Sorry, but it's not their fault that someone has a limited support system. Even if it sucks, at times, people must learn to depend on themselves, even if it means standing alone.
6. 'Sorry, I already told them you'd handle it'
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Another thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "Sorry, I already told them you'd handle it." In what world is it acceptable for someone to push the workload onto someone else, without even consulting them about it first? Whether they meant it or not, piling on work without even asking them is just straight-up rude.
Unfortunately, manipulative people often don't care about being perceived as rude. In fact, manipulative people will do whatever it takes to get what they want. According to Professor Emeritus of cognitive psychology Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D., "Manipulative people ignore boundaries, feign concern, and engage in unhealthy strategies to influence others to do their bidding."
Even so, people must learn to protect themselves. Whether that means going up to their boss and telling them that they actually can't do this work or being blunt and reprimanding their coworker or friend, the key to avoiding manipulation is to be firm and straightforward in resisting it.
7. 'Come on, it'll only take a few minutes'
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One of the most infuriating things a manipulator can do is downplay the amount of time someone has in a given day. Sure, in their eyes, it'll only take a few minutes to pick up a last-minute package or to do some last-minute paperwork. However, what most manipulators fail to realize is that not everyone has that amount of time in a day.
Let's face it: most people are overworked and overwhelmed. From family obligations to work obligations, the last thing someone wants is to be told that it will "only take a bit." Unfortunately, this is exactly what happens, as another thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "Come on, it'll only take a few minutes."
Sorry, but nobody owes anybody their time. As consultant Gustavo Razzetti explained, "Life is a two-way street — when you realize that no one owes you anything, you stop expecting people to owe you anything either."
So, while it might not seem like a huge deal, don't allow them to pressure you. People who don't respect your time don't deserve your respect in return.
8. 'I've done so much for you. Can't you do this one thing for me?'
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When someone helps a loved one in need, they do so out of the kindness of their own heart. In the moment, they aren't expecting some magical reward, and most normal people aren't necessarily keeping tally. So, why is it that manipulative people rub their kind actions right back into people's faces?
Don't get it twisted: being kind doesn't cost anyone anything. Kindness is truly beneficial. According to the American Psychological Association, small acts of kindness boost well-being, self-confidence, and a sense of meaning in life. Even so, manipulative people don't care about the facts, which is why a thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "I've done so much for you. Can't you do this one thing for me?"
Nobody asked for their help. Out of the kindness of their heart, they faced a minor inconvenience to help someone out. However, just because they did this doesn't mean someone magically owes them anything. Whether they like it or not, people are free to reject them at any time, regardless of their shared past.
9. 'Everyone else has already said no'
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One of the worst things manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "Everyone else has already said no." Don't get it twisted: it sucks not to have anyone to lean on. However, that isn't their problem. Sorry, but people have their own duties to attend to.
From needing to get home on time to simply being too burned out to help, nobody should feel guilty about saying, "I can't." And yet, like clockwork, manipulative people do their best to guilt-trip others, regardless of that person's needs. They'll cry about having nobody or use a pity story to get people to do their bidding. However, during these moments, it's important to stand firm, even if those people-pleasing tendencies are coming through.
10. 'This is just a one-time thing'
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Sure, they might say it's a one-time thing, and in the moment, they might truly mean it. However, without fail, many manipulative people slowly start piling their work onto others more and more, to the point that other people don't even realize they're being manipulated. This is why a thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "This is just a one-time thing."
Sorry to say, but these asks are rarely a one-time thing. If someone allows a manipulative person to disrespect their boundaries, they will continue to do it because they believe they can.
So, even if it's hard, stand firm. Never allow someone to run through those boundaries, and never be afraid to say no. It might be hard at first, but with time, manipulative people will begin to learn that they're not the person to mess with.
11. 'I'd do the same for you'
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Finally, the last thing manipulative people say when they want you to do work for them is, "I'd do the same for you." Just know that when someone says this, they're absolutely lying. The first thing people should know about manipulative people is that they don't do anything for free.
If it doesn't benefit them or if it's too inconvenient, they're not going out of their way to help anyone, even if it's the right thing to do. With this in mind, people shouldn't feel too bad about letting bygones be bygones or straight-up rejecting them. Sure, someone might adore that manipulative person, but this doesn't change the fact that they're utterly selfish at the end of the day.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
