If Someone Uses These 11 Phrases When They Talk To You, They're Usually Ridiculously Insecure
Aleshyn_Andrei | Shutterstock Insecurity is something we have all felt at some point. Our nagging inner voice tells us we're not good enough or that we'll never amount to anything. Sometimes, it can be so overwhelming that it changes the way we interact with the people in our lives. We want to look as cool, calm, and collected as possible, but based on the words we use, people perceive us quite differently than we expect. Whether it's putting themselves down for not knowing something or over-apologizing, if someone uses these phrases when they talk to you, they're usually ridiculously insecure.
For some, it's easier to work through those feelings of insecurity; for others, it's something they constantly struggle to cope with. They feel inadequate and like they're never smart enough or good enough. When speaking with others, they may try to hide those feelings in ways that can end up being disastrous. Because instead of being upfront about their emotions, they appear as though they know it all as a way to convey a false sense of confidence.
If someone uses these 11 phrases when they talk to you, they're usually ridiculously insecure
1. 'Not to brag, but...'
Getty Images Pro via Canva
When someone is insecure, they may try to play it off as if they aren't. They'll try to look confident and, by doing so, they'll brag about themselves. It makes them feel better, because if they can convince others, they can try to convince themselves.
We've all heard the saying "fake it 'til you make it"; however, according to a 2025 study, pretending to be something you're not can have negative psychological consequences, including uncertainty, doubt, lower self-esteem, higher anxiety, and increased risk of burnout. Since they're portraying an inauthentic version of themselves, they're forming inauthentic relationships.
2. 'I'm so bad at this'
Arina Dmitrieva | Pexels
Whether it's saying "I'm so bad at this" or "I don't know what I'm doing," if someone uses these phrases when they talk to you, they're usually ridiculously insecure. When a person says these things, they're trying to make others feel bad for them and are seeking reassurance.
It's a way for them to feel better about themselves. They want the other person to reply, "No, you're not. You're so good at it." But because they're insecure, they want you to make them feel better, since that confidence is lacking internally.
Since they have low self-esteem, this phrase can build their ego. It's attention-seeking behavior, because they want to be told they're good at something, if only to make them feel temporarily secure in themselves.
3. 'What do you think?'
Karola G | Pexels
When someone is insecure, they struggle to make decisions, as Harvard career expert Amy Gallo pointed out. They don't want to look foolish or unintelligent, so they'll seek approval from others. When they do need to form an opinion, they may ask what someone thinks in order to help. But it's really because they want to fit in and feel respected by others.
This is how they can calculate what to say. They get a feel for how the people around them perceive things, and then ask this question to make it seem like they're interested. Unfortunately, it's a sure sign that they're insecure and don't trust how their own judgment will be perceived.
4. 'I agree'
Odua Images via Canva
An insecure person is afraid of standing out. Even if they don't share the same opinion as those around them, they pretend to agree, using this phrase to solidify their opinions, no matter how false they are. They're constantly worrying about how others perceive them, so it's easier to agree with what's going on around them.
They don't want to stand out, so they avoid it by being complacent and agreeable. But an insecure person spends the majority of their time worrying about what others think of them.
"We spend untold energy worrying about how other people perceive us. Any amount of praise is immediately overshadowed by one piece of criticism. There's no use in acting like we don't care at all about what others think because it's just not true," mental health writer Kate Bettino explained.
5. 'Are you mad at me?'
Christina Morillo | Pexels
Sometimes, people who have anxiety need reassurance and will ask if others are mad at them, even if they know it's not true. And when someone is insecure, they'll never feel comfortable in their relationships or friendships. They think the people in their lives aren't genuine with them, constantly asking if everyone is angry at them to ease their insecure thoughts.
When dealing with someone like this, it's important to show patience. As psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne revealed, "People who are insecure may attack you or cause you to doubt your own abilities, but the effect behind their attacks may be anxiety and not anger. Allowing people to express their feelings without interruption will show you are attuned to their emotional state. Listen attentively, show you're interested, and allow your voice to express your compassion."
6. 'I already knew that'
Aflo Images via Canva
Whether it's saying "I'm well aware" or "I already knew that," if someone uses these phrases when they talk to you, they're usually ridiculously insecure. They're acting confident to throw others off and don't want to be seen as someone unsure of themselves.
They'll say they already knew what you were telling them, even if they likely don't. They want to impress you by showing that they're smart, but it often comes off as dismissive. They want to seem like the smartest person in the room.
"Insecurity can also manifest itself as overconfidence. People who are insecure have trouble taking feedback because they can't be seen as being less than expert at anything, so they sometimes appear overconfident and put others down," clinical psychologist Aimee Daramus said.
7. 'Nothing I do is ever good enough'
Getty Images Signature via Canva
Seeking reassurance through phrases like this shows how insecure a person is. They need validation to lift their self-esteem, and since they struggle with not feeling good enough, they may use attention-seeking behavior to find confidence in a conversation.
When they say these words, they want to be reassured that they're enough and that they're valued by the people in their lives. By encouraging insecure people, you're helping lift their self-esteem. While it's a temporary fix, providing them with the reassurance they desire can impact their feelings in a positive way.
8. 'Must be nice'
Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels
Insecure people struggle with watching others succeed because they feel threatened by that success. It doesn't feel good to see others achieve things they wish they could. And since they never feel like what they do is good enough, they take the success of others personally.
They often find themselves in these situations and struggle to support others. So, when someone says "must be nice," they're bitter. They don't want to celebrate others achieving things they want because they feel inferior. All they want is to be perceived as the best, but their insecurity keeps them from reaching their true potential.
9. 'I don't care'
Getty Images Signature via Canva
An easy way for an insecure person to change the conversation is by saying "I don't care." They may try to play it cool but, in reality, they actually care quite a lot. They'll try to make the other person around them feel insecure by acting like something is beneath them, all to boost their own self-esteem.
"When you start to question your own self-worth, is it typically around a specific person or type of person? Is that individual always broadcasting his or her strengths? If you don't feel insecure in general, but only around certain people, it's likely they're projecting their insecurities onto you," Krauss Whitbourne pointed out.
10. 'I'm probably wrong, but...'
Getty Images Signature via Canva
Insecure people don't want to be perceived as unintelligent. It's important to them that the people around them show respect. Even if they lack confidence in what they're saying, but want to share their thoughts, they'll use a buffer. They'll say something like, "I'm probably wrong, but," because if they're right they'll get attention from people, and if they're not they can act like they're not at fault.
Their lack of confidence may be due to social anxiety, perfectionist tendencies, or rejection. They're concerned about what others think of them. But instead of speaking with confidence, they'll phrase their comments in a certain way to protect themselves.
11. 'I'm sorry'
Karola G | Pexels
If someone apologizes even when they aren't wrong, they're usually ridiculously insecure. They want to be reassured that your relationship is valid, and any uncertainty may cause them to apologize. They'll say sorry constantly to ensure they're not offending you. Deep down, they care about what you think of them, and they'll say sorry, even when unnecessary, to keep you on their side.
According to licensed clinical professional counselor Millie Huckabee, "When you over-apologize, your brain hears it, too. Over time, saying 'sorry' turns into feeling sorry all the time. You begin to believe that your presence is a burden. That belief can damage your confidence and self-worth." So, when an insecure person feels they don't deserve love, rather than embracing the kindness of others, they'll apologize.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master's degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
