11 Small Things Only Good Men Were Taught By Their Parents
The way a man acts around you is all a result of how he was raised.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Good men come from households where being chivalrous and polite was not only expected but required from them, especially while in public. There are plenty of small things only good men were taught by their parents, whether it was opening doors for others or offering a firm handshake to make a lasting first impression.
These types of lessons turned them from modest boys to distinguished gentlemen. As adults, these behaviors get noticed by people, both loved ones and strangers alike. You can tell how a guy was raised simply by the way they behave and whether or not they grew up understanding these gestures.
Here are 11 small things only good men were taught by their parents
1. Look people in the eye when speaking
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A good man grows up in a household that makes him listen attentively to others, and when it is his turn to speak, he has to look the other person in the eye. It is just considered a common courtesy to make eye contact when speaking directly to someone else. If they didn't, they were considered rude for doing so.
There are several reasons why eye contact is an important skill for men to master. It can make you more approachable to others and also let them know that you are attracted to them. And when you're in a conversation with someone, they are more likely to believe you if you maintain eye contact with them.
2. Hold the door open for everyone
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One of the small small things only good men were taught by their parents is to hold the door open, no matter who the person is. In fact, nice men learn through example growing up about how to treat others when in public places.
Things like holding the door for people when entering or exiting a building is just one way they exert their kindness. As research from Psychological Science found, holding the door is all about calculation, like how many people are coming through at once and how close they are. Good men will hold the door for people who are less capable of doing so in their eyes, like children, women, and the elderly.
For those who want to date nice men like this, you have to learn how to be nice yourself. If the two of you don't share the same values, relationships with them won't work because they're not just being nice for fun, it's because they were raised that way.
3. Apologize when you're wrong
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You can tell someone is a good man if he chooses to apologize after he did something wrong. It's not just a generic "sorry," either; if he fully explains what he did and is willing to correct his mistake, he's a keeper.
An apology is all about taking responsibility and holding themselves accountable for what they did. You can tell what is a real or fake apology by how it makes you feel. If you feel like they are trying to get you to admit to a wrongdoing, it is insincere; if they genuinely want to make it work without blaming you, it's real.
There have been too many stories of men apologizing to someone only to bring up something totally irrelevant they did and claiming they never brought it up. As adults, we have to take responsibility for what we say and what we don't say.
4. Never interrupt someone when they're speaking
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A man who constantly interrupts others never learned the value of patience. If they weren't raised to stop this bad behavior, they tend to interrupt people, especially during bouts of anger that can keep people on edge, waiting for their moment to chime in. As career and personal coach Marty Nemko pointed out, when you cut someone off by interrupting them, you miss error corrections or valuable ideas that would have shaped your response.
There are ways you can stop a person who is constantly interrupting others. Being firm and stating assertive dialog to redirect the conversation back to you is a good way to start. However, good men would never do this because they know that everyone should have a moment to speak or defend themselves.
5. Offer help without expecting anything in return
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Good men will do anything to help others in their times of need without needing anything reciprocated to them. Things like helping repair his mother's bed frame or picking up a meal without being asked to do so are just one of many ways he contributes to others. In fact, according to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, more self-aware and altruistic men will help others just because helping them makes them happy.
When it comes to helping themselves, it can be an uphill battle. Men generally don't go to therapy as much as women do, but it can benefit them in many ways. It can help them from trying to fix everything, both physically and emotionally, which would allow them to take a step back and do what's best for themselves.
6. Treat service workers with respect
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How a man treats service workers can say a lot about them and how they were raised. And it's one of the small things only good men were taught by their parents. A man who goes out of his way to help is pleasant, while a man who makes workers uncomfortable is viewed as rude and snobby.
To these men, they see service workers as beneath them when it is far from the truth. Really, many of these men are insecure and lack emotional intelligence, so they lash out at a service worker rather than talk to a therapist.
The same can be said of other angry customers who make a spectacle of themselves. But a good man would never go out of his way to be rude to those around him, especially when they are handling his food.
7. Clean up after yourself
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At home, good men were taught how to clean up after themselves by their parents, who wanted them to be more responsible. And because cleanliness is one of the small things only good men were taught by their parents, as adults they often teach their children to do the same.
Teaching children how to clean their own dishes or wash their own clothes is just a natural transition into adulthood. Unfortunately, men who were coddled were never taught to do any of these things, as they saw them as "feminine skills."
Cleaning a home is not easy. It can take several hours to do multiple tasks that are not only difficult but tire you out in minutes. Men who lack this understanding believe that household work equates to office work, but this isn't true.
8. Shake hands firmly, but not aggressively
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Good men are taught, particularly by their fathers, that a firm handshake when greeting someone new can make a great impression. Firm handshakes tend to correlate with high extraversion and greater emotional expressiveness, according to research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Add that with direct eye contact and you have the opportunity of grabbing the person's attention.
Already, you are being more open to starting a conversation with someone new based on your expression. Being open to others can help make a memorable first impression because it makes you more approachable. People want to be around others they feel are going to be nice and inviting, not cold or distant.
9. Respect the word 'no'
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A man raised by good parents knows how consent works and that no means no. Men who are raised well respect when someone says this word, because it's an answer to a question. It's a lesson about learning that others are not obligated to say yes to you just because you were nice or bought them a drink.
Consent, in any form, should be honored and never negotiated. Good men don't equate rejection with failure or disrespect; instead, they recognize that everyone has the right to make choices for themselves and those choices don't need to be justified. This is the kind of behavior that parents want to instill in young men and, if we're being honest, the world needs more of.
10. Keep your word
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A man's word is everything to those around him. If he breaks it, they know he's not reliable when things get tough or is trustworthy to do what's best for his family. This constant cycle can spiral into other things such as lying or letting people down in major ways. While most men straighten up after it's brought to their attention, some just continue to make things worse with the lack of their presence.
Good men, however, are taught to be responsible and reliable. They are taught not to make promises they know they can't keep. For their parents, it was all about teaching them to have integrity and be consistent. Through his actions, he becomes someone others can rely on and whom they trust to show up every single time.
11. Leave things better than you found them
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Not only does this lesson encapsulate a man's character, but it describes the complexities of a man's nature. When parents tell their sons to leave things better than how they found them, what they mean is that they have the capability to hurt others the same way that others can hurt them. So, it's best to treat everyone with kindness and respect.
In terms of relationships, it's better to part on good terms with someone — not to get access to them again, but simply because you want what's best for them. We live in a world where we break people in relationships to the point where they're not the same anymore and place that hurt onto others. Hurting people has become a social contagion that we spread among everyone, but for good men, they don't allow that ideology to remain.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author with a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
