If You've Perfected These 11 Habits, Psychology Says You're More Resilient Than Most People
Mastering these everyday habits proves you have true emotional grit.
Julia Malinowska | Canva Now, more than ever, resilience has become a differentiator for joy and success. If you're able to bounce back from hard times, you can achieve so much more in life and be happier. If you're less resilient, struggling more with change, loss, or difficult circumstances, it can negatively affect your well-being and hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams.
Distress and discouragement can keep you stuck. Emotionally strong people know they can't control what happens to them; they can only control how they react. They withstand more stress and move through adversity because they’ve developed the resiliency skills to handle whatever comes their way.
The good news is that while personality traits like grit may be inherited, resilience can be developed and exercised just like any muscle at the gym. It might not be easy, but resilience is attainable, and those who demonstrate it provide plenty of clues on how to do that in the small things they do every day to build their mental strength.
If you've perfected these 11 habits, psychology says you're more resilient than most people:
1. You try things that make you feel uncomfortable
Resilient people value effort and experience and don't get caught up in having a perfect result. Playing it safe closes you down to life. Make your motto "fail fast," and every day, get a little bit out of your comfort zone.
Finally, say "yes" to the rock-climbing invitation, put your hand up to volunteer in your community, or message someone you don’t know.
2. You get out of your head
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When your emotional brain kicks in, you need to do something to process that energy in a positive way. Get out of your head and connect to your body by taking a brisk walk, doing jumping jacks, or dancing.
You’ll feel a sudden burst of energy and realize that you can channel your reaction into action.
3. You hype yourself up
It's perfectly normal and desirable to engage in self-talk — especially if it's compassionate. Monitor your thoughts, remind yourself that sometimes there are alternate facts, and don’t automatically let your beliefs drive you. Say an affirmation, such as, "This is my worry talking. I can do this."
What would you tell your best friend? That's what you need to say to yourself, too.
When people engage in self-talk, they are often using it to plan, regulate emotions, maintain focus, and motivate themselves. All these skills help individuals adapt and bounce back from adversity. One study argued that consistent self-talk can be seen as a tool that people use to navigate challenges, indicating a potentially resilient approach to life.
4. You're comfortable with quiet
Mentally strong people are comfortable with silence; in fact, they enjoy their own company. After a few years of the pandemic, you might not be as keen to be alone as much, but consider whether you’ve had quality time with yourself, reflecting on your life.
Book a weekly date with yourself or spend five quiet minutes in the car before you pick up the kids.
5. You ground yourself
Every day, set aside time to be still and connect with your breath. With mindfulness, frequency is better than duration, so start with 5 minutes once a day, and then twice. From there, graduate to 10 minutes.
Allow yourself to press pause and focus on the present. You'll grow to be more grounded and accepting of what your day brings to you.
6. You make space to be thankful
When you regularly give thanks for all that you have — even the smallest of things, you learn to appreciate them more.
A number of my clients enjoy journal writing to express their gratefulness, but you don’t have to like to write to start a gratitude practice. Something as simple as writing 3 things you're grateful for each morning or reflecting on 1 good thing that happened during the day before you go to sleep can remind you of the good that's happening for you.
Gratitude encourages people to focus on the positive aspects of their lives, shifting their perspective away from negative thoughts and, over time, changing how their brain processes events. One study noted that gratitude practices have been linked to increased self-control, allowing individuals to better manage their impulses and actions in challenging circumstances.
7. You laugh freely
Laughter can alter dopamine and serotonin activity, and it may also improve a person's subjective sense of well-being. Put on a comedy instead of the news, make a joke, or do something silly and laugh aloud.
One study explained that the physiological changes that occur during laughter, such as an increase in oxygen and an improved heart rate, help relax the body and calm the nervous system. Laughing with others can defuse tension, increase trust, and foster a sense of belonging, which are all vital for mental and emotional health.
8. You accept your emotions
Life is messy, and human beings are, well, human and emotional. Being strong doesn't mean that you ignore your feelings when you go through tough times; it means that you experience them.
Not facing your emotions can push them underground, so it's better to be honest with yourself about how you feel.
I recommend that you name it to tame it and get as specific as possible about the label. Declare, "I'm frustrated right now," or "I'm disappointed that" or "I’m worried about" so that you can problem-solve around what will inevitably be a temporary situation.
9. You reinforce boundaries
When you're overwhelmed by volumes of life problems or what seems like insurmountable odds, simplifying your life can help. Step back and assess what you can manage and be okay with saying no to even little asks, like a barbecue next weekend or completing another report at work.
A polite "I don’t have the bandwidth," or "Not this time; thank you for the invitation," is all you need to say. It can take getting used to, but in the end, you'll be stronger by saying yes to yourself.
Resilient individuals understand that boundaries are not walls to keep people out, but guidelines that establish safety within relationships. Research has argued that this allows for healthier interactions built on mutual respect and enables individuals to express their needs and desires clearly.
10. You ask for help
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Resilient people know that they can’t move mountains alone. Strength comes from knowing that you have people to lean on and that sometimes extra or specialized help will make all the difference to your success.
Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, so don’t be hesitant to call a friend to lend an ear, a family member to watch your child, a professional to navigate the way forward, or a support group to validate your experience.
11. You have a curiosity about life
Reflect on your difficulties without judgment. Those who have adopted a resilient attitude don't ask, "Why is this happening to me?" Instead, they ask, "What if this is all happening for me?"
Sometimes you must look hard, but there is usually an important lesson from every experience. And, when you get used to looking for the blessings in disguise in little things like missing the train, it's easier to step back and see the silver linings when the bigger things hit.
To improve your resilience, it takes small and consistent shifts in how you live your life. Whatever this looks like for you, realize that it won't be a straight line in getting there. Building resilience takes time, effort, and trial and error.
You'll experience setbacks and wonder if you'll ever make it, and your definition of success might even evolve. But begin with one of these habits and practice it. Then, add another one. Before you know it, you'll be stronger and more ready to deal with everything life throws at you.
Which one little habit will you adopt today that will make you more resilient?
Lisa Petsinis is an ICF-credentialed life and career transition coach. Her bylines have appeared on Psych Central, The Good Men Project, Parade, Prevention, The Minds Journal, PopSugar, and All4Women, as well as many others.
