Women Who Stop Caring About Their Looks As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Women are tired of performing for the male gaze and appealing to beauty standards.
fizkes | Shutterstock The shifting of appearance and body image that occurs as women age is often disorienting and uncomfortable to personally cope with, especially because it tends to diverge from societally "acceptable" versions of femininity, like a study from the Psychology of Women Quarterly suggests. Embracing aging, experimenting with self-expression, and making the intentional choice to stop performing for society is empowering, but it's also not an easy feat.
Women who stop caring about their looks as they get older usually have specific reasons — from their personal lives, to their relationship priorities, and their sense of self-worth, they've figured out how to break free from the cycle of societal expectation and shame. It's not about letting go completely or not taking care of yourself, but rather, embracing habits, goals, and routines that are internally fulfilling not externally validating.
Here are 11 reasons women who stop caring about their looks as they get older usually have
1. They don't feel the need to perform
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As they get older, many women stop centering their life choices and decisions around societal norms, and start thinking more deeply about what they want to prioritize. Whether it's dressing a certain way, embracing a certain kind of femininity, or making choices about self-care, they don't feel the need to perform for the validation, approval, and attention of others.
They're more focused on nurturing an appearance and identity that suits them, rather than trying to appeal toward the male gaze or what society urges aging women to adopt and perform. Of course, many women struggle to grapple with the double standard of aging as they get older, like psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis suggests, in ways that can spark emotional turmoil, shame, and isolation.
However, focusing inward, avoiding unrealistic expectations, and intentionally getting to know what you like, value, and prioritize is key to unraveling yourself from the web of destructive societal norms.
2. They prioritize comfort
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Rather than adopting toxic ideas like "beauty is pain" or trying to look younger at the expense of their well-being, women who stop caring about their looks as they get older prioritize what feels good for them. They prioritize their comfort — whether that means practicality in a professional setting, a self-expressive outfit that excites them, or a sweat set that literally makes them feel safe and secure.
They don't mind catching a sideways glance from someone who lives and dies by societal expectations, because they know deep down that following their own heart leads to self-assurance, rather than confusion and shame.
3. They have a healthy relationship with aging
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Women who have healthy relationships with aging aren't trying to push it off or look "younger." They dress themselves, care for their body, and invest in self-expression in ways that feel empowering for them. It's empowering to look in the mirror and see the person they're becoming — with all of the memories, experiences, and badges of a life they've been living.
Of course, not caring about their looks is not the same thing as not taking care of themselves. They simply embrace the celebration of self-expression, without all of the burdens of unrealistic expectations and performative femininity.
4. They have bigger priorities
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By focusing their attention on priorities that fulfill them in their lives, aging women craft lives that are exciting, healthy, and productive. They don't put themselves at risk for mental health concerns like depression by comparing their appearance or body to others, like a study from the Archives of Women's Mental Health explains, because they find ways to fulfill themselves.
Whether it's their career, other relationships, building a family, hobbies, or investing in their personal health and well-being, having bigger priorities than performing for validation is part of what keeps these women happy, healthy, and fulfilled.
5. They don't compare themselves anymore
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Especially for women, falling into the cycle of comparison culture can be detrimental to health, well-being, self-esteem, and personal relationships. Comparing themselves to others not only alienates women through competition and competitiveness — pitting them against each other — it reinforces the idea that there's one "type" of woman that everyone should strive for.
Women who stop caring about their looks as they get older usually also stop comparing themselves. They build fulfilling, balanced, and healthy relationships with other women in their lives — accepting the belief that there's enough success, authenticity, and love to go around.
When they do compare themselves, it's in a healthy way — like investing in hobbies and setting realistic goals or comparing their current routine to someone's that they admire.
6. They're self-assured
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Many women are socialized to seek approval and validation from a young age — whether it's meeting societal expectations, appealing to the male gaze, or simply adopting their parents' unrealistic ideas about femininity. If they're not careful, these attention- and approval-seeking behaviors can quickly sabotage their well-being in adulthood, crafting codependent relationships and sparking insecurity.
Women who stop caring about their looks as they get older have usually broken free from the trap of external validation, finding ways to build their internal confidence and self-assuredness. Whether that means having worked through their insecurities or assured themselves in healthy personal relationships, self-assured women care less about how they're perceived by others.
7. Their appearance doesn't define their identity
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Building a personal identity and sense of authenticity often starts in adolescence and childhood, according to a study from Child Development Perspectives, but it's largely assured and solidified by adult behaviors, mindsets, and routines. Women who stop caring about their looks as they get older likely have a strong personal identity but, more specifically, one that revolves around their hobbies, relationships, passions, and character, rather than their appearance.
External self-expression can be internally validating and help us to find belonging, but it should never be your entire identity. These empowered women have hobbies, relationships, interests, and careers that fulfill them as well, which inform their self-expression, rather than societal norms, expectations, and beauty standards.
8. They value deep connections
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Women who stop caring about their looks as they get older generally stop feeling pressure to perform, follow trends, or mold their self-expression in an agreeable and societally acceptable way. Of course, they also value deep relationships where their appearance and "looks" are the least interesting things about them, so they never feel pressured by the people around them to look or act a certain way.
According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it's common for people to prioritize deeper, more meaningful relationships as they get older. They no longer distract themselves with superficial interactions or small talk to avoid being alone, but rather, indulge the benefits of solitude and invest time in relationships that fulfill them and add value to their lives.
9. They're protecting their peace
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Even though they likely have a lot of responsibilities in their lives and a busier schedule as they get older, women who care less about their looks still invest energy into protecting their peace.
Whether that means rocking a natural appearance, choosing comfort when styling themselves, or building relationships with people outside the superficiality of appearance, women who stop caring about their looks as they get older are usually too busy protecting their peace to care about standards or expectations.
10. They've reclaimed their self-expression
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Women who have reclaimed their self-expression to be a vessel for authenticity generally stop caring about "fitting in" or meeting unrealistic beauty standards as they get older.
Whether it's integrating bright and bold colors into their wardrobe, wearing no makeup, or opting for a bold lipstick color, women who stop caring about their looks as they age usually associate their beauty with self-expression, rather than attention or validation.
Rather than seeking attention or approval, they wear what feels good to them and embrace an authentic way of living in every aspect of their lives.
11. They're respected for their knowledge and personality
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Feeling respected isn't just incredibly important for building healthy connections and interpersonal relationships, like a study from Frontiers in Neurology suggests, it's also foundational for personal health and well-being — from brain and cognitive function, to self-esteem, and reducing stress.
Women who stop caring about their looks as they get older are often respected for their character, empathy, and intelligence, rather than their appearance, so they find it easier to navigate the workplace, personal relationships, or their alone time without pressure to look a certain way.
They've not only surrounded themselves with people who respect them for their character and personality, they've intentionally crafted a kind of self-confidence and self-worth that solidifies their internal well-being, even around people that are superficial enough to judge their appearance.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
